as far as grok and emotions and fidelity? lmao. monogamy and marriage are constructions of the church, to aid in men consolidating wealth and assets. it had nothing to do with "love", only power. marrying for "love" is a very recent notion and makes peeps make all high-holy-hell of bad decisions.
my understanding is that aboriginal and hunter/gatherer groups had/have far more fluid norms about sexuality and who does what with whom. tribal living is the norm, so the offspring of any spread seed were cared for by many, not just in a tiny household like now.
for generations, it was more comfortable for male researchers to stick with the notion that women are inherently monogamous and men are innately randy. all sorts of misguided, ignorant and hurtful notions of women's carnality helped keep women second-class and housebound. in many cases, literally. denying them education, reproductive rights and hobbling them with corsets and hoop skirts. here's a fan and some smelling salts, miss, in case that overheated vagina gives you any trouble. The Straight Dope: What is nymphomania?
today in many cultures, the idea of a woman being sexually autonomous remains so threatening that they undergo clitoral mutilation. women are forced to be covered from head-to-toe when in public, to prevent men from attacking them. it's not the man's fault for lacking self-control, it's that she-devil showing her elbow.
As I ate the oysters with their strong taste of the sea and their faint metallic taste that the cold white wine washed away, leaving only the sea taste and the succulent texture, and as I drank their cold liquid from each shell and washed it down with the crisp taste of the wine, I lost the empty feeling and began to be happy and to make plans.
– Ernest Hemingway
Good luck with the counselling. I think that and separation from OW will help.
Journal on depression/anxiety
Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).
"What’s the evidence for all this? Brizendine cites a single 2008 brain-scan study, of 14 women and 12 men, which found a gender difference in part of a lab experiment that tried to simulate empathy. The paper itself declares that “functional neuro*imaging data on gender differences in empathy remain scarce.” When I asked a couple of scientists to weigh in, one said he wouldn’t base any substantive conclusion on this paper, since initial findings of sex differences in the brain often don’t amount to much. The other pointed out that if men and women really processed emotions differently, you’d expect to see far greater variation in fMRI data.
Yet one of Brizendine’s more believable claims is that when she weaves theories like the one about TPJ for her patients, they smile with recognition. Maybe this is because the science will one day catch up with Brizendine’s ideas. Or maybe as a species we’re predisposed to be preoccupied by difference, as the Harvard psychologist Elizabeth Spelke argues. Or maybe we are still in recovery from that brief time in the 1970s when boys really were expected to play with dolls and some New Age man somewhere hung his house with crystals.
But isn’t it time to acknowledge that any rigid insistence that men and women are exactly the same has long since given way to common sense? Brizendine’s trick, after all, is to give a scientific veneer to “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.” Which dates to 1992. At this point, it’s hardly daring to say that there are momentous innate sex differences in the brain. It’s just dubious."
As I've stated before... while there are many women and men who fit a set of normative feminine and masculine 'values' perfectly (enough to form major stereotypes)... just as many do not (enough to form other alternate stereotypes).
Many lie somewhere in the middle... and some are polar opposites to the reactions you'd expect from the sex.
The brain chemistry is not so simple as female sexual organs = has all feelings as all women do.
Or the same equation but for male sex organs and men.
Not by a long shot.
There are sex/gender issues that come into play.
Sex and sexuality issues, that may or may not change a persons feminine or masculine traits.
And many other issues, such as how our society and culture DEFINES what masculine and feminine traits are.
Last edited by cori93437; 10-11-2012 at 09:58 AM.
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.
Start date: 7-5-12
GOAL: to live to be a healthy and active 100
"In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties."
Henri Frederic Amiel
This thread has gone on longer than I ever anticipated and my story really doesn't deserve the attention. But I would like to thank everyone who has responded. There isn't a single response that hasn't be helpful or thought-provoking in some way. And even though some of them were stern, none were condescending or mean-spirited.
What will happen:
- I will see a therapist
- My wife will get more loving attention than she can stand
- No cheating with OW will happen
- At a minimum, no situations that facilitate sex with OW will happen
- AND it makes sense to distance myself from OW somewhat, but our families are too close for separation
The only new update is that my wife and OW are arranging a double date with me/wife and OW/douchebag for tomorrow evening. I'm terrified.