View Poll Results: What should I do when my husband wants to cook pasta for guests?

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  • Eat the sauce from round the pasta and try and hide the fact I'm avoiding it.

    7 25.00%
  • Make a big fuss about it in front of my guests.

    1 3.57%
  • Lie and say the doctor has told me to avoid gluten.

    13 46.43%
  • Shut up and eat the damned pasta.

    7 25.00%
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Thread: Husband wants to cook pasta for guests page 2

  1. #11
    jendoe's Avatar
    jendoe is offline Senior Member
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    Gotta agree, the poll choices aren't great.

    Here's what I'd do.

    1. Talk to husband. Don't fight about the stupid pasta, him and the guests can eat it til they're sick if they want! Just ask that he make (or you offer to make!) some supplemental things. Meatballs (with no breadcrumbs!) would be awesome, and would not be out of place with pasta at all. Everyone could enjoy them, and you could skip the pasta and put sauce on the meatballs and be good, for example. Some sort of veggie would work similarly - something that's not at all weird or out of place, that the guests can enjoy as an extra side, but that you can use as the main meal. Whether it's cabbage or zuchinni noodles, or just some veggies sauteed in olive oil (i.e. onions, zuchinni, mushrooms, anything else you want to throw in).

    Both of these give you awesome tasty options that can be enjoyed by everyone, and do not seem out of place at all. There's no reason to make a big deal out of them, because they're just normal foods. See?

    2. I'd probably skip the pastries myself, if at all possible. I know, they're delicious, but I have a very low tolerance for sugar - I backslide to my old super-craptastic-sugar-all-the-time-diet very easily. The pain isn't worth it to me. Are the pastries THAT good?

    3. Longer term suggestion, get a good paleo cookbook for the husband (or learn to do some of the cooking yourself.) I know some of them have a whole section of "paleo treats" - this will give you guys an outlet for making baked-type-sweets that will be less damaging to your body! I haven't done much with this myself, but I remember someone here saying that when her and her husband started out, they did a ton of the paleo-treats, to avoid feeling deprived when they were getting used to the diet. It gave them a chance to adjust, heal their bodies, and figure out how to work within the plan - then after a year or so they naturally started to decrease the treats (didn't feel like they wanted/needed them all the time).

    4. You might want to look into why you're still having an "uncomfortable gut". Is it because you're still doing too much gluten? I read somewhere that healing from gluten problems really takes at least 30 days of *STRICT* no gluten eating - even one slip up sets you back (not sure how true it is, but something to think about).

    Good luck, and be strong. I think there's an easy solution (see #1 above!) that keeps you and the hubbie happy, and let's you enjoy sharing dinner with your friends!

    Have fun

  2. #12
    sarasue624's Avatar
    sarasue624 is offline Senior Member
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    I think the OP might have not included the "pour over other foods" option because OP knows if the pasta/pastries are on the table in front of OP, OP will eat them. If OP's like me, OP'd eat them and the primal option!

    There are really three possible explanations: (1) Hubby knows he is enabling your addiction and doesn't care about your health. (2) You are so non-assertive that super-dense hubby doesn't realize his decisions are affecting your decisions and your body. (3) Hubby does realize his decisions affect yours but secretly believes you should just "get over" your addiction - like he might believe he did.

    All of these are relationship issues! And I have no answers. I will warn, though, if you take some of these pieces of advice and make your own veggies and dessert to add to his, hubby might think you are being passive aggressive in the argument about food. If your guests choose the primal food over the non-primal food, hubby may be offended!

    So the question is really this: which do you value more, your hubby's ego or your own body?

  3. #13
    palebluedots's Avatar
    palebluedots is offline Senior Member
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    Seriously, say whatever you want to get out of eating the pasta and have zucchini noodles instead. As for the pastries, just decide ahead of time that you aren't going to eat them, and then don't! Besides, if you tell your guests that you can't have gluten to avoid the pasta, aren't they going to think you are a total weirdo when you chow down on the pastries?

  4. #14
    Urban Forager's Avatar
    Urban Forager is online now Senior Member
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    Why is your hubby cooking pasta? Pasta is boring. There are so many yummy primal foods. If he is such a good cook challenge him to cook a delicious primal dinner and dessert. See if he can make something so tasty that the guests won't even know they've eaten a grain free meal.

  5. #15
    sarasue624's Avatar
    sarasue624 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CelloIsLove View Post
    Edit: Ok, I have to say something about the previous post. All those assumptions sound like very typical types of assumptions spouses (usually female ones) get about their significant others. You want to do this because you don't care about my health. You want to do this because you want to feed your ego. I know this because I find myself making wide assumptions like that too sometimes, but you must reel yourself in. Men are very simple creatures. He probably just misses pasta. They don't get offended by a lot of things. Men are not women. If he wants to splurge one night, let him. He's not specifically trying to sabotage you. The man just wants some pasta.
    Cello, that possibility was #2!

