How to create a better relationship with food... page

[ebrady98]

2

I haven't got a good relationship with food. I've been in denial for the most part, but now I've finally had to realise how bad it's getting.

I started paleo about a month ago. First week - felt great, had lost weight. But I was a little...TOO obsessive. Then, I went out with my friends and I ate some bad food, and now I'm hooked again, but that's not all.

Whenever I eat a piece of junk, I feel like I've let everyone down. I've let my parents down because they bought me coconut oil and it's expensive, and they believed in me to lose weight, to prove conventional wisdom wrong...and I failed. I've also let myself down. I tell myself, I'll always be fat and disgusting if I can't even stop myself.

Then I eat some more, because screw it. I eat till I'm sick, then I try and make up for it. It lasts a day, maybe? Then the nighttime, all I do is eat. I'm ridiculous. 5 bars of chocolate is not an exaggeration for me.

I promise myself that "this is the last night; tomorrow, I'll start afresh" but it never happens. One bad thing happens to me, and boom, I'm binging. I'm eating this after a white chocolate binge, actually.

And I feel guilty, because I haven't got a bad life, not like some people. Some people have awful lives! And I feel upset because I feel ugly and fat, because I feel lonely? It's just a viscous cycle.

I know how bad this food is for me...I just can't stop. Doesn't help that I love eating.

I haven't told anyone this. Not even my closest friends know how bad my relationship with food is. They just think it's funny how I can "eat all I want but not gain weight" yet I'm not at a good weight.

I just need some help, and I needed some place to vent, because it's really getting to me. It's really getting me down. I almost cried in school today...

[namelesswonder]

I always wonder how to approach topics like this. I've been where you are, at least in terms of the negative emotional cycle (not really with food), many times. I am sure I was feeling like that 10 years ago, when I was 14, too. I don't want to sound condescending, and I really don't want to depress you anymore, so I'm trying to be careful with my word choices.

Here's the thing: there's so much good information out there about eating well (primal/paleo style). I'm sure you've read a lot of it. I would encourage you to keep reading! There's absolutely nothing wrong with eating plenty, and eating good foods is only going to help you, emotionally and physically.

Stopping yourself is the hard part, but once you do it, you're golden. Maybe you have to do it a hundred more times, but every time is easier than the last as long as you persevere. Just by posting, you are admitting that you are motivated, you are just lacking that one last thing that makes you put down the bagel or whatever and have some eggs instead. It took me 10 years to get to the point where I could actually stick to my resolve for a while, and not feel bad about occasional mistakes. You are starting early and that's GREAT. Just imagine how great you could feel if you stick with this! Not just because you are sticking with it instead of "giving up" or feeling downtrodden, but because a healthy body and mind go hand in hand.

I can't give you the magic answer. No one can be your knight in shining armor to make you do anything or pick you up. It has to come from you. I don't think this is a bad thing though. How AMAZING is it that you can do it all on your own? Be proud of that.

Anyway. Hope that's a bit helpful. I wish you the best.

[namelesswonder]

Okay AND what are the chances of you discussing your overall negative feelings with your parents, a counselor, or someone in your everyday life? Do you think your parents would be supportive if you asked them about seeing a counselor regularly?

[primalrob]

Okay AND what are the chances of you discussing your overall negative feelings with your parents, a counselor, or someone in your everyday life? Do you think your parents would be supportive if you asked them about seeing a counselor regularly?

this was my first thought...see a counselor. you can talk to your parents too, but i think it's worth it to see someone who is specifically trained in counseling theories--preferably a wellness counselor--to help you identify what you are feeling regarding food and how to alter that relationship.
i've been there too, and that guilt about letting people down can crush you. and what's worse is that showing that guilt to people can be even worse, so i took to hiding what i was eating. that's a hard thing to overcome on your own. you can do it, but it's going to be a lot easier with a counselor to help you along the way. start getting familiar with being aware what is going on inside of you and naming it. it's not about sharing your feelings, it's about understanding them; that's where a counselor is handy.

[namelesswonder]

that's a hard thing to overcome you can do it, but it's going to be a lot easier with a counselor to help you along the way. start getting familiar with being aware what is going on inside of you and naming it. it's not about sharing your feelings, it's about understanding them; that's where a counselor is handy.

Yes, absolutely, this. It also took me a long time to figure out what the counselor is good for, but this is it. Use them for whatever you need. It can be really helpful to have someone to bounce your thoughts off of.

[Leida]

Try reading the '50 Most Common Diet Derailing Excuses and How to Outwit Them" by Susan Albers. The title says 'excuses', but actually the book covers psycological reasons for each and everyone of your troubles and offers a solution. Will the solution offered by the book work for you or not, I don't know, but trying doesn't hurt. Susan Albers books are the best I have seen that deals with the thinking portion of eating.

Good luck!

[Alex Good]

Let's see, a better relationship with food... Using your tongue more should help. Really, just experiment a bit. Try new things. New places.

[Nelle]

"starting tomorrow" rarely works. Start now. Say you ate a piece of cake at lunch but by dinner time were regretting it. Don't think "I'll start tomorrow, I ruined my day already so I may as well eat these cookies after dinner anyway." No. Stop THAT and start Paleo/Primal right then and there. Throw away the cookies. Think of how terrible you will feel (physically) if you keep eating junk. I ate junk over thanksgiving break and felt AWFUL. Heart burn-- I've never had heart burn in my life and junk food caused it over the weekend.

And Don't punish yourself. If you drop something and it shatters all over the floor, getting mad at yourself won't help, crying won't help, eating 5 chocolate bars won't help. What will? Picking up the pieces. Ok so you made a mistake. Whoops! Let's pick up the pieces and continue on with life. Do not allow the word "cheat" in your vocabulary. It's not a cheat if you chose to eat it. It's a choice. Maybe a bad choice but life goes on-- just pick up the pieces.

[Knifegill]

Stuff yourself with real food and you'll quickly lose your cravings for fake food. Seriously, I ate almonds almost non-stop when quitting spaghetti! It's better to be over-fed, even to gain a little weight at first - on real food - as part of retuning your body to run properly. I gained some weight at first, then it melted off as my addictions were broken and I didn't NEED food the way I used to. Seriously, from one addict to another, you can do this! I was a 2-liter of Mountain Dew per day, pasta-every-meal grain and sugar-holic. Primal 3 years (I think?), 45-50 pounds of fat gone and muscle added. I have abs instead of a big blubbery gut! It's madness! And bacon.

[Damiana]

Is there a counselor you can talk to at school without your parents knowing? From what you've previously posted, I get the feeling they wouldn't be too supportive of your issues with food. It is rough when you're so young, but the first step us realizing you've got a problem. We all gave bad days when we eat crap, don't let that get you off track.