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Thread: Still on the Warpath: Naiadknight's Battle Tome page 206

  1. #2051
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    I hate it when I'm like this. I hate myself when I'm a blubbering mess over something, especially when it's nothing I can fix that I whine over anyways. I hate myself for the useless tears. I know those sound harsh, but it's the truth. Tears fix NOTHING. Tears are weakness, tears are unnecessary and everything I try not to be. I hate myself when I can't be as strong as I think I am.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  2. #2052
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    canio6 is online now Senior Member
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    That's a lot of hate over a few drops of water from your eyes. You are strong in a myriad of ways. What you have dealt with in life has proven that. So you cry every now and then, so what? Tears don't define you and you know that.
    somehow I manage to leave my intelligence and decorum at the door wherever I go. I doubt your journal will be an exception to that - not on the rug

    What the F&#* is a decorum? - Mr. Anthony

  3. #2053
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    namelesswonder is online now Moderator
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    If you want to break it down, tears are helpful because of the natural pain killers that they hold. For whatever reason, our body is equipped to try and make us feel better when we feel shitty, emotionally or physically. That doesn't make it useless or weak, though probably not super effective .

    What are your plans for today?
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  4. #2054
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Tears as a painkiller. I'd forgotten that the body releases endorphins with tears. I can be strong, even through the tears. I just miss him. It seems like the pain is worse when he's able to come back for just the weekend, like I'm able to get just a small dose before he has to go away again. It doesn't help knowing that he hates it there. I wanted to run and tackle him as he walked into the airport, keep him from going. I think I just need sleep.
    I need to call the school district about the teaching position, and the headhunter about the possible position with the city. I need to call Home Repo about the windows we ordered a month ago. I should probably do something for myself, something to treat and soothe myself. I need to go to HEB for dinner makings. I'm hoping my unemployment money comes in today, so I can see how cheaply we can go to Dallas and still have it be relaxing. I should work more on Step 4, but not until I've calmed down more. To work on it now would have the opposite effect it's supposed to.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  5. #2055
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is online now Moderator
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    I am sure sleep will help. Would you be able to lay down & rest/veg if not catch a few Zzzz's for a bit today?

    My suggestion would be to keep busy as much as possible, but don't push yourself. You have plenty of time to get things done and no one will judge you poorly for taking care of yourself however you need to (def. think that you should treat yourself to something soothing ).
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  6. #2056
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Fuckfuckfuck. Kasumi is yelping in pain every once in a while about something (no obvious breaks or sprains) and shivering (it's not that cold) and I don't have the money for a vet bill. I think I'll give her a few hours and keep an ear out before I take her. Make she just landed on one of her paws wrong or something.
    This day just keeps getting better and better.
    Small break in the clouds: I went to the fridge for food that would comfort me but cause me pain. I found Thursday's leftover seafood and devoured that instead.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  7. #2057
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    Sabine is offline Senior Member
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    Poor pup. I hope it passes easily and soon.

    I like your journal just for keeping up with you, and getting some smiles. I tend to skip the trigger stuff, because it is too much for me. Journals should be for one's self, and if it is not doing it for you any more, you should feel obligated. But you SHOULD still visit around!

  8. #2058
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Dog has a fever, and her belly is bunched up. Vet thinks she just ate something she shouldn't have. I'm kinda wondering if it came from one of the flying rats she's been bringing down... I hope not. I like a dog that hunts.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  9. #2059
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Just got off the phone with the school district. Apparently, I was the one the school chose and it was sent up to district, who then seemingly did nothing with it. The woman I spoke with is to call the district and see what gives.
    I think this one may go through. I'm not holding my breath yet, but I'm really hoping it will.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  10. #2060
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    Hope your day and dog improve.

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