Kymma, Kisses are my only sugar - Journal page

[Kymma]

My name is Kym. Kymma on this forum and some of my friends call me that too. I am 37, 5'10', 236 pounds. Married, mostly successful in my career, no children, no longer actively protecting against having children. I did a Whole30 in April 2011 as a detox program before I had ever even heard of primal/paleo. Oh the reading I did! Oh how my family hated and may still hate it on some levels. It's been an interesting year and half of changes.

Health background and issues: I did the Whole 30 because I had been off cigarettes for a year and still felt terrible. I was hoping to change my life and weight, which I did in many ways. I started the W30 at 225 and ended at 212. I actually just changed the trajectory, as I have no lasting weight and health changes to report. This weight returned in the 6 months after that as I experimented, not really believing I needed to be 100% grain free and fighting my Jabberwocky, which is food, but most specifically sugary treats. Since that time, I have had 6 varicose veins occur and be corrected, which is easy when you do one, but over time, 6 of these procedures and the pain can wear you out. Add into that mix, they found a small mass, biopsied it 2 times, before scheduling a surgery to remove it, once removed, it was precancerous, so it was a close call and a very lucky thing that it was found so early. However, my first brush with real illness and mortality led to a 25 pound gain as I re-examined my life and mindset and mourned the past few years of not living to my fullest, landing me at my highest weight to date. In April 2012, I gave up wheat for good. I have had some small encounters, a piece of dim sum or small piece of cake once a month, but it usually either isn't that tasty or makes my belly hurt, so it is more of a reinforcement bite of wheat. Since April, my weight has yo-yo'd from 250-240. I also believe that I experienced mild adrenal fatigue that peaked in May 2012. I spent the summer resting, taking an adrenal fatigue fighting supplement, and just letting myself rest and recuperate and stop pushing. I did a lot of reflecting on my overachieving ways and what I wanted my life to look like and feel in good shape on that front. I have also gone off the pill and been riding the hormonal recalibration wave since February. It's been interesting.

So fast forward to the last month or so. I was really struggling with my weight and still not really getting anywhere. I've been to the doctor for my yearly and she is a little confused as to why I am not losing weight, with being 98% wheat free, eating rice less than 3 times a week, not eating white potatoes, 80% of the time eating a paleo diet (which she is in full support of). So we run more tests. Results? Insulin resistant. Well, that puts the scare in me. I REFUSE to be a diabetic. I REFUSE to let food win against me. So I came over here, posted a thread, which led me to Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes Solution, which I have been doing for 2 weeks. The first week was a rough start, but this last week was great. I am tracking carbs on sparkpeople and being really strict. No slips, no "Oh I can have a bite."

Thanks to Quelsen, who put the whole sugar thing in great perspective. I am full of sugary goodness. I don't need one more bite. I need to eat so that my body begins to use its reserves. That means NO MORE SUGAR. My goal is to go 6 months sugar free and then retest and re-evaluate my goals. 80% compliant for me is not an option, I am 100% on board. I want 50 pounds off me stat. So that I can know that my diet is working and I am beginning to heal. I do realize that this could take 6 or more months.

My secondary goal is to change some behaviors that need attending to. First off, I sneak cigarettes and partake when I am socializing. So dumb, started when I went off the pill, maybe some final vestige of youthful rebelliousness? Fear of responsibility? Who cares, I need to get that under control stat. I am also an emotional eater, a warrior who swaths herself in fat armor to protect against the world on a few levels. A person who has an unhealthy relationship with food and how I self soothe that needs to be addresses. I feel that this next 6 months is going to help me find new ways of stress relief that do not involve sugar and food. I truly believe that this is it, this is the change, this is when things get so awesome for me, that when I get done with 6 months, I now eat no sugar or wheat. I can finally embrace my outlier eating behaviors and say, this works for me and my life. Because I am the healthiest eater I know, but I do not own it. I plan to own this type of eating behavior and a new lease on health that lasts for the coming years.

