Really, really long story short, I don't feel good when I eat real food. Fat and protein digest poorly, while wheat seems to be the elixir of the gods. I discovered this the other week after devouring about a metric ton of horrifyingly unhealthy birthday cake and pizza. It gave me a headache, but aside from that, I felt perfectly happy and content, which is a pretty rare occurrence these days. It confused the hell out of me, especially considering I can't even eat chicken tenderloin without feeling so irritable I want to throw a baby out the window, so I started experimenting. This past week or so I have been eating virtually nothing but boxed foods and refined wheat. We're talking waffles for breakfast, Pastaroni for lunch (an old fat-me favorite), and a Totinos pizza for dinner, with three or four Capri Suns spread throughout the day for good measure.

And I can happily report that my mood has been more balanced, I've seemingly put on some much needed lean mass (with obvious fat gain), and I have more energy. More acne, too, but that's a more than welcome tradeoff for feeling like a human being again. Somewhere, Matt Stone is doing a Snoopy dance and giving the finger to the Paleo community, I'm sure.

Now, none of what I'm doing should lead to improved health, in much the same way eating curried pork shouldn't make me feel terrible, and I honestly have no explanation for what the hell is going on. I'm going to continue to eat this way until I have some meaningful results from a gastroenterologist I have an appointment with on the 7th*. I figure it can't hurt to eat shit and feel good for a week or two until I can figure out just what's wrong with my body. I will report back when I have results.

*I like to think of myself as a thoughtful hypochondriac, and so far the nearest match I've seen with a symptoms list has been with h. pylori/peptic ulcer. Hyperthyroidism comes in close second, but as soon as food lands in my gut, the problems start, so I will be exploring the GI avenue.