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Thread: Still on the Warpath: Naiadknight's Battle Tome page 200

  1. #1991
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    Twibble is offline Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    Sounds...sobering, for lack of a better term.
    Most people don't realize how much energy it takes for me to pretend to be normal.

    If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I'd fart.

    Twibble's Twibbly Wibbly

  2. #1992
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Twibble, I chose that one specifically because it seemed the most serious and ritualized one, hoping it would invoke that sense of calm I used to get out of an Episcopal service all those year ago.
    My latest Al- Anon workbook post.
    There were many times in that one when a memory would come flooding through, a memory involving parts in my life that I had locked away and emotions associated with them. I can even put a name to some of the emotions: shame, fear, humiliation, terror, and overwhelmed. Mind you, when I first started trying to heal, I could identify the 3 major emotions (mad, sad, glad) in myself maybe half the time. Beyond that, I reverted back to one of the major 3.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  3. #1993
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    I just measured myself and weighed in: 120 lb, 12.25 in neck, 26.5 in waist, 36 in hip, 23.5% body fat.
    Last edited by naiadknight; 10-23-2013 at 08:54 PM.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  4. #1994
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Officially below 120 as of today: 119.8 lb. That's my lowest primal weight, my lowest married weight and 6 lb shy of my lowest weight out of college.
    Went to an open AA meeting, just to hear it from the other side of the trenches. Definitely an eye opener. It helped me realize that we all have the same demon by different names. Hearing it from the other side, in some of my same words,was relieving, in a way. It also helped reinforce the idea that it's not the affected against the addict, it's the addict and the affected against the demon.
    Today's anniversary confirms I married the right man: dinner is steak, shrimp and salad at home and a MST3K: Night of the Living Dead one night showing at the local movie theater.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  5. #1995
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    May I ask, how do you feel about this low weight? I know you had some concerns about getting too low or getting in a weird headspace about it. It seems like it's not unhealthy (especially at your height), but I recall you mentioning calories and it seems like you're not eating all that much. I don't know how much size really affects caloric needs, however. I have always been able to eat a lot, it's just the types of foods that seems to matter.

    I wonder if I might benefit from some of this AA stuff, at least in terms of thinking about my history with self-injury. I feel mostly at peace with it, but I'm sure there could always be improvement.

    Happy anniversary Dinner sounds great!
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  6. #1996
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    In terms of most weight charts, I'm right in the ideal zone, but on the higher end. I'm not sure how much to go by those, simply because I think I have more muscle mass than those take into account. I know I'm not eating enough, and that's part of the nosedive in weight (I'm sure 8 lb in two weeks isn't the healthiest drop for my size.) It's not intentional restriction. I'm just not hungry except for one meal and a piece of fruit a day. I think my thyroid dose may be too high now that I'm taking it correctly, but unintentional weight loss, being cold, and a lack of appetite seem to be the only symptoms so far. I may need to drop the ashwagandha and see what that does for me. It really doesn't seem to be monkeying with my head. Each drop is a pleasant gift, but nothing I'm actively aiming for and no ED stuff has popped up yet.
    If you want more on Al- Anon, I'm more than willing to help you out with that, either here in the forums, on fb (msg, not post), or by some form of phone. I think it could help you, and even a little bit is better than nada. Judging from what I've seen it do with me, it may help with the anxiety, as well.
    Thanks! I'm looking forward to it.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  7. #1997
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    I'm thinking of revisiting some of my worst moments (and hospital time) since it's been on my mind and I realized there are memories I have never recorded. I'm big on documentation, which is why I tend to take a lot of photos. My memory has been good this year so I haven't felt the need for it. I'm going to see what that does and what revelations I have on it. Not sure if I'll be posting that anywhere though, as the details will probably be unpleasant or just boring for most people.

    I'll be sure to let you know if I follow-up on that Al-anon stuff.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  8. #1998
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    I have a new Al Anon post up, mostly on the meditation of "working in faith."
    I know I SHOULD finish out my last two workbook questions, but I'm going to use the excuse of my anniversary and having to prep dinner. I recognize that this is procrastination and fear of some silly little words on the page. I also know these questions require me to probe into parts of myself and my past that hurt when I poke them. I may do them tonight, just so I can get past the guilt of not doing them.
    In other news, we're FINALLY starting to get the dog trained not to jump on you when she gets excited or jump up, bounce around, or play bite when we're trying to pet and scratch her. It's been over a year since we got her and it's finally starting to sink in.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  9. #1999
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    MST3K sucked. It's definitely a million times better at about a quarter the length. We then watched Vampires Suck as a palate cleanser. I highly recommend that if you like parody movies, especially if you don't care for the Twilight saga.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  10. #2000
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    But will you get all the jokes if you haven't watched Twilight over and over?

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