So that is the long of why the journal, my health history, and all my goals. I will need a place to discuss the challenges and record the upheaval, successes, failures, and all the stuff that comes out of this commitment and challenge. Among other outliers who get it.

As of today, I have taken off 8 pounds (236) since diagnosed with Insulin Resistance on 11/1.

[JennGlob]

Sounds like you have given yourself a good goal. You have a plan, it is written down, now just make it happen!

I know it took me some time to be really honest with myself about food. I know once I started really looking at what I was taking in, the changes started happening.

You can do it!

[Kymma]

Hello Jennifer!

Now that I am cutting ALL sugar, I am aware and awake to all the sugar I was consuming. This is a food born illness for me. Which is good, bc it means I can use food to cure it. Thanks for stopping by!

[Kymma]

This post contains adult language.

I THINK carb flu is on its way out the door. I feel somewhat better in the fatigue and tired muscle area, well, considering that I live tired and fatigued, lol. However, I will say I am still irritable! But that could be a myriad of other factors. I think adding in more fat really helped. I also feel like in a day or two, I will wake up with a renewed energy. Can't wait for that! I want to get my exercise going, but haven't been able to get going at all.

So far, since I began this on 10/31, I had one moment of weakness on 11/4 with a dumb tootsie pop. However,l it strengthened my resolve and I have been sugar free since. A couple of times, with sauces like A-1 (a S.A.D. fave), I thought, a little bit won't hurt. And then I thought, a little bit today leads to a little tomorrow and this is how I got into this health mess at 37! All I can think when I want to break from this protocol is DIABETES!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU WANT DIABETES?!?!?!?! This is more than being fat,this is being SICK, you idiot!!!!!!

I suppose this insulin resistance stuff is some real motivation for my brain, and for when people have shit to say about how I eat. They can all go take a flying leap, bc I am not listening to their fat, sugar laden asses anymore.

I think I'm finally digging this outlier stuff. If it pays off with me not looking like a S.A.D. fat American and not getting diabetes, well, to hell with the status quo and keeping my rebellious nature at bay. LET THEM EAT CAKE, the fat fucks.

[shelynne62]

Your stats are so like me. I have been yo-yo primaling for over 1.5 years. I am going to follow your threads and see if I can't stay motivated.

[Kymma]

Your stats are so like me. I have been yo-yo primaling for over 1.5 years. I am going to follow your threads and see if I can't stay motivated.

We can support each other! I guess the fear of diabetes clicked something in my brain. I am actually suffering from a fear of carbs at the moment and eating too much fat and cheese. So I have to recalibrate quickly. Finding balance is just so difficult!

You are doing great, you have still reduced your weight by 10%. I am focusing on the first 10%, and you can focus on the 2nd 10%, which will land you at 20% reduction in body weight, no small feat! I'll head for 220 and you head for 189.

[quelsen]

Good for you. both on the progress and the choices you have made.

I use KAL stevia for everything. the Zero Carb'ers will tell you that you cannot ever have sweet, but i find true stevia supports my goals and my way of life.


to date i have found no substitute for KAL stevia, the rest all seem to have something else added.

Good Hunting Kymma

[shelynne62]

Okay it's a deal...I feel renewed by your support and suggestion. Small steps will add up to a big difference for both of us! 189 here I come. And I must say I haven't weighed under 190 since the year 2000.

[Kymma]

Today, I woke up fatigued again. Carb flu persists. And I am at the food aversion stage. Food is boring, I am tired, not really hungry, and just would rather not eat. So I am looking up some recipes to try to re-engage, balance, balance, balance. Maybe I should cook 2 amazing vegetable dishes this weekend. I am having at the point where I am eating too few carbs and counting all carbs, not effective carbs. I guess I need to stop being afeared of vegetables bc of carbs. Weird how that happens.

[Kymma]

Okay it's a deal...I feel renewed by your support and suggestion. Small steps will add up to a big difference for both of us! 189 here I come. And I must say I haven't weighed under 190 since the year 2000.

I haven't weighed 225 in over a year, and I haven't weighed under 200 since '06. I plan to change that. :0 It's a deal, let's do this!!!!