PB Journal (freedom.please) page 5

[freedom.please]

Hi freedom

Great that you are working hard at this and have made such a great life choice. Dont worry about bumps in the road, they dont knock you off the path, they just test your suspension.
.....
Keep fighting the fight, and dont rule out this guy. Like you said, hes willing to try new things. That might mean a life changing new way of eating.

Richard

Richard, thanks for the encouragement and suggestions, some days cravings are extremely tough. bleh.. it is always good to hear some encouragement.

On the guy note:
he and I went to a basket ball game and out for appetizers with a couple of his friends. As we were standing waiting for a table they starting calling this group of people "douche bags" and I was standing there thinking to myself, those guys over there are the guys I am use to dating, I don't see them as douche bags just a different personality from yours.
This guy is a sweetheart -slightly nerdy-, and he told me he "would be fine with calling me is girl friend but obviously we are not to that point yet" (a little put off since I've now him like 3 weeks).... Where is the chase? Where is the uncertainty? Im too use to being independent and I am so easily feel suffocated. And then I think again, he's a nice guy, don't rule him out just because your use to dating the "assholes".
sometimes its just easier to be alone

on a health note:
I feel like I am making some great gains in muscle... not necessarily losing weight but really feeling stronger. My body is strange, I have a fairly thin waist but then you get to my gluts and legs and whoooa look out need too make extra space not to knock anything over with my butt, it bothers me, but will be better when I get by BF% down a little

[freedom.please]

Something went wrong this weekend and I gave in to my cravings, I think it was because I have not been getting a nearly enough sleep. I feel gross, amazing how one bad thing can lead to the next and all the sudden I can feel an extra layer of fat building up. My face is even swollen.
It is such a mental thing for me, I understand nutrition and exercise, learned about it from different perspectives and I have done personal research....but I am a mental mess, sugar addiction and anxiety.

I am drained, emotionally, physically, mentally - this just keeps happening and it is the one of the most ridiculous problems ever. It should be so simple and yet I am making it so so complicated.
I am tiered of feeling fat, I am afraid to go hang out with people sometimes because of it... being 10 pounds heavier than my normal weight makes a short girl look a lot different and I can not seem to mentally get myself to stop torturing myself with fatty sugary attacks.

Being worried about this has taken me away from being the person that I am... it has taken the fun out of life, my personality, my creativity

- time to go to the grocery store and once again load up for a week of primal eating hopefully if I keep enough real food around it will prevent me from walking to the gas station that is a block a way and buying ice cream, fudge, chips, chocolate candy bars, and those little powdered white donuts

bleh another week to try and change, or should I word it "this week I will change" even though I've said this for about the past 8 months...

[crunchyleaves]

Hello! I am new here but was reading your journal all stalker-like. Good lord, I know exactly how you feel. Going through the same exact things. A little momentum then it sort of falls apart. I have no advice, just wanted to say that hopefully we can both hang in there and keep that momentum going. Good luck and take care!!!

[freedom.please]

I got a surge of motivation yesterday and decided this needs to change.... I can have what I want from this life, and the only one stopping me is myself.

Goals:
1) Stay fully Primal for 2 weeks
2) lose 5 pounds in the next 5 weeks (will weigh in on Fridays and post)

Todays activity:
A.M - lifted for 30 min.
P.M - 25 min. Jog

Todays Meals:
B: yoghurt
L: salad with shaved turkey lunch meat
D. cooked broccoli & baked chicken breast
calorie intake ~ 1300/1400

Tonights anxieties:
I have to peer teach tomorrow hopefully I do not embarras myself
I am worried about seeing my family next week for thanksgiving as I am about 10 pounds heavier since they last saw me
Still talking to a guy who I am slowly losing interest in and I don't want to hurt his feelings blah

Happy thoughts:
I am on thanksgiving vacation in a week
In 5 weeks I will be on christmas vacation and this is the end of our semester
Visiting my Aunt on Friday

[Richardmac]

Good for you, renewed entusiasm is a wonderful thing. Go get it.

Richard

[freedom.please]

Today was decent, had a delicious pomegranate with my dinner, a treat really.

Workout:
a.m. 30 min lifting with some jogging to get the heart going
p.m. 1 1/2 hour walk

I consumed a little more today than I had wished, though it was still a healthy day, and I feel comfortable and satisfied.
I am finding that if I try to go below 100g of carbs a day I struggle with over eating, for some reason I can not feel satisfied going really low carb, a sweet potato seemed to fix this today though.

maybe not a dent in my weight loss, but at least it was a day of good nutrition and healthy movement, I should not complain too much.

[freedom.please]

Feeling a little down tonight, my weight is a lot higher than I would like. Over the summer I lost some weight and was at about 124. I have gained it all back, depending on how much water I am holding on to I'd say I am almost 130-131, I am not ok with this and it makes me very unhappy. I know it is more muscle than the previous time I weighed this much, but it bothers me...

