Thank both of you sooooo much. I THINK the anxiety peaked last night. By the time I got home I had a wide eyed, completely bummed out and freaking look on my face. We went and ate Vietnamese, probably my favorite food on the planet, and I had a delicious bowl of curry beef and noodle soup. Not LC, but it did soothe the soul. I almost went out and got my favorite ice cream, but let myself get sleepy on the couch instead. I woke up better today. Hubs started the new job today, I am going to a meditation meet up this evening, and I am doing my burst fitness DVD at 11am with a friend.
I am going to a lecture given by Isabel Wilkerson, who "wrote "The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration" after interviewing 1,200 people about the massive population flight from the Jim Crow South in the 20th century."
One of the great things that came of the play is a strong sense that my life's purpose has something to do with the fight for equal rights, for women, for all skin colors, for sexual identity, for HUMANS. Some of the anxiety could also be from trying to figure out the how. But I know, I don't have to find the how, I just have to know the why.
So my plan is to allow, and to allow what needs to come into being in my life by doing what I feel pulled towards. I am pulled towards meditating, yoga, and exercise, and eating well for my health. I am pulled towards studying and reading about the history of the Women's Rights Movement, as well as the hard pain of our horrible and traumatizing history.
I wonder if I should clear my blog of all the past starts and start writing about my research. It would give me a place to put my research.