Back to some of the soul searching and deep conversations with myself.
"You must love yourself before you can truly love others."
I find that untrue. I can love others easily enough, once they're close enough. Loving myself and allowing myself to be loved without embarrassment or fear is... difficult. It leads to the self sabotage and relationship sabotage I've experienced before. I've managed to learn to not sabotage relationships (mostly.) Not sabotaging myself is nearly impossible. I think mostly because I have trouble putting myself first. I surround myself with strong people who know how to put themselves first to make sure I take care of myself, because I don't hafta take care of them.
I'm finding all of these character flaws and I try not to get down on myself. I keep hearing Mentor, "You're carry rocks that aren't yours. You were handed them as a child and you haven't put them down yet." I think I can put them down, once I've examined them.