Why do I care so much? I do not look terrible, though I do not look the way I would prefer. I feel ok, but sometimes it is a little more difficult to move than when I am at my lighter weight. I do not understand why I can not lose it, why can I not keep the little weight loss I achieve instead of losing it and then just slowly getting heavier than ever before.

Why does my weight upset me? Why does it occupy my mind? why do I feel like people judge me by the way I look, why do I wonder what my family thinks of me every time I see them and I am a little heavier.

I work so hard at eating good foods and getting good work outs, for what... to feel sad and fat...
I want to be looked at the way I use to, I want to be in my body again... so easy to blow it off and say no big deal, but really, it hurts, a lot
none of my friends or family understand that I am feeling this way, seems to make it even harder

[Richardmac]

It is ok to feel these things. For a start it shows you care and this is what should keep yougoing, not let you stop.

I would consider eating more.

Todays Meals:
B: yoghurt
L: salad with shaved turkey lunch meat
D. cooked broccoli & baked chicken breast
calorie intake ~ 1300/1400


You ate this the other day. Now it changes depending on height, weight etc etc, but I would have something like an omelette for breakie with fruit, goats cheese, some meat. + cup of lemon and honey.
Lunch is fine but add some olive oil over the salad (each spoon full is about 100 calories of good fat). Also consider swapping the salad for sweet potato, or having it with the salad.
Dinner id have more veggies.
Where are the snacks? You eed to fuel that metabolism in order for it to burn red hot and burn off calories. Have tupperware with nuts in it. Cook extra chicen etc, and have it cut up to nibble on with a nice dipping sauce of your choosing.

Dont focus on the scales much. I had a client come to me after working tofether for a while and tell me she had weighted herself that morning and she was 1.2 Kg's heavier. She wasnt happy. But she also told me she had just got into a suit that morning that she hadnt worn in years and we figured out that her BMI had also gone down, and her tennis/badminton was improving and she was getting great comments from others. What she had failed to remember was that she had dropped fat and put on muscle.

Her frown soon became a smile.

Richard

[freedom.please]

It is ok to feel these things. For a start it shows you care and this is what should keep yougoing, not let you stop.

I would consider eating more.
....

You ate this the other day. Now it changes depending on height, weight etc etc, but I would have something like an omelette for breakie with fruit, goats cheese, some meat. + cup of lemon and honey.
Lunch is fine but add some olive oil over the salad (each spoon full is about 100 calories of good fat). Also consider swapping the salad for sweet potato, or having it with the salad.
Dinner id have more veggies.
Where are the snacks? You eed to fuel that metabolism in order for it to burn red hot and burn off calories. Have tupperware with nuts in it. Cook extra chicen etc, and have it cut up to nibble on with a nice dipping sauce of your choosing.

.... What she had failed to remember was that she had dropped fat and put on muscle.

Her frown soon became a smile.

Richard

Thank you dearly, Richard, you have some wonderful suggestions. I agree I probably should eat a little more, my goal to lose weight causes me to think I should cut back (which in turn ends up making me eat more at other times). I seem to think if I eat less I will lose weight faster, I mean who wants to be patient and do it the right way . I love healthy foods so that is definitely not a problem. I just feel so all over the place some times.
-- I love the idea of cooking extra chicken for snacking, I do this some times.
-- What do you mean by a cup of lemon and honey? I really enjoy tea so maybe a cup of tea with some lemon and honey in it?
Richard, my mind feels a little more at peace, I am not sure what you do but your clients are very lucky...


Tonight I made my family a primal meal! I am really getting into coconut, we had coconut chicken in coconut oil, I made spaghetti squash and a nice sauce to go on all of it which I made with coconut milk ( also had butter, pecans, nutmeg, parsley, basil, parmesan cheese, white wine ect.) it was good... only needed a side of broccoli or something.

[freedom.please]

We are having some AMAZING weather in Iowa right now.
I am on Thanksgiving break this week (the joys of college) and yesterday I got to enjoy the nice weather by rollerblading with my sister over to the basket ball court and then shooting a few hoops ... not many were made. Great to be able to get out, soak up sun, get fresh air and movement. I had so much fun with my family last night. We made a nice dinner (pork chops, corn, steamed vegetables, pineapple) and before bed we found ourselves sitting around listening to music and doing a little dancing. I have an incredible family and life.

Yesterday Workout-
A.m. 20 min. fast pace body weight exercices
(push ups, burpees, planks, lunges, squats, dips)

This afternoon I will be going on a walk with a friend to enjoy the beautiful weather and nature
I'd also like to get a nice jog in at some point, oh oh or maybe a game of tennis!