It's not tragic, well it is, but not from a health standpoint. From a coffee lover's standpoint.
What about this? Get a little stovetop espresso maker. And a coffee grinder if you don't have one. Experiment with the most beautiful organic coffee beans you can find. Experiment with different "milks," i.e., coconut oil, coconut cream, pastured or organic whipping cream, pastured or organic half and half, etc. Experiment with various sweeteners and artificial sweeteners (search Mark's blog for info on the artificial ones). Come up with your perfect coffee drink. Chill it if you like it cold - love iced coffee in summer.
If espresso is too rich, try a french press.
Your current drink has four teaspoons of sugar in it. It comes in a can. I'm not trying to exacerbate your feelings of good vs bad when it comes to food, just pointing out some stuff. I think once you find your perfect coffee drink, the stuff in the can will become a distant memory. But if it doesn't, don't feel guilty, enjoy it! We only get one shot at this life, so we might as well enjoy as much of it as we can.
It's a little sugar, as long as it doesn't turn into a lot of sugar, you're fine. Recovering from an eating disorder, of all things, you should not be sweating the small stuff. Take care of your mental health too and stop with all the guilt.
F 28/5'4/100 lbs
"I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath; do your research."
I can't stop on regular sugar. Consumption of chocolate and sugar in my coffee stalled me. However, I find I do fine with fruit. It doesn't cause cravings. Now, I will at times overeat fruit- like really good watermelon or just seasonal, but it isn't a habit. I do fine eating 2-3 servings a day and it helps round out my diet rather nicely.
I second the french press idea. Good coffee is so much more rewarding than mediocre coffee.
Female, 5'3", 48, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135.
Starting squat: 45lbs. Current squat: 145 x 4.
You're fine, you are drinking and then starting your day so hopefully you are a little mobile in the morning and can use up that sugar, but as a lover of espresso, I do drink it black, the flavors are so good and dark and bold I would suggest trying to appreciate it black, or maybe a little half and half in there, which would only be like 1 carb and 0 sugar.
I like those little cans of Starbucks Espresso but it only took a few days of simply brewing decent (I grind 8 O'Clock Columbian) coffee in a $20 drip machine and then pouring it over about 1/4" of heavy cream at the bottom of my cup to convert me. Delicious and without all the sugar.
I don't think the Primal BP (or any other eating plan) can address the twisted, emotional relationship with food that leads to that kind of thinking. I don't think it would have worked for me anyway. I had to figure out how to stop punishing myself with food before I could really be satisfied with a primal diet.
CW-125, part calorie counting, part transition to primal
GW- Goals are no longer weight-related