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Thread: Still on the Warpath: Naiadknight's Battle Tome page 13

  1. #121
    Sabine's Avatar
    Sabine is offline Senior Member
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    For what it is worth, I will give you my tantrum method to file away for later.

    Each of my birth children had exactly ONE tantrum in their childhood(I'm leaving the option open for them to flip out at a later time in their lives, but no method should be required to last past 18, right?). My foster child had four, but I chalk that up to not being raised with me from the beginning. After the biggest, longest (and LAST one), we were good.

    And of course, this may all be due to luck.

    Once you realize the child is having a tantrum, sit down, no matter where you are(we were in public those three times-lucky to be at home for the fourth child), gather child in your lap, and hold them firmly enough so they can't thrash, without squeezing. Cross-legged on the floor is best, so that you can throw a leg over theirs if needed. Tell any older children with you to sit down and wait. Let the tantrumee yell, but do not let them thrash. Let the only words out of your mouth be low murmurs of one or two phrases, like 'I know. You'll be okay.' No telling them to stop, or be quiet. They already know that. Ignore passersby, except to smile and nod to them to indicate you have it under control.

    Wait. This is the hardest part.

    Each of my kids took about 20-25 minutes.

    When they are done, all the way done, calm, tired, and able to speak to you again, give 'em a hug, and say 'Okay, that's over. Let's do x(whatever the tantrum was about).' ALL of my children complied with much relief. A full-blown tantrum is very draining. They want to be controlled at this point, because they are so out of control during the tantrum. Let it run its full course, don't try to shorten it, so that the experience is grounded into their head. They just don't want to go there again. It is not worth it. Never refer to the tantrum again, except in funny stories when they are older. They do not need any explanation of what happened and the response. They understand it very well. Nor do they need to be told, if you do this again, that is what will happen. Don't let them know that there is any option of them ever doing that again, and if they do (4 times for the one child, after all, but they were all in one day) just go through the routine again.

    It will be very hard, but you will feel like Super-parent afterwards. And hopefully, it will work as well for you as it did for me.

    Thus ends the parenting advice.
    Last edited by Sabine; 12-03-2012 at 04:15 AM. Reason: duplicate word

  2. #122
    Primal Papa's Avatar
    Primal Papa is offline Senior Member
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    You know, I am not a "kid" person. In fact, until we had our twins, I downright disliked kids. To a point, I still don't like them all that much, but the main part of my DJ business is doing kids events, and by kids, I don't mean teens or preteens... The vast majority of what I do is for kids ages 4 - 9.... And somehow kids LOVE ME when I DJ, and I usually have a pretty great time DJing for them.... probably because I get to go home after doing my program for them

    One thing about my own kids.... I love them more than anything in the world, but they usually make it easy for me.... My kids are so darn nice, get good grades, and just as good a kid as one could hope for.... That said, I have always been one to make my expectations clear with them. And in the event that they ever need any kind of punishment, I follow through til the end. Let's day I take their iTouch away for a week..... well, they do not get it back for the full 7 days. My kids know that when I say there are consequences, I mean it...... Now my wife is not nearly as strict.

    I have never spanked my kids, and I was constantly spanked as a kid... with a belt quite often. I am not a PC kind of person, but I don't know why adults back in the day thought it was a good idea to use physical abuse as punishment. Luckily, most parents these days - I hope - have broken away from beating kids. How stupid is that anyway? All it does is teach a child that violence is acceptable.
    Start Date 9.24.12
    Starting weight 285ish ( scale is acting funny so I don't trust it, but 285 is close )
    CW - 271 pounds
    First Goal - 255 by 2013
    Main Goal - To be healthy for my family... I have an awesome family.
    Other Goal - to get off some medications
    Final goal - to get to about 180 pounds by 2014
    NEW GOAL - When I can start a new journal called "Your dad is not so fat!"