    It's a mistake to lump all men in the unaware-of-surroundings emotionally-unintuitive category. Men exist on a spectrum of emotional intelligence and awareness. They may be socialized to damp that intelligence down, but some use that (pretty ugly) stereotype to assert dominance. I have no idea what the OP's hubby is like, which is why #2 is a possibility.

  6. #16
    Louisa655's Avatar
    Louisa655 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by orielwen View Post
    My husband and I started this together a few months ago. We've both seen good results, but I think it's benefited him more than me. I've had a bit of an uncomfortable gut since a little before starting this and it hasn't gone away. I do wonder whether it's gluten-related, but haven't been able to cut it out for much more than a week at a time to test. (A blood test for coeliac recently came back negative.) The trouble is that he's the cook, and although he sees and extols the benefits of this way of eating, he doesn't believe gluten and grains have much to do with it: he thinks it's all about carbs. So he thinks nothing of buying sausages with breadcrumbs in, or adding a little flour to thicken a sauce.

    And when we have guests round, as we will on Sunday, he uses that as an excuse to cook all the pasta and fancy pastries that he's been denying himself. I feel rather undermined by this, not only because it's another setback in trying to discover whether my gut problems are gluten-related but because I talk about how good eating lots of meat and vegetables is to my friends, but when they come to visit we feed them pasta and pastries. Hardly a good advertisement.

    I'm not a very assertive person and have already tried to persuade him to avoid the flour, without success. So what, if anything, should I do about it?
    I'm giving your husband the benefit of the doubt here. It may be that he does not know how much cooking pasta for friends on Sundays is upsetting for you.

    Sit your husband down, in a calm manner, and start the conversation like this:

    "Honey, I'm looking forward to having our friends over on Sunday. You are such a great cook, and it's really enjoyable for me to have you cook while I enjoy conversation with our friends." (step 1: Provide a compliment).

    Honey, I'm not sure whether you are aware of how how proud I am of us becoming part of the paleo community. I feel empowered to be moving towards greater health. I also find the transition to greater health a little challenging.

    Step 2: Communicate the problem:
    "Honey, I feel frustrated with pasta menu on Sundays. It's hard for me to not eat the pasta, given all the work that you put into cooking it, however at the same time, I know that I won't feel well on Monday, if I eat that yummy pasta. I wish I didn't have this problem because it's causing me stress. Also, if I decide not to eat the pasta, I feel that it could make our guests feel awkward.

    Step 3: Ask for help in solving this problem:
    "Honey, I need your help and support in keeping me on the path to greater health through the paleo lifestyle. I wonder if we could think of a Sunday menu that would satisfy our paleo lifestyle, and be tasty for our friends and family. Could we table some ideas for a new Sunday menu? I sure appreciate your help with this."

    Step 4: Thank your husband and re-iterate how much he means to you.
    "Honey, thanks for listening and appreciating my concerns: Means the world to me. I'm going to order one of Mark Sisson's paleo cookbooks now, to help us menu plan for Sundays. **kiss kiss**

    A woman should not consider herself 'assertive' when asking her spouse for support. If I were your guest and I noticed that you were eating something different than what you cooked me --- well, I'd be wondering why that is and it would make me feel awfully weird. Ask your husband to make the pasta as a side dish to a main that you can all enjoy.

    Cheers/lu
    ----------------------------------------
    F, 48, 5'10"
    Start Date: 25-06-12 @ 161lbs
    Goal Reached: 30-09-12 @ 143lb. Now bouncing between 145lb - 149lb. I'd like less bounce and more consistency :-)

    Started Cross Fit 20.12.12 ---- Can't wait to submit my success story on the 1st anniversary of starting primal.

  7. #17
    NZ primal Gwamma's Avatar
    NZ primal Gwamma is offline Senior Member
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    emasculate him, and twist while you are doing it
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

  8. #18
    Gilleh's Avatar
    Gilleh is offline Senior Member
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    OP. Are you for real?
    Everything is bad for something - How do you feel today?

  9. #19
    Damiana's Avatar
    Damiana is offline Senior Member
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    Yeah, why not give your guests some options? Grill some steaks alongside the pasta, let your guests choose. Who's to say all your guests will like pasta?
    F 28/5'4/100 lbs

    "I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath; do your research."

  10. #20
    Lynna's Avatar
    Lynna is offline Senior Member
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    Make pasta and spaghetti squash and let guests make a choice of what they want for their sauce. Or buy einkorn pasta - a lesser evil to modern wheat. I've used it for family and they can't tell the difference. There is white and whole wheat.

    White Einkorn Spaghetti

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