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  1. #31
    NZ primal Gwamma's Avatar
    NZ primal Gwamma is offline Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    THE PRICE OF A BRAIN

    Relatives gathered in the waiting room of a hospital as their family
    member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and
    somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed
    the worried faces.

    "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain
    transplant.

    It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.
    Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the
    brain yourselves."

    The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great
    length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The
    doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a
    female brain."

    The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"
    The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group,
    "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

  2. #32
    otzi's Avatar
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    Cool. Primal Jokes.

    One day Mark Sisson and a Vegan were walking together down the street.
    The vegetarian constantly berated Mark for eating meat!
    After stopping for a hot dog, the vegetarian erupted "Why do you eat meat?, Do you even know what's in that hot dog? You know, you are what you eat!"
    Mark replied "I am what I eat, an uncontrollable vicious animal (beating his chest)"
    As they stepped off the curb a speeding car came around the corner and ran the vegetarian over.
    Mark called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able.
    The injured vegetarian was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
    After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared.
    He told the uninjured Sisson, "I have good news, and I have bad news.
    The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."
    "The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post
    5 Secrets of a perfect relationship

    1. Itís important to have a woman who cooks, cleans and has a job.
    2. Its important to have a woman who makes you laugh
    3. Itís important to have a woman you can trust and who would never lie.
    4. Itís important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you.
    5. It is absolutely imperative that these four woman should never meet.
    much truth to this!
    ----------------------------------------
    F, 48, 5'10"
    Start Date: 25-06-12 @ 161lbs
    Goal Reached: 30-09-12 @ 143lb. Now bouncing between 145lb - 149lb. I'd like less bounce and more consistency :-)

    Started Cross Fit 20.12.12 ---- Can't wait to submit my success story on the 1st anniversary of starting primal.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paleobird View Post
    A very sad looking guy walks into a bar and pulls up a stool. From out of his pocket he pulls a little toy-sized piano. From the other pocket, he pulls out a little Liliputian sized person wearing a black tux. The little guy sits down at the little piano and starts playing.

    The bartender is watching all this and comes over and says, "Um....Do you mind if I ask what is going on here?"

    The man sighs and says, "This is my twelve inch pianist."

    The bartender says, "Your what?"

    "Well, let me put it this way", says the guy. "If a genie ever grants you one wish, SPEAK CLEARLY!"
    I almost had this confused with the "over-sized, one-eyed, trouser snake".
    ----------------------------------------
    F, 48, 5'10"
    Start Date: 25-06-12 @ 161lbs
    Goal Reached: 30-09-12 @ 143lb. Now bouncing between 145lb - 149lb. I'd like less bounce and more consistency :-)

    Started Cross Fit 20.12.12 ---- Can't wait to submit my success story on the 1st anniversary of starting primal.

  5. #35
    Louisa655's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post
    > A recent scientific study found that the kind of male face a woman finds
    > attractive can be different depending on where she is in her menstrual
    > cycle.
    >
    > For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and
    > masculine features.
    >
    > And if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man
    > doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors shoved deep into his
    temple
    > and a cricket stump jammed up his arse.
    >
    > Further studies are expected.
    funniest thing i've ever read...seriously
    ----------------------------------------
    F, 48, 5'10"
    Start Date: 25-06-12 @ 161lbs
    Goal Reached: 30-09-12 @ 143lb. Now bouncing between 145lb - 149lb. I'd like less bounce and more consistency :-)

    Started Cross Fit 20.12.12 ---- Can't wait to submit my success story on the 1st anniversary of starting primal.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by CrazyCatLady View Post
    Back when I was in college, I worked at a large preschool. The kids came from all types of backgrounds, and sometimes we had kids asking why we weren't watching R rated or harder movies.

    One day my job was to sweep and vacuum, which happened to be in front of the bathroom. As I was sweeping, I heard two little boys in the bathroom talking.

    "Why are you in here?" asked one.
    "I am just playing with my balls." replied the other.

    I about choked, knowing that these boys were about 3-4 years old. I couldn't bear to go in, so I asked another teacher to do so.

    One boy was zipping up from peeing. The other boy had two tennis balls that he was bouncing against the wall.
    Funny. I have a true one too, from when my big girl went to kindy. Her bedtime toy was a plush monkey. She and her 'boyfriend' were both 4, and went to the toilet together.
    He: Do you have a willy?
    She: Yes I do.
    He: Oh. My mum says she doesn't have a willy and I thought that maybe girls didn't.
    She: Yes. My willy is a monkey and he sleeps in bed with me at night.
    Disclaimer: I eat 'meat and vegetables' ala Primal, although I don't agree with the carb curve. I like Perfect Health Diet and WAPF Lactofermentation a lot.

    Griff's cholesterol primer
    5,000 Cal Fat <> 5,000 Cal Carbs
    Winterbike: What I eat every day is what other people eat to treat themselves.
    TQP: I find for me that nutrition is much more important than what I do in the gym.
    bloodorchid is always right

  7. #37
    NZ primal Gwamma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by magicmerl View Post
    Funny. I have a true one too, from when my big girl went to kindy. Her bedtime toy was a plush monkey. She and her 'boyfriend' were both 4, and went to the toilet together.
    He: Do you have a willy?
    She: Yes I do.
    He: Oh. My mum says she doesn't have a willy and I thought that maybe girls didn't.
    She: Yes. My willy is a monkey and he sleeps in bed with me at night.
    MM that is classic.....I can so imagine that happening with a couple of four year olds !!!!!!
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

  8. #38
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    A couple was invited to a swanky costume party.
    Unfortunately the wife came down with a terrible headache,
    so told her husband to go to the party alone.

    He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and
    said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed.
    And there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.

    So he took his costume and away he went..

    The wife after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened pain free.
    And as it was still early enough, decided to go to the party.

    Since her husband did not know what her costume was.
    She thought she would have some fun by watching her husband
    to see how he acted when she was not with him.
    She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around
    on the dance floor.

    Dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there.

    So his wife sidled up to him and, being a rather seductive babe herself.
    He soon left his current partner high and dry, and devoted his time to
    the new babe who had just arrived.

    She let him go as far as he wished naturally, since he was
    her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition
    in her ear and she agreed.
    So off they went to one of the cars and had a nice quickie.


    Just before the unmasking at midnight, she slipped away,
    went home, put the costume away and got into bed.
    She was wondering what kind of explanation he would
    make for his behavior.

    She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she
    asked what kind of a time he had.
    He said: "Oh, the same old thing.
    You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

    "Did you dance much?"

    "You know, I never even danced one dance.
    When I got there I met Pete, Bill Browning, and some other
    guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
    But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned
    my costume to."
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

  9. #39
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    lol!

  10. #40
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    these jokes are great

    I never remember them so I have nothing to add except that I am loving this thread!

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