Hello again! I guess I have not mentioned that I am currently on a rotation at another hospital and not living at home. So that has been interesting when it comes to eating and exercise. I have a limitied kitchen at the provided housing and I was able to cook eggs and bacon today. As well as eat avocadoes. I do not feel comfortable running around here after dark, unfortunately. When I am at home this is no problem, soooo today I got a month membership at a local gym. Went there and ran for 20 minutes, stretched, did planks, and lifted upper body. Felt great!! But looked so freaking soft in the mirror. Was motivated though.
My mind has been racing lately. I have so many changes coming up in my life in the next few months. Being done with school(!!!!), starting residency, getting married, moving, actually getting paid to be a doctor, more responsibility in general. I am SUPER excited about all of those things. But also pretty terrified. I never thought I would be getting married this young. Granted, I will only be 26, but getting married and even dating was NEVER on my radar. So I still need to wrap my little head around that one. The fiance loves weddings and we are having a healthy sized wedding. I am a little freaked out about that since I am pretty shy and introverted. Don't get me wrong, it will be a total blast, but I am still nervous about it. Again, the people pleaser in me just wants everyone to have a hell of a time and I am nervous that they won't. So all of these changes are making me both excited and anxious at the same time, ahhhhhh.
I am also anxious about these changes to my eating habits, especially given my effed up history with food. The biggest thing I am worried about is how my mom will react. It was SO hard on her when I was going through the anorexia in high school. SO SO hard. And as hard as that was, that's as nice as it is now that I have had a less restrictive approach to eating. So I am worried about her being really upset that I am making all of these changes. But, of course, I have to do what is best for me. It is a work in progress for me for sure. My relationship with her is pretty awesome for the most part. We are probably TOO close, and she knows me so well it is sometimes scary haha.
Well, lots and lots of word vomit there. Just wanted to type that all out so I can read it and go from there. Need to continue to deal with the anxiety NOT by eating like crap, but by doing the grown up thing and taking care of myself. Onward and upward.