new journal, hopefully of progress page 8

[katemary]

GRRRRR.

A certain thing at work is making me so cross, frustrated, upset at the unfairness and at the same time seriously reconsidering my career if my hard efforts/skills are not recognised...to the contrary, it seems to make me a target. The need to deal with this is probably cause for my dark mood - just need to deal with this response until its done, then can at least put it aside.

B: large black coffee. another one two hours later with splash of milk

L: given dinner last night and no breaky, had baked potato with beef bolognaise and sour cream and spring onion with some nasty salsa on top that tasted more chemical than tomato.

D: worked late. have the shits/am very depressed. Not eating.

Pity my rage doesn't inspire me to work my ass off with exercise.

Still chucking a private tantrum is probably better than the severe depression/anxiety that leads me to usually say 'fuck it' and drown my sorrows in 2 bottles of wine.

I just hate my life sometimes.

[katemary]

B: scrambled eggs and bacon, but didnt eat much
two large black coffees
L: upset about something so got all teary and tears do kill the appetite, so no lunch, 1/2 banana about 430
D: lamb cutlets with middle eastern spice mix, salad with fetta and avocado

[katemary]

B: boiled egg. mango

two large black coffees, one with CO

L: burrito bowl from GYG, hold the rice. slow cooked beef, black beans, salsa and guacamole. very yum.

don't think I am having dinner tonight. Very crampy or yuck feeling. Glad its a long weekend.

[katemary]

So didn't have dinner but did end up hiaving red wine, a couple of breezers and even a beer!

Sat really bad hangover. Banana, mango, apricot, coconut and cream

A cruskit with peanut butter to feed hangover. Worst part of drinking is that it is not just the nigt out, but the food to cure it the next day...

Lamb roast for Australia day! With potatoes, pumpkin, peas and gravy. Given all the other options, it was at least mostly whole foods.

[Ayla2010]

mmm lamb!

[katemary]

Brunch: 3 egg omelette with bacon, tomato, cheese. Tea with splash milk

Intended to buy large black coffee with small splash milk, but walked away before I reaslised I had a skim cappucino. Geez it was sweet.

Dinner: left over roast as above.

[katemary]

Monday was horrific. An amazing up followed by a crushing blow. I won't elaborate, but I did cry through 2 bottles of wine. I think from the state of affairs, (tmi) I threw up at some point and I sent sme regrettable text messages to the source of my angst. hmmm.

hangover day wasnt great. BUT my 5-HTP arrived in mail at lunchtime, sucked down two tablets by 5pm and it was hard to assess whether calm was hangover fading or tiredness and the exhausation that comes with bawling your eyes out.

Today took 5HTP in am, and one when I got home at 930 pm. It is an appetite suppresant, too early to say whether my mood is a product of resignation to new circumstances re man in question or 5HTP mind numbing. anyway lets see. Fortunate timing

[katemary]

anyway, so my first three weeks were followed by a bad week.

To hard to assess the 5HTP with all the angst, drinking, hangovers and shit food.

anyway, moving on

B: boiled egg, large black coffee

L: rotiserrie chicken and steamed veg

D: my bolognaise with vegie thingo, with some sour cream. thank god for frozen bolognaise when you get home at 9pm ...and there is bread in the house!

[Annieh]

Good primal food decisions today, katemary. When things are rough it's one nice way to give yourself some TLC.

[katemary]

Thanks Annie, good way of looking at it!

Tues

B: cheesy omelette
L: tiny bit of salad, bit roast chicken, bit of canned salmon with balsamic
D: few glasses of red, so skipped dinner

Wed

B: boiled egg and long black
L: GYG beef and guac with salsa and black beans
D: aargh - stuck at work and someone brought me plate of mini sausage rolls and pies and asian rolls...ate them without thinking, so didnt have anything when got home

Today

B: omelette with tomato cheese and bacon
LL: limited options as out - lamb burger and chips. Doh
D: lamb loin, asparagus, eggplant