Monk's Primal Journal page 5

[Monk]

My dinner choices are what I want to talk about here, for the last couple of days. I have said enough about my meals for work days, you know them the eggs and apple and the ham and baby spinach, not much has changed there. Although I did eat another of the upsate farms yogurts out of hunger and a needs for something cool and sweet.

Friday, on the way home from work, I was thinking about how I could use the sweet potato chips as a substitute for nachos and buy all the fixings. It was about 2:30pm and I had finished lunch at noon, but felt hunger seep in. I decided to stop at Chiptole, but once in the parking lot, decided Boston Market, since the two are in the same shopping center, where I was. It was then that I also decided to have mashed potatos and gravy(the first time since going primal) and I reasoned with myself that I knew the gravy probably had cornstarch in it. Afterwards I felt the heavy lump in my gut, second guessing my choice, it was done and there was no going back. The point wasn't lost, it was proof that I have been on the right path and have given up on nothing that I really need.

Saturday, i stopped and got soem ribs to take home, crowd or not, I knew the holiday grocery shoppers would be in mass. I have done my best to avoid areas of madness, caused by the shopping season...it isn't a holiday season when we forget that we are buying gifts for loved ones, but hurl great curses at others, out of our own selfishness. Being the more apathetic soul, that I am I will take care of what and who I need to. I will go to the end of the earth to protect those of my bloodline, there aren't too many others I couldn't walk away from with little more than a thought.

I guess I am a bit chatty tonight and am a bit upset that I opened a new word document to have the program freeze up, after a paragraph of babble...now lost. Oh but wait, there is always more, where that came from. I guess my voice is starting grow again, when it has fell silent with no muse to spark the urge to chatter endlessly. Do I have anything of importance to say abot life...or a fictional life, reflected in the images of true life. I have found new things along this ever widening path, darkness has set in and brought wisdom.

How can I kow something before it happens? Ask for someting to be brought to me and it appears? Even if it trickles in, instead of coming in floods..it is the result that matters and I am thankful for the effort. GO a little deeper my friends, seek the unseen and grow. The things that go bump in the night, are not the things we should fear. We should fear stagnation, the wallflowers stuck on the side of our paths, those that wold hold us in path, while the grass on our path, grows high around our ankles. Nothinghappier to have you or me stay with them in misery, because they aren't willing or strong enough to take on change.

Move forward.

[Monk]

Hmm, I think I left off on te weekend, turns out up to x-mas day it was eggs, soup and ribs.

Xmas day --breakfast was one of those GoPicnic box meals, first time I had one. Tossed the crackers and the peanuts from the trailmix. Had to eat something, I was working half a day.
The big meal, for me consisted of olives, kosher dills, ham, green bean casserole, deviled eggs and rasberry jello. Then I had a piece of apple pie...ate the piece I brought home with me, almost as soon as I got home, then I had some ribs.

Today...
one of my coworkers had brought a pear-apple in...normally I try to stay away from frankenfruit, but tried a little piece. There is no way apple trees and pear trees polinate the other, for such a thing. Even the fruit and texture tasted confused.

I had decided to do a little fast today, the rest of the day was water and ate some of the almonds my cookie eating coworkers keeps in her drawer. She kind of keeps a community stash, but I'm the only one who really eats the almonds volunteerily--plus she's on vacation.

my lunch hour was spent napping in the lunchroom with y water bottle.

Dinner was a piece of ham, the green bean casserole I was sent home with. I think I'll go eat another piece of ham and eat the dark chocolate almond cherry bar.

[Monk]

Yesterday I didn't do any food prep work for todays meal...or toorrows. I was in the line of the big snow storm, so the plan was go to bed early and get up to give me enough drive time. Wasn't bad getting to work stopped at Speedway,grabbed a naked juice and two of their egg, bacon and cheeses croisants.

Breakfast was the two heated innards of the croisants minus the croisant and the juice. Had some tea, I've been drinking alot of teh Goodearth tea.
...had a piece of ham and the apple from food i took in.

Lunch was the pile of ham and the goat milk yogurt.

came home and took a tub nap...woke and knew I wanted to eat, but my skillets are dirty(I have a little one that is good for quick eggs). What to eat, with no desire to wash dishes or cook?

Thought maybe Rally's...got on the road and changed my mind and went to Wendy's. Got two Triples with cheese, one for dinner and one for tomorrow. Also got a chocolate frosty, rare treat for me.

Just thinking about tomorrows food, think I might pack some olives and crack the can of tuna and toss in some lemonaise. That might complete my work food. Maybe take one of the kosher dills too.

I need a break from ham, brought ham home from the family dinner and had bought another small ham for the broccolislaw etc. The little ham hasn't been cut yet.

I did pick up some mixed grind bison the other day and want to make some meatballs with cauliflower rice in them. Tomorrow I can get the skillet washed and make the meatballs dinner

On a pet note, I keep forgetting to put this in here, I swiched the cat the Blue Buffalo. She loves it and she has been racing around almost daily. She is about 8, so it is nice to see her with so much energy and she eats the food all the way down. Her old food, she used to leave the crumbs, once she ate the main piece.

