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Thread: for shits and giggles

  1. #41
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Shop Now
    Rangi applied for a fork lift operator job at Paknsave. A white man applied for the same job and since both applicants had
    similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

    When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

    The manager went to Rangi and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, But we've decided to give the white guy the job."

    Rangi, "And why would you be doing that, are you a racist? We both got 19 Questions right?

    Manager, " We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."

    Rangi said, " Tell me now, how would one wrong answer be better than another?"

    Manager, " Simple. On question number 7 the white guy wrote down, 'I don't know.'

    You put down, 'Neither do I.'
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    The Indian With One Testicle

    There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose name was 'Onestone'.

    He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

    After Years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,

    ' If Anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

    The word Got around and nobody called him that any more.

    Then one Day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good Morning, Onestone.'

    He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.

    He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from Exhaustion.

    The word got around that Onestone meant what he said.

    Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

    Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed to see Onestone. 'Good to see you, Onestone.' She said

    Onestone Grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

    Why ???

    OH, come on.

    Take a guess !!!

    Think about it !!!

    You're going to love this !!!

    Everyone knows...

    You can't kill Two Birds

    With OneStone!!!
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Birkenstocks & hairy arm pits.
    A Native American brave was curious as to how he had received his name. So he went to speak to his father, the chieftain of the tribe.

    "Father," he asked, "how is it that I acquired my name?"

    The noble chieftain began a long narrative for his youngest son.

    "Well, my son, I named you and both of your brothers for an event which occurred on the day each of you were born. For example, the day your eldest brother was born, I saw a deer running swiftly through the forest, so I named him Deer Running Swiftly.

    "Likewise, when your middle brother was born, the rain was pouring hard outside of the wigwam, so I named him Rain Pouring Hard.

    "Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

  4. #44
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Egypt with brief trips to Texas
    An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

    As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

    She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

    He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

    She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women.

    As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.

    The two sat sipping in silence.*

    A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

    He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
    AKA: Texas Grok

    Quote Originally Posted by texas.grok View Post
    Facebook is to intelligence what a black hole is to light

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Honolulu, Hawaii
    "Go For Broke"
    Fat Kine-230/24% @ 6'2"
    Small Kine-168/9%
    Now- 200/8%
    Goal- 210/6%

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Planet Earth
    F, 48, 5'10"
    Start Date: 25-06-12 @ 161lbs
    Goal Reached: 30-09-12 @ 143lb. Now bouncing between 145lb - 149lb. I'd like less bounce and more consistency :-)

    Started Cross Fit 20.12.12 ---- Can't wait to submit my success story on the 1st anniversary of starting primal.

  7. #47
    Join Date
    Mar 2011

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    "Honey, its me. Are you at the club?"
    "great I am at the mall two blocks from where you are, I just
    saw a beautiful mink coat. It ‘s absolutely gorgeous!! Can l
    buy it?"
    " What ‘s the price? "
    "Only $1,500 00. "
    "Well, OK. go ahead and get it, if you like it that much... "
    "Ahhh and I also stopped by the Merredes dealership and
    saw the 2001 models. I saw one l really liked. l spoke
    with the salesman. and he gave me a really good price and since
    we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year . “
    "What price did he quote you? "
    "Only $60,000... "
    "OK, but for that price l want it with all the options. "
    “Great! But before we hang up. something else., "
    "what? "
    "lt might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank
    account and. .. I stopped by the real estate agent this
    morning and saw the house we had looked at last year.
    lt ‘s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool. English
    Garden, an acre of park area, beach front property... "
    "How much are they asking?"
    "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price... and I see that we
    have that much in the bank to cover... "
    " Well, then go ahead and buy it. But just bid $420,000. OK? "
    "OK, sweetie . Thanks! I 'll see you later!! l love you! "
    "Bye... I do too... "
    The man hangs up. Closes the phone 's flap, and raises his
    hand while holding the phone and asks lo all those present:
    "does anyone know who this phone belongs to? "
    Last edited by NZ primal Gwamma; 11-23-2012 at 11:33 AM.
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

  9. #49
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    sunshine state
    Three nuns die and go to heaven, but all must answer one question to get in.

    The first nun is asked, "Who was the first man on Earth?" She says, "Adam." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.

    The second nun is asked, "Who was the first woman on Earth?" She says, "Eve." Lights flash and the gates open.

    The third nun is asked, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" Puzzled, the nun is says, "Hmmm, that's a hard one." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.

  10. #50
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Birkenstocks & hairy arm pits.
    Shop Now
    There once was a little old lady who visited the grocery store once a week like clockwork. She always bought a loaf of bread, a wedge of cheese, a head of lettuce, and a large bag of dog food. A clerk there became accustomed to seeing her every week with her unvarying purchases, and one day struck up a conversation.

    “That must be quite a large dog you’ve got,” he said, “if you buy a big bag of dog food like that every week.”

    “Oh my no,” said the little old lady. “I don’t have a dog! This is for my husband.”

    Aghast, the clerk said “Lady, I don’t mean to tell you your business, but you can’t feed your husband dog food, it’ll make him sick!”

    “Oh, I don’t think so,” she replied. “He absolutely adores it. Been eating it for years. Good afternoon!”

    The clerk shook his head and went about his work. Every week he saw her, and every week it was the same thing. A loaf of bread, a wedge of cheese, a head of lettuce… and a large bag of dog food. Then one day the little old lady came in, dressed in black. She looked very sad. And when she came to the cashier, no dog food. Just the bread, cheese, and lettuce.

    The clerk was afraid to ask, but he felt he had to: “No dog food? Is… is your husband alright?”

    “No, I’m afraid he isn’t,” the little old lady said, weeping. “He died!”

    “Lady, I’m really sorry, and I don’t mean to say I-told-you-so, but I told you that dog food was going to make him sick!”

    “Oh no, no, it wasn’t that at all! He was on the couch licking his balls and he fell and broke his neck.”

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