    Your Dad is So Fat

  3. #123
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    With Niece, I've rarely had a problem. Ever. If the kid's tired, she may get cranky, but hell, we all do. If you give her the rules up front (the special ones for whatever it is we're going to go do) and the consequences for breaking each one, she's a golden angel. The only time she'll break a rule is when it isn't part of the usual repertoire and it wasn't expressly spelled out.
    With Army Guy, his son had nasty temper tantrums prior to getting his (unstable) mother out of his life. The kid had a couple around me when his mom had wandered off the do something. I did a version of what you did, Sabine: grabbed him in a bear hug, let him sob and cry it out (with the occasional "don't kick, remember?") with "it'll be ok" and nonsensical murmuring. When he was sobbed out, I'd ask "better?," he'd nod, and then I'd gently ask "Is [x] what you wanted?" After another head nod, I'd see what I could do to either get whatever it was or give him a kid logic friendly reason why it can't happen. Worked every time.
    Like I said, the only kid I ever struck was my own siblings back in high school, when I shouldn't have had such a large parental role in their lives anyways. I came close a few times with Niece when I first got here, but each time, I got her distracted with a toy or something, then walked away to cool down. I have an easier time once the kid's old enough to understand rules, consequences, and basic logic (roughly 3 or 4.)
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  4. #124
    JudyCr's Avatar
    JudyCr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sabine View Post
    For what it is worth, I will give you my tantrum method to file away for later.

    Each of my birth children had exactly ONE tantrum in their childhood(I'm leaving the option open for them to flip out at a later time in their lives, but no method should be required to last past 18, right?). My foster child had four, but I chalk that up to not being raised with me from the beginning. After the biggest, longest (and LAST one), we were good.

    And of course, this may all be due to luck.

    Once you realize the child is having a tantrum, sit down, no matter where you are(we were in public those three times-lucky to be at home for the fourth child), gather child in your lap, and hold them firmly enough so they can't thrash, without squeezing. Cross-legged on the floor is best, so that you can throw a leg over theirs if needed. Tell any older children with you to sit down and wait. Let the tantrumee yell, but do not let them thrash. Let the only words out of your mouth be low murmurs of one or two phrases, like 'I know. You'll be okay.' No telling them to stop, or be quiet. They already know that. Ignore passersby, except to smile and nod to them to indicate you have it under control.

    Wait. This is the hardest part.

    Each of my kids took about 20-25 minutes.

    When they are done, all the way done, calm, tired, and able to speak to you again, give 'em a hug, and say 'Okay, that's over. Let's do x(whatever the tantrum was about).' ALL of my children complied with much relief. A full-blown tantrum is very draining. They want to be controlled at this point, because they are so out of control during the tantrum. Let it run its full course, don't try to shorten it, so that the experience is grounded into their head. They just don't want to go there again. It is not worth it. Never refer to the tantrum again, except in funny stories when they are older. They do not need any explanation of what happened and the response. They understand it very well. Nor do they need to be told, if you do this again, that is what will happen. Don't let them know that there is any option of them ever doing that again, and if they do (4 times for the one child, after all, but they were all in one day) just go through the routine again.

    It will be very hard, but you will feel like Super-parent afterwards. And hopefully, it will work as well for you as it did for me.

    Thus ends the parenting advice.
    Sabine, that is so sweet. For some reason, it made me cry. I suspect you are a wonderful mom.

  5. #125
    Sabine's Avatar
    Sabine is offline Senior Member
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    Oh... thank you, Judy.

  6. #126
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Lunch was a pathetic burger patty, mustard, onion, and pickles at the weekly management meeting. I had an organic fuji apple with a tbsp of nutella knockoff when I got back to my desk.
    Dinner, thanks to catching clearance meat, will be a lamb blade chop wrapped in bacon with roasted green beans and ptoatoes. SHIT! Forgot the garlic. Gotta go fix that.
    ETA: Added the garlic to the veggies. Added 2 tumblers of wine to dinner.
    Last edited by naiadknight; 12-03-2012 at 05:49 PM.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  7. #127
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Dessert was a pudding mug cake, because my lightly toasted (ok slightly more than lightly toasted) ass decided to add watered down coconut milk and 3x as much chocolate for " lava" to the recipe and it never gelled. Another egg probably would've solidified it, but it's still damned tasty.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  8. #128
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Breakfast was an apple and nutella knockoff. Lunch was a dinner sized serving of jambalaya.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  9. #129
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Done with Christmas shopping for the most part. Still have a couple things to buy online, and will probably buy some more stocking stuffers as the season goes on. Need to pack and ship the stuff to my folks.
    We also have this year's doomed little tree. I'm hoping it'll at least get in the ground before I kill it. I decorated it earlier, including, Santa Squid, R2-D2, the pig and cow jingle bells, and the Black Knight (the plushie with removable limbs, used as a tree topper.)
    I should eat something. Looks like a mad dash to Jason's before they close.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  10. #130
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    Zee
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    Ooh you reminded me that I need to get the gifts together to ship to our eldest, who won't be home for Christmas this year (two years in a row ). I haven't even STARTED shopping yet.

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