A Year Ago Until Today....Just Wow
I'm not going to lie, I have had a rocky and imperfect year but I seem to be going in the right direction. Let's chronicle some events here:
One year ago today: I was just looking at my work email and I found an invitation for a 50th birthday party(in office) for a coworker. They held this little party for this person because they were turning 50 and it is the typical loads of finger foods and cake. Well I really didn't know this person all too well, but I went to the party for the primary reason on engorging myself with food and sweets.
November/December: The gorging continued, i knew I felt miserable, but I had no sense of control over fixing it. I felt depressed, hopeless, and just felt like crap.
January: January rolled around and I had a myriad of problems cropping up. I was a whopping 300 pounds, had gall bladder problems, was not using my CPAP for my sleep apnea. I decided I had to do something and do it fast. I then started TPB and I pulled off about 30 pounds from January-February. I didn't really do TBP to a great degree...my diet was decent but I believe that it could have been better, I didn't exercise at all as well. At this point my blood pressure started jumping up 150/100 was a rough average. Blaming it on TPB I quit it, went to the Dr and found myself on Lisinopril, Norvasc, and Zoloft for the anxiety of it all. Not a fun time.
March: Got caught up in Visalus shakes because a friend of mine was selling them and swearing by them. Lost 10 pounds, but picked up heart palpitations from all the crappy soy they put in it.
April-June: Traditional diet....went very blah but lost 15 pounds. At this point I was down to 245. We then went on a family vacation on a cruise ship. Well lets just say everything was out the window there. Is overeating on a cruise family vacation for a week the absolute worst thing in the world....no. What is bad is getting off the boat and not doing jack squat afterwards for 5 months.
Late October: Welcome back 25 pounds
However, I have been back at it for about 2 weeks now and I have pulled about 10 pounds of that back of so I am getting back where I need to be. I came back to try and go Primal/Paleo again because I have convinced myself that I just wasn't simply doing it right the first time around. I'm guessing it probably had much to do with convincing myself that I could be a Sedentary Primal who knew he should be using his CPAP for his disease that stops him from breathing 100+ times during one night's sleep. Sounds like that was a well thought out plan huh?? However, once i realized again that I had a problem that needed a consistent well rounded solution, I could not convince myself that there was any other option than Primal/Paleo. After reading Sisson/Wolf/Taubes I am convinced that the science is so solid that it is the only thing that makes sense. Also, surprisingly, my cardiologist is all about Paleo and has told me that I should stay down that route.
Sorry for the wall-of-text, but I just wanted to lay out how things have been going for me and the chaos in my mind when I am not on board with making myself healthier. I will note today that, however, I am no longer on the BP meds and no longer on the Zoloft so thats a good thing. The thing that triggered all this, is I was just looking back at a year ago and my idea of a good time was going to a birthday party at work with the main purpose of engorging myself, and my idea today of being "bad" is drinking a once-in-a-blue-moon Coke Zero from the vending machine. One thing I will say though is despite the times of being good and being bad this last year , I have never had the urge at all this year to simply engorge on just absolute crap. A large high-quality meal on a cruise ship sure, but not just simply eating to be eating.
I hope this maybe helps somebody out there who also has this kind of mental chaos going around in their brain in regards to food and weight loss. I finally believe that I have my urges and control problems in check and that I can continue a lifestyle that is Primal and active! Good luck everybody!
Last edited by mauler5858; 12-17-2012 at 02:01 PM.
Can anybody relate to this, or possibly have any insights for me looking forward?
Yes, I can relate. I have been "playing" primal/paleo for over a year. I have had some health issues, minor, but they were a cluster and stressful, so I have yo-yo'd up and down. After I did the Whole 30 in April 2011, I was down 13 lbs, I can no longer remember my weight then, probably close to 210. Headed right back up in the following months to 225. Then had a breast cancer scare and ate my way through November through January. Mass removed (pre-cancer, close call) but I'm at 250. Have a beer, pancake, pasta weekend in early April 2012, swell up, heartburn, give up gluten. Take off a few pounds, but nothing like what one would expect from removing so many foods from the diet. I was keeping rice to less than 2 times a week, a little soy here and there in Asian foods, but mostly eating healthy. EXCEPT for sugar! Ice cream, candy, dark chocolate, I just wasn't being real about it. So I get tested because even my GYN is concerned I haven't lost more weight after being gluten free for 6 months and barely eating grains, and is also happy with the paleo diet I have been "doing.".
BAM, insulin resistant. I am on VLC diet, 0 sugar, 0 starchy vegetables, 0 grains. I can't do some 80/20 thing right now. For me, I have food and eating issues that make me lie to myself and always be that person who can have a "little." But I can't have a little. If I could I wouldn't be 60-80lbs overweight. So I am on program for 60 lbs. No cheats, no little, no bite of dark chocolate here, a little A-1 steak sauce there. I know I may have sugar in a food eating out once in awhile. I don't want to be the person who never goes to parties or restaurants for fear of eating something "bad." I also know I might get fed up and decide to get a few vodka sodas with a friend, I just can't do a weekly treat right now. I just want to do my best to 98% compliant so I don't end up shooting insulin or other things.
"Vacations, not medications!" is my new mantra. I have to be strict right now to heal myself and so I can shut down some of the lifelong issues I have had with food. Once I am confident that I am healed and ready, I can add in that weekly treat of wine or chocolate. Once I have developed other enjoyments that far outweigh some damn meal, can I lighten up on food compliance. I'll check back in and share how I do. Intentions pave the road to hell and all that.
Thanks for opening up, the mental struggle can be hard for sure. My problem is similar to yours but not quite the same. I can handle the 80/20 pretty well. My problem is that I can't be just a little bad or a 50/50 or so. If i am bad, i go completely bad and it takes me way to long to get back on the wagon. I do have a chocolate love. I believe that if you stretched out my DNA that every 10th section of the strand would be cacao. I have found to get by and get my taste of it I get a bar of dark chocolate and eat it slowly over the period of a week. My other two methods are getting the dark chocolate almonds(link below) or enjoy a good glass of Merlot. Many merlot's have some chocolate hints in them, and as most of you know a glass of red wine a day is endorsed by TPB.
Hang in there too Kymma...both of our goals are pretty close. I need to lose 70(5 of it is already done) to be where I need to be. Good luck.