Page 139 of 283 FirstFirst ... 3989129137138139140141149189239 ... LastLast
Results 1,381 to 1,390 of 2828

Thread: Still on the Warpath: Naiadknight's Battle Tome page 139

  1. #1381
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Odessa/ Midland, TX
    Posts
    12,035
    Primal Fuel
    Trigger warning
    Based in the talking going on in NW's journal, I've gone hunting in my written journals and then my memory for a date to affix to my near attempt. All I have is that it was in the recovery range of my best friend recovering from surgery in high school. Bit of a broad range there. My best friend doesn't remember the specific conversation saving my life. I only remember my opening line. I do remember sitting there with the knife in my hand for what seems like an eternity, debating with myself on what would be better for those around me- I sure as hell didn't care what I though of the process, I was no one, useless, and failing everyone anyways. At that point in my life, my mother was going through her own dance with the dark beast, my father ws supporting us and never there, my sisters were my responsibility 90% of the time we weren't at school, and my two friends were either recovering from a major surgery for RA or no longer able to hang out due to college. What little had of a support system was gone, so I thought, because I wasn't going to bother them with my pansy little problems when they had bigger ones of their own. After contemplating the knife and my wrist for what seems like forever, I deemed I'd fuck it up anyways and end up in the hospital, just a bigger nuisance to anyone else. I went and got the phone to try and call my friends. RA Chick was asleep. Dallas Guy almost missed the phone call but talked me out of making an attempt with a more failure friendly method.
    That was my near attempt. I'm reasonably sure I knew a date at one point, but have since blocked it. As such, I treat my aliveaversary much the same way Geek and I do the whole honeymoon idea: we didn't take one so every vacation is a mini honeymoon. I don't have a specific date, so every near miss, close call, and suicidal thought becomes an aliveaversary.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  2. #1382
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Odessa/ Midland, TX
    Posts
    12,035
    Ah, it would've been in August of 2002.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  3. #1383
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    MA, USA
    Posts
    12,277
    That is a good way to treat your vacations, I think I always knew I would never forget the date, my brain just doesn't do that. I remember too much, most of the time. As long as it doesn't stress me, I guess there's no harm in keeping a personal anniversary, but I still think I'd like to forget it.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  4. #1384
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Odessa/ Midland, TX
    Posts
    12,035
    My memory is always fuzzy. Few memories stay sharp for long, even the pleasant ones. I've rarely kept a full memory, only enough to draw back the associated emotions.Mostly, thats what my memories are, emotions sharpened by bits and pieces. I can remember facts aplenty, but very little of my own past except for the dominant feelings. I wish I could remember more, but I never have. I know I had a nasty fever for several days as a toddler, that may be why.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  5. #1385
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Odessa/ Midland, TX
    Posts
    12,035
    Hmmm... I'm showing hyperthyroid symptoms. This could actually be a good sign, meaning my body is fixing itself with the help of the supps. I'm going to cut my levothyroxine in half starting tomorrow and see what happens. If that's still too much, I'll go down to a quarter. If that's too little, I'll go up to 3/4.
    I know, I should see the doc and get blood drawn. I'd also love a huge reveal in [x] amount of time with perfect thyroid levels and the shocker of not taking my meds. We'll see. It only took a week of these higher levels to get to hyper, so roughly a week's spacing between dose adjustments should be enough time to see what works.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  6. #1386
    jenn26point2's Avatar
    jenn26point2 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Iowa
    Posts
    7,744
    What is the sourdough experiment DH wanted to try?

    I hope you're able to stop taking your thyroid meds soon. I did the same thing with my antidepressants - I adjusted my own dose and eventually weaned off them, THEN told the dr what I was doing. The shock value is awesome. I vote for shock value.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  7. #1387
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Odessa/ Midland, TX
    Posts
    12,035
    Sourdough was the simplest bread, in terms of ingredient list, I could get my hands on. We want to see if its really wheat, or if its wheat in combination with a known villain that makes me react. I'm reasonably certain it's wheat, but I'll do this to prove it beyond a doubt to both of us. I'll even make a toaster oven pie crust to complete the test.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  8. #1388
    jenn26point2's Avatar
    jenn26point2 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Iowa
    Posts
    7,744
    Keep me posted on what you find out.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  9. #1389
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Odessa/ Midland, TX
    Posts
    12,035
    Didn't sleep for shit last night. Tossed and turned for a few hours after helping a friend into a break up, then my body decided that would be the PERFECT time for it to remind me that my thrice monthly will be here in 24 hours and doing that until it was time to get up.
    I hated talking her into that, but the mutual friend she is dating was causing her more mental anguish than happiness. I made damn sure it was her own choice, but she came to me wanting that push, although not in so many words. My help consisted of "Is it better, in the long run for YOU, for y'all to stay together or are you staying with him because of [his mental issues]?" and similar noises, getting her to think about it in a purely selfish mode from a long term standpoint. He has too much pain and bravado for a healthy relationship. I'm going to have to help pick up the pieces of both of them, but I've done that with other sets of friends a few time before. I've also been caught in the middle like this before and I WELL aware of this dance. I've never had to do it while surreptitiously lifting one out of depression... wait, yeah I have.
    So, I went through work on less than a couple hours of sleep, came home, played a video game to grab an achievement for about 45 minutes and crashed, expecting to sleep until nearly 10. Nope. I'm awake not even 2 hours later, due to hunger, from what I can tell. I HONGRAY.
    It seems the majority of my hyper symptoms are fat/ inch loss, eating or wanting to eat more, and mild insomnia. And hypomania, I think. I'm having to work to convince myself that hyper is a bad thing and get through hypomania to do it. I completely skipped my levothyroxine today, because I couldn't find the pill cutter. I'll keep donig that until hypo symptoms come back.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  10. #1390
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    MA, USA
    Posts
    12,277
    Primal Blueprint Expert Certification
    I tried to help my sister into a break-up that she SAID she wanted. Took her another year to get out, which she did by cheating on him. [[shakes head & sighs]] I don't like to try to help her anymore.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •