Kellys Recovery Journey... Rediscovering Health, Balance, and Happiness.
Hi, Im Kelly and this is gonna be my public jounal!
I feel like Im pretty damn low on the totem pole health wise.... theres a lot of improvements to be made. Or in the words of AC/DC,"It's a long way to the top, if you wanna rock and roll!"
A picture of my current/past lifestyle:
*still struggling with bulimia... have been struggling with bulimia since 2008 or so, anorexia before that since 2004
*taking it further back, i used to struggle with cutting and I attempted suicide twice in 2010, so things have been a bit better since...im very motivated to live life to the fullest and make some positive changes!
*just turned 21 in June- since then have been having about 1-3 (occassionalllyyy 4, when i go out hard), drinks per day (I work service industry so everyone tends to go out for drinks after. atm that seems somewhat nessacary to have a social life.) Most nights though its 2 drinks.
*very infrequently smoke weed
*I take adderall for my adhd (more days than not)
*I drink rather copious amounts of coffee daily- lately ive been keeping it black. Usually average 2-4 cups
*Ive found myself taking 2-4 ibuprofen most days lately due to a pesky headache. sometimes it doesnt help. (possibly related to alcohol consumption???)
* currently weighing between 125-130lbs at 5'5".... definitely going in the wrong direction as I was at 121 back in June...lifes been a wee bit stressful since then- I moved and turned 21 in the same month... zoinks!
*somewhat related to the last bullet... even though my weight isnt high, old clothes that used to fit me at this weight are very tight.... higher body fat percentage?
*currently not in school, working a high stress service industry job- usually 40+ hours a week
*exercise is rare at the moment. occasional walks are the best i can say
*eating wise- when Im not binging and purging, I do make a concentrated effort to eat (thereby reducing the urge to b/p, hypothetically.) lately Ive been focusing on getting lots of healthy fats, proteins, and veggies in. I do have a supreme weakness for all things sweet and pastry/dessert-like.... one of my big challenges will be to find a new venue from the coffee shop where i regularly go to nom on scones and other bakery made indulgences as I read health books ... i know, i know *headdesk*
GOALS/LIFESTYLE CHANGES I WANT TO MAKE:
*first and foremost to finally conquer the eating disorder- at this point meaning to cease binging and purging and make HEALTHY food selections instead
*to lose weight (more of an end result than a lifestyle change goal)- ideally id like to sit between 110-115 as Im small boned and that looks the most natural
*lower body fat percentage
*workout out regularly- improve fitness abilities!
*get more sunshine and fresh air
*have more energy
*more motivation and excitement for life
*do more fun things
*be a better worker
*enjoy the little things
*find balance in my life
*be more funtional in regards to add
*go back to college
*reduce compulsive/impulsive behaviors
*improve relationships with family/peers
*improve relationship with self
Im sure theres more that Im not thinking of at the moment, but its okay, i have a journal and a whole future ahead of me to make it known!
Today was my first day sans wheat/carbs. That is one of my highest priorites at the moment as I experience a myriad of intestinal distress not to mention other weird symptoms. Its also the thing I crave like a freaking drug addict (cookies, cake, bread, muffins, scones, dessert!!!) and the thing I feel the least control over that also happens to be putting a massive overbearing damper on my life. So thats what Im most adamant about changin....no wheat/gluten/grains. period.
Tomorrow will be my first day with a new habits. I intend to walk for an hour upon rising, do some light cleaning, run my errands (prob most of the day), and then have a healthy meal. I badly need to convert to being a fat burner so I can stop craving like an animal. Ill bring some Primal snacks with me just in case the urge hits.
I suppose thats all for tonight, Ill update again tomorrow night
So here I am at the end of Day 1 Wheat Free, b/p free.
Although it wasnt the perfecttt day, I have every friggin reason to be proud of myself!!! the temptations and urges were just as real as any other day, yet I didnt give in! Even sat at my favorite coffee shop (where I usually get a seductive scone or muffin) and I didnt. GO MEEE!!!
So this is how my day looked.....
*woke up a little after 10AM (I was off today :P)
*drank black coffee (2 cups before 2pm)
*at around 2pm ate an egg salad for lunch- consisted of 2 hardboiled eggs, 1 tbsp of lemonaise, 1 tbsp dill relish, 1tbsp scallions, 1 tbsp minced carrots, 1 cup of salad greens
*6:30pm ate a cup of steamed broccoli with 1-2tbsp butter (i always tell myself its 1, but that rate at which my butter goes tells my im lying to myself!)