Had a bit of a CW moment at the pet store when I was buying the big bag, once I had the cat switched over. I was behind a lady wo had put a bunch of cans of cat food up on the belt. I put the bag of Blue Buffalo up behind her cans. Out of the corner of her eye, she looked at the bag and I saw her shake her head, like she found an issue with my choice of food. I think I smiled to myself and puffed up my chest, because I knew beter.

[Monk]

todays food in order being eaten

tuna w/leomnaise and an apple
reheated Tripple burger minus the bun.
Ribs...

Feeling like not taking anything to work tomorrow, just feeling down. it isn't tired of being primal, it is tired of grinding out days, beginning with the commute, etc. Blame it on the moon today and the need for a vacation.

Tomorrow i might just take my tamari almonds and an apple for the day, something to nourish me, nothing more nothing less.

[valmason01]

Hang in there. This time of year it's easy to get down. Try to make yourself get outside if weather permits. I know that's hard I struggle with that alot. On another note I want to know how the cauliflower rice meatballs turn out.

[Monk]

Hoping to get out and trek thru the snow, now that its my weekend.

I will let you know about the meatballs.

[Monk]

Today, took in my tamari almonds and an apple...did look in the food machine but nothing worth eating.

After work I stopped and got soem broccoli cheddar soup from Panerad the bread. Came home ate that and ate the rest of the ribs. Second weekend in a row I got some arbor Mist Blackbery wine....we'll see if I get my pen out and scribble in my notebook again.

I did have a coworker ask me about losgin weight. i had walked passed her to see if it was snowing, because it looked real dark out for 8ish in the morning. She stopped me and asked if I had lost weight(i had my hoody zipped up) "yep" and she said, that I look like I had. She asked what I had changed..."eating meats, veggies and fruit" Any specific meats? nope, nothing specific...now that i think about it, I should have said, anythig that sed to be breathing, but I was tired and the smartass wasn't awake yet.

[Monk]

Since it's been a few days since posting, I think I'm going to put down the non-primal foods or questionable food i've eaten

Gravy on the Boston Market brisket and the apples there

New years day, when I went in for half day of work i had a taste for orange juice. Noting i the machines, but ginger ale. Drank barely a quarter of one and it really bothered my stomach. Poured the rest out and drank water the rest of the morning.

Three packs of justine's organic dark chocolate peanut butter cups...just because of the peanut butter. They are good and not as sweet as Reeses.

I made my bison and cauliflower rice meatballs...they kind of looked like mini meatloaves after cooking them in a skillet. Verry tasty, the blended cauliflower cooked enough in the frying process. I think I would use more cauliflower than I did, but had enough to have little bits in each meatball.

Tonight had rotis chicken and then had some almonds and raw honey.

Think I'll make spanish cualiflower rice for next week, to use the rest of the cauliflower.

My cookie eating coworker came back from vacation and kind of took me off guard. I was sitting there, it was like the first hour in, she turned around and said to me,"you look so young." Now remember, she is the same age as me...I am a young looking 47 to begin with, but this was like she meant I looked even younger.

Another note on the coworker, she is going through sugar withdrawls, someone we know thru work had a heartattack and died in their sleep. I told her all the symptoms of sugar withdrawl, I really hope she doesn't give in, but we all know, that a small percentage actually take the change...more often they don't.

Hopped on the scale today, looks like I might've lost a couple, but didn't look that close. I was more interesed in the top of my belly, sideview, it is sunken in a little more and my chest sticks out more. I've started treating my chin bar like mistletoe, it has been attached to my bedroom door for years. Every time I go under it i will do some pull-ups or chins.

[Monk]

I just got finished importing my pictures from today, comparing the previous weeks and staring at teh drastic changes that my body has gone thru in the last 12 weeks.I keep updating the newset week, next to the first weeks picture and that's the one I usually stare at...I just love seeing the change and it gets me emotional every time. I can't say I was as big as some here, but watching your body change for the better is good at whatever starting point we had.

I was always a skinny little kid, until my teens, able to wolf down alot of food, with little gain. It wasn't until my 20's that I realized how I could lift weights and eat different food groups to morph my body into something different. Now another evolution for me, is in the works and I love it.

Oh, let me add this, I lost two more lbs, so now I'm at 175. It took my body a few weeks to start burning weight/fat off, but it's begun.

Just a food note, I starting eating barbacoa, in place of chicken on my Chipotle visits...love shredded beef.

[Monk]

Two days gone, the monkey on my back won, whispering into my ear, seducing me with the need for chocolate milkshakes and one meal of loaded fries. That gooey orange cheese-like substance, was justified with the words,"but they have bacon on them." lesson learned. I shook the monkey off, ended the binge, fasted a bit and came back swinging.

The voices in my head, are my own worst enemy, teasing me with old memories of foods I used to eat. They rattle on amongst themselves, as I bide my time. i find excuses for the side I want to win, push the others back, come home and eat some grapes. It feels like a relapse, but it is only a slip. I never fell off the wagon, I held on, feet dragging, white knuckled. What's a little blood among friends or would that be fiends?