Been there, done that. Realized after the damage was done that it was because I was unhappy.
The emotional affair turned 'love affair' left me dried up and even worse off than before. It took me a long time to come to terms with 1. ruining my first marriage (even though things were not good by any means) and 2. being used up - used up to make someone else who was unhappy make themselves feel better about themselves.
Sure it's love? Not just lust? Not just because something is lacking in your marriage? Sure her attraction isn't because she needs someone to make her feel better?
Get counseling, or better yet, start some meditation and serious introspection as to what's going on in your head/life/marriage to make you feel this way.
Today I will: Eat food, not poison. Plan for success, not settle for failure. Live my real life, not a virtual one. Move and grow, not sit and die.
My Primal Journal
good god, "odds and ends" is turning into a real soap opera lately.
you know that we endeavor to eat like cavemen, not act, look or justify our lives by them?
My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm! My non-food blog.
OK, in an effort to make this less of a soap opera and more relevant to MDA, I'm wondering why, if the seed-spreading theory is the primal motivator here, why all the emotional baggage?
There are many women I could screw with no strings attached. Really, hooking up is effortless these days and the most attractive women seem the most eager. If sex with OW were the destination, I'm sure taking the long way around.
So assuming I'm not that unique, what, in a primal/tribal setting, would be the reason for such strong feelings of attachment for multiple women? If there's not a "reason" for a man to have these feelings, they wouldn't exist.
There is an update to the soap opera part as well. Turns out wife has known all along and understands more than I expected.
Holy Crap! You told her? Brave man.
I wanted to tell you that you are not alone and that this is not just a male thing. (sorry ladies) I am in a similar situation. I have been married for 19 yrs. We have a good life, but there is a lot of up and down history. In 2010 I nearly died from pulmonary emboli. The incident strengthened my marriage, but also changed me. Due to that and being Primal, I am so much more alive now than I was before. It is hard to explain. I "feel" attracted to several men in my life and am enjoying the attention. One man in particular has touched my heart. He is a dear friend from my gym who also had a near death experience at a young age. Our deep conversations about life and death have led to even deeper feelings for each other. Having said that, we flirt, but we both know where I stand on the cheating issue.
Just know, I totally "get" where you are coming from.
Your wife is great to be so understanding.There is an update to the soap opera part as well. Turns out wife has known all along and understands more than I expected.
I don't think anything here is really surprising. Very dangerous to your longterm happiness though. Don't assume this won't destroy your marriage, even if you do not have sex with this woman.
I've read quite a few scientific papers over the years on the differences in reproductive and sexual psychology between men and women (something I'm really interested in). This isn't me plucking an idea out of my ass, it's a pretty well researched and studied area. No, not ALL women or ALL women fit this pattern, but it is a generality that applies to many.
I don't think humans are gorillas.
Sex at Dawn | Melissa McEwen on food anthropology, economics, and culture
And we seem to have some biological reasons for monogamy: Semen during pregnancy | Melissa McEwen on food anthropology, economics, and culture
In other words, I don't really believe the whole "men are made to be promiscuous and women aren't" argument. It may be biologically feasible, but we're searching for optimal, and what our ancestors found out to be the best through a long time of trial and error.
I still think you're scaring yourself too much. Have you never been "just friends" with a girl before in your life?