*7pm ate 2 tilapia filets cooked in pastured butter and topped with the mushroom sauce recipe that Mark recently posted
*ate 1/2 cups shortly after
*currently sipping 1 glass of cabernet
So all in all a pretty decent day if I do say so myself! I did measure for the most part (exception being the butter, but my estimates are close) and according to my calorie calculator, which im just using for a short time to see what I need to eat with this WOH to get in adequate calories (or not overdo it, considering weight loss is a goal atm.) anywayss, calculations came up to 1500 more or less. I was hoping for a bit less, but all and all thats not so bad. I imagine its gotta be close my basal metabolic rate. I did a lot of reading and studying today so i made my brain flex its muscles :P okay okay, kidding, im just excusing myself for the fact that i didnt exercise.
SO good points about today:
*no wheat, fruit, dairy (minus the buttaaa), sugar
*came in at a normal, healthy calorie level
*didnt kill anyone in a fit of sugar deprivation
Points that I would consider negative:
*didnt get any exercise in (and it was a BEAUTIFUL DAY!!!)
*kindaaa over did it on the butter
*cracked open the bottle of wine (but, heyy, its my last one at the moment!)
I already have my day planned out tomorrow... its gonna look something like this:
*6am wake up, walk for 1 hour
*7am lift weights (5 exercises, 3 sets of each)
*shower, prep for work
*breakfast before work: egg salad consisting of same as lunch today
*bringing 1/4 cup of almonds and sliced cucumber to work for a snack
*meeting someone at a coffee shop at 4 to talk about some ptsd issues she went with as well. plan on getting an americano
*after i may do a few errands
*dinner when I get home- same as today...2 tilapia, this time cooked in coconut oil as i used the rest of my butter supply lol, topped with mushroom sauce, and a big veggie salad with EVOO and balsamic and topped with sunflower seeds
*also probably will have 1 or 2 glasses of red wine as i'd hate to see the bottle go to waste (hey! at least Im honest
Overall feeling extrememly positive about making changes. Its been something Ive been inching towards ever so slowly. I feel like this is the real thing this time though. My goal is to make it AT LEAST 2 weeks sans wheat and other grains (this is the biggest goal atm) before I try anything. I want a pure and honest reaction.... I have a feeling wheat intolerance is something ive been unknowingly struggling with and has been a great contributor to depression, mood swings, anemia, skin conditions, and lets not forget about a nasty eating disorder. Im thinking at this point a month sans wheat would be more beneficial, that would at least give me a chance to become fat adapted (methinks...)
Other points to mention. Im trying not to weigh myself as often.... not setting a number of days at this point, but right now as much as Im curious, I dont want to get thrown off by any day to day fluctations or be triggered by a number. Id rather focus on the fact that my energy levels are more stable (btw, just ONE DAY without wheat, and my energy levels were more even-read no mood swings-also no headaches!!!- throughout the day as opposed to any other day in my life that revolves around getting my next sugary, wheaty fix---OUTSTANDING!!), my skin is looking clearer, Im not bloating as easily, things are working better in the digestion and elimination department, Im overall happier and can think more clearly, rather than a somewhat arbitrary number on the scale. And a part of me knows that as long as Im not binging on primal foods, there is a realllyy good chance, that my weights gonna go down without me even thinking, so i can think about better things!
So yes, back to other notes.... lets talk vitamins. Atm Im trying to remember to take melatonin, tryptophan, and omega 3 before I sleep. Also taking zinc and calcium citrate with Vitamin D-3 with a good meal. Idk if thats gonna help anything but I dont think it can hurt. And I DID check to make sure none of these vitamins contained gluten or wheat! I feel like if things go as Id hope (where I truly take to these lifestyle changes Im trying to implement), that I wont even need the vitamins by the time the bottle is gone--- i should be getting plenty of nutrition from my diet!
Other things.... Im aiming for a 30-60 minute walk each day. I always feel better when I walk, plus it forces me to get some sunshine and fresh air (lord knows my white ass needs sunshine!)
Im currently reading Phillip Maffetones Big Book of Health and Fitness. I will also be reading Big Book of Endurance and Training as soon as Im done with the one Im on now.
As far as alcohol is concerned, my goal is to stick to drier wines and distilled spirits NOT MADE FROM WHEAT OR GRAINS. So far to my knowledge that leaves me with Chopin vodka, made from potatos, and Titos vodka, made from corn. Obvioulsy Im gonna do some more research on my options as I WILL inevitably go out from time to time. Social life is a must, but im definately gonna be working on keeping it to a few drinks a week rather than an everyday occurence. As soon as I finish this bottle of wine... teehhee!
Also, Im currently saving to get a pair or Vibrams!! Im super excited, any input on which kind I should get?! I pretty much plan on wearing them as often as possible.
Okay, I know this post is getting long....who'm I kidding?! this is MY JOURNAL!!! lol
Any thoughts comments are welcome! I plan on sticking around for a while, so Id love to make some friends
lastly, a happy note....I found my long lost, favorite pair of yoga pants!! weeee
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