Polyamoruous Love Sickness: Can This Be Primal? page 10

[liminal_luke]

Here's the tricky thing for me about the OW. On the surface she wants you because you're everything the men in her life so far haven't been--caring, genuine, etc. But what will she end up thinking if she succeeds one magical night by the fire in taking things a step farther? After the euphoric haze clears she'll come to the conclusion that she was right in the first place: all men are pigs. Afterall if you could betray your wife, what's to stop you from betraying her?

[LordPistacchio]

I was thinking in fact of something that happened to my partner... she didn't want him when he was available. She wanted the drama, frisson, and attention. She barely spoke to him the whole time he was single...

...I wonder exactly just how interested your OW would have been if you had offered to leave your wife and sail off into the sunset with her, or whether she was another of those who just wanted attention and excitement, and dare I say to stir things up a bit.

Would anyone be shocked to learn that I got freindzoned a lot before I met my wife?

[LordPistacchio]

Here's the tricky thing for me about the OW. On the surface she wants you because you're everything the men in her life so far haven't been--caring, genuine, etc. But what will she end up thinking if she succeeds one magical night by the fire in taking things a step farther? After the euphoric haze clears she'll come to the conclusion that she was right in the first place: all men are pigs. Afterall if you could betray your wife, what's to stop you from betraying her?

You're right, the last thing she needs is to see me turn into a pig. And she certainly doesn't need to bear the guilt for it afterwards.

[Picaro]

So, now that your good wife is up to speed, and hasn't spun out on you, I think if possible you could get the two dialogues together on this.( A "trialogue") .....It should be possible since the two ladies are friends, and then all cards will be on the table out in the light so to speak. From what there is to see in this thread it appears that you guys may be whole enough to sort through this yourselves, thus avoiding having to reshape advice given with someone elses moral and ethical paradigm.

[pace2race]

and what you're about to do, is the dumbest thing any man in a longtime marriage could do, is trade 80 to get 20, or more to get even less. No one could stay in a committed marriage for 24 years without getting at least 80% of what they need from a partner to be happy with them. Hell, she might be coming up with 90 - 95% from what you describe. What you're fixated on is the missing percentage. Suppose OW is all of the missing 20%? How much of the other 80% does she have? If you leave DW will you ever be that close again to having the 80% you have now? It's why the second marriage is more likely to end in divorce than the first. Trading 80 to get 20. Just steeeeewpid!

[twa2w]

"men are made to be promiscuous and women aren't"
A little off topic but this makes no sense - if the men are promiscuous and the women aren't - who the heck are the men boinking - each other?
I have seen many studies in the past that say men on average have x number of partners but the women have only x-y number of sexual partners. This does not add up. First of all there are roughly equal numbers of men and women - so put 50 men and 50 women in a commune - at the end of ten years - on average they will have to have equal number of opposite sex partners - it is simple math. There are two comments on this 1) a survey won't show this - men brag and women minimize. 2) Likely to do with upbringing about 'women shouldn't'. I have met more promiscuous women than men. In my married years I have had several women discuss with me that they are bored and looking for 'something". I have yet to have a conversation with a man about him going looking.
Sorry - back to your regularily scheduled programming.

[Picaro]

@pace2race- the OP has stated he has no intention of wrecking his marriage, you've read this thread through your own lens.

@twa2w- if the women are getting more than the men, you can easily have 20 happy bonking women and 60 happy bonking men...your math-fu is weak

[Jer37208]

You know, there might be a soap opera flavor to some of this, but, besides sleep, one of the most neglected aspects of what is espoused as "Primal" is the social. Interpersonal relationships are damn complicated and when they go wrong can be painful and damaging on several levels. I honestly think that addressing issues like this is far more beneficial from a Primal perspective than how many eggs someone has for breakfast.

I get it, but I am gonna have to disagree. My experience is that when your health, diet and mindset are dialed in, everything falls into place. Including relationship drama; typical and atypical

[NZ primal Gwamma]

Lordy be Lord Pistacchio - that is one hell of a journal to wade through, and this old Gwamma was there for you man, then I wasn't , then I thought - oh I am so falling in love with this man - then I wasn't and then this comment....

............ end up drunk and screwing in the back yard?

If you truely loved this woman you would so not call the coupling, if it ever happens.... screwing in the backyard????? Wouldn't it be .... end up drunk and making sensuous love to this da-dee-da.....

Screwing really conjures up negetive thoughts in this old Gwammas mind
Just thinking on paper !!!! but if I ever heard my husband tell his mates that ...oh yeah last night we had a screw...... I would possibly emasculate him !!!!

[LordPistacchio]

Screwing really conjures up negetive thoughts in this old Gwammas mind
Just thinking on paper !!!! but if I ever heard my husband tell his mates that ...oh yeah last night we had a screw...... I would possibly emasculate him !!!!

Gwamma, I chose that word very deliberately for a couple of reasons. First of all, in my present state of mind, categorizing it that way is far less painful. Thinking of it as a beautiful, intense moment where we finally express our hidden, repressed...

I can't go there.

Secondly, under the circumstances described, screwing is exactly what it would be, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise.

Finally, I think we can all agree that my wife is a beautiful person deserving of the highest respect. But privately, when she asks me to f*ck her senseless on top of the clothes drier, that's what she gets. And that's what we both call it. Is it not supposed to be fun anymore?