Please help me! gain some more perspective again
During the last 2years I've gotten so much issues regarding food,feeding wrong gut organisms&selftrust when it comes to eating food that makes me feel 'happy'. Also scared of macro's,as in too much carbs/fats etc. Which led me totally astray down a destructive path of eaating once a day at a buffetrestaurant(kinda inspired by 180DegreesHealth by raising metabolism stuff) and then keeping busy&go to the gym to make up for it.
And the feeling of never doing enough/having to exercise constantly (though I really don't know what to do anymore most days....started a kind of Stronglifts program.Unfortunately there's no CF here.),being scared by all the paleo-talks about IF,sitting too much,normal meal frequency,gaining weight etc. (I really can't watch tv comfortably anymore....)
I actually have to gain some weight,but during some anxious moments I'm afraid I'll get fat again (just like I was when the Lyme&Co started years ago though I didn't know it back then.)
I've gotten so much food-issues,falling off the wagon/binges etc.,scared by all the talks over here and Paleohacks etc.(I sometimes get the feeling the entire Paleo-community is even more BodyDismorphic as it's all about losing weight,bodyfat percentages etc.) I'd love to be able to eat 3healthy meals a day,but I also constantly worry about the practical aspect of all the preparing and wanting to be out of the house&go places.
I'd actually love to be able to enjoy starting to eat more (as I realistically know a bigger body needs more fuel) and feeling I'm doing enough(yes,I know about the post Mark wrote recently),like they for instance do on LiftBigEatBig though I'm not at all at those weights. I actually love the enthusiasm,deliciouslooking meals and 'naivety' this girl(though she doesn't call herself Paleo and not all of it is entirely 'considered Paleo') has when it comes to macro's/quantity eating much/foodgroups/exercise/'regular'meal pattern/body image etc/sitting too much etc..
My Food Diary: What I Eat (Part 2) - YouTube
I'm thinking about doing something like the Maker's Diet (though I unfortunately don't have the book nor finances to buy it,can't find a torrent of it either. I know GAPS is kinda the same but relies so much on broths,which I've tried to make a couple of times but always ended up throwing it away as it looked and tasted like nothing,despite having viewed/seen many how-to-videos on it.)
I guess I've been so scared,bc of my (medical)past,that I'm used to 'not feeling so good' and kicking myself in the ass to go on (back in the days 5 to 6days a week of 1hour High cardio....yet when I was done I usually feel mentally better/less anxious,still does it seems I'm just doing it with all the wrong reasons now to go to the buffetrestaurant&binge mostly on lots of icecream&whipped cream.Bc that's one of my other more practical problems,I love to eat tasty food however am a cooking noob&never really liked cooking/preparing stuff.)
I'm totally offbalance and sometimes 'secretly wish' I could go back to my days back then,when I was still 'naive'regarding food (I ate what I liked and yes mostly lowfat products,lots of bread/pasta/pizza and other pre-prepared food with lots of veggie oils,dining out,never cooked back then) and do my exercise before dinner,thinking of it now usually fasted bc I felt/feel most energetic on empty stomach though feeling hunger too but I never heard of such things back then,and then with my favorite breaddish or whatever get down tired on the couch while watching some kind of favorite show and staying worndown in front of the tv till bedtime and all other.)
So,can you help me get some perspective back? ......(i've been searching for good psychologist also because I'm a HighlySensitive Person,but haven't found one yet).