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Thread: Still on the Warpath: Naiadknight's Battle Tome page 170

  1. #1691
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is offline Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    *possible trigger re: depression:*
    The wreck this afternoon has me feeling depressed. Not the sad, crying version. The mopey, feeling useless, defeated, and piss poor self esteem version. THe part that whispers to the suicide beast "you could be right." I feel subhuman. I feel like scum. I feel more useless than pond scum. I didn't harm anything besides my car and my pride and possibly my insurance rates, but I still feel horrible. I'm trying t work around and ignore the rationalizing in my head that says it's not ok to feel this or get it out of my system. I'm anxious and have no desire to drive for a while, not that I have that luxury.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  2. #1692
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    Pebbles67 is online now Senior Member
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    So sorry about the accident. It is normal to have a ptsd type reaction after something like that. It is so easy for me to slip into self hatred mode any time I make a mistake big or small. When I hit the deer with my new car last winter, I tortured myself for days with negative self talk. I hope you can gain some perspective on it quickly. {{{Hugs}}}

  3. #1693
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    I've honestly thought for a while now that steel, squared off bumpers should not be road legal. Not the kind that comes with older trucks, but the kind that people buy after market. Obviously, they are, so now my car is undriveable while his might have a smear of my paint job on the steel.
    I took a full muscle relaxer last night, in an effort to make myself sleep and not continuously loop the event and damage over and over in my head. At least with the wreck at the City, it wasn't my fault. This one, I have no one to blame but myself. I rear ended him and hurt my car.
    To add insult to injury, Geek goes out of town this week, Tuesday night through Thursday night. I might try to make a recipe I know he won't touch one of those days.
    The Bears are losing to Cincinnatti, too.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  4. #1694
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    naiadknight is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    So sorry about the accident. It is normal to have a ptsd type reaction after something like that. It is so easy for me to slip into self hatred mode any time I make a mistake big or small. When I hit the deer with my new car last winter, I tortured myself for days with negative self talk. I hope you can gain some perspective on it quickly. {{{Hugs}}}
    I've gained some, all of it negative. Still waiting for some of the positivity, but the Sunshine Annie in my head appears to be sleep on the job.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  5. #1695
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    naiadknight is offline Senior Member
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    Back at work. My mood has improved somewhat.
    We're going to the local fair tonight. I'm trying to plan ahead on food, but my memory is failing me. I seem to recall turkey legs being safe. I think there may have been barbacoa and fajita shacks. I may splurge on a corn dog, but probably not. Drinks will be difficult.
    Having coffee with cream for breakfast.
    *TMI* I had one of those shits that make your pants fit better earlier. I physically feel lighter. I've been waiting for that one for a few days now.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  6. #1696
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    naiadknight is offline Senior Member
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    I have my resume and such still up on several sites as a precautionary measure. I'm not really looking, but it never hurts to keep your options open. The headhunters in the area and hr folk REALLY need to do more than "ooh, degree *spam*" Im an engineer. I'm not interested in selling insurance, driving a truck, or being an accountant. Read my damn resume before assuming anything.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  7. #1697
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    naiadknight is offline Senior Member
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    I'm really anxious right now. Our insurance is going to skyrocket (2nd at fault wreck in 3 years.) I now need 5 years of spotless driving or I'm no longer on this policy.
    Bottom line: I need more situational awareness. That has always been a severe weakness of mine. I'm not even sure of where to begin on that. "Constant vigilance" seems to be the only path. I guess I need to jack my paranoia levels even higher, along with the distrust of humanity I already have.
    Oh well. If life was supposed to be easy, there'd be an options menu on the start screen.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  8. #1698
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    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by naiadknight View Post
    Oh well. If life was supposed to be easy, there'd be an options menu on the start screen.
    hah, yes.

    I have issues with situational awareness too. I backed into a car on the opposite side of the street this summer. They were parked illegally, since it was across from our driveway apron. I tried a few doors in the area, but nobody knew whose car it was. I've seen it parked in the area since then, but still no idea who it belongs to. I left a dent on their door, and dislodged & scratched the bumper on our Civic. So mad, I just didn't think about looking back while I backed out. There are rarely cars parked there and sometimes my auto-logic goes, "Well, there shouldn't be, so it's okay," and I move without thinking.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  9. #1699
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    naiadknight is offline Senior Member
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    I think my guardian angel\ deities are in full damage control mode. My last wreck was under accident forgiveness, so doesn't count. This one may or may not count under accident forgiveness, depending on what the claims person says. I also wasn't hurt and did nothing to the other party or truck. No cops involved. It could've been much much worse.
    Still need to work on that awareness, though.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  10. #1700
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    Pebbles67 is online now Senior Member
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    Primal Blueprint Expert Certification
    Yes, I tend to have my mind on everything but driving when I am driving. I've had way too many near misses. I'm not sure I could of avoided that deer, but I wasn't even aware she was coming until we collided.

    Glad you feel somewhat better.

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