I finally broke down and took a laxative yesterday after work. I think it was the work of the rice crackers that backed it all up. The dam finally broke around 0430. Things still aren't completely clear, but it's better than it was by a long shot. It seems to have taken care of some of the wheat issues as well, oddly enough.
Cassie has taken to replying to my posts and even wanting the occasional messenger conversation. I'm fighting the reflex to "punt the puppy"; I'm actually playing nice and trying to be understanding of her.