Jena's Journal... page 7

[Jena]

Hey... I just got them out of the oven and had one... Actually not bad! Crispy, olive oily, salty (I make everything salty)... all in all, not bad! Sometimes when you try something new, it goes okay. Tomorrow is really trying something new... I hope it goes well. I haven't had an interview in over 9 years! Well except my internship, but that was unpaid, so I didn't really care, lol. The wind is howling like crazy outside, it's chilly, and I'm curled up with a blanket watching TV... I really, really miss my cat right now. So bad that its all I can do not to cry, but I know I will be okay. It's so hard to say that because all I want to do right now is pitty myself, but I can't. I don't. I guess I will just feel sad until I don't feel sad anymore.

[Jena]

Today... a good day. Snacked on pot roast that had slow cooked all night. Added carrots and a few potatoes today and ate some of those too, yum! Had my second interview for a job that I really want too. I also hit an email from the office manager at my former internship that they are looking for someone! I really want the job I interviewed for today, but I am going to try for both and see what sticks! The. I babysat my favorite kid in world and enjoyed the rest of my day off. Still feel sad, but I am doing much better. And since I have to be up in like 6 hours I should go to bed. Excited for a fun Halloween tomorrow. The damn holiday nearly killed me 13 years ago, but its still my favorite... I guess it's the freak in me!

[Jena]

Well they called and offered me the job that I really wanted yesterday I accepted of course. I've been feeling much better than I was the last few days. Well, until this morning, at which point I woke up to a slight hangover. I am way too old to do this to myself... I used to just sleep it off and eat some McDonalds and feel fine. Now... I can't sleep in, I obviously don't eat McDonalds, and I just can't handle it. Maybe it's the lack of carbs, but I was sloshed by an amount if alcohol that I could've doubled a year ago. Now I just get dizzy and sleepy. Not to mention it brings back the cigarette cravings, blech. I am so glad I will be getting on some kind of regular schedule soon! Work then to the gym! I agreed to join the gym in my drunkenness last night, lol. The one positive thing that came about. I'm glad though. I need to start moving more for sure! Last night my arm was so sore just from playing wii baseball that I could barely uncork my wine. Yes... that sentence says a lot about my life, I know.

[Jena]

Glad to have finally had a decent nights sleep. It's one of the parts of primal I am terrible about sticking with. I was so tired yesterday I felt like I was losing my mind. I was able to sleep in today and catch up a little lack of sleep does strange things to me. Mostly it makes it even harder for me to fall asleep, that and it makes me an emotional wreck. Which I am lately anyway. But today, I am done with that. I am so tired of being upset all of the time. I feel bad for being mopey and depressed towards my family and friends these last couple of months. Bad things happen in life. I have the choice to dwell in it or to accept that it happened and move on. I'm choosing to move on and I am hopeful that any friends that have had the nasty job of being my sounding board lately will forgive me. Today is a big day! Orientation for my new job!! I'm very excited, nervous, hopeful and a million other emotions about starting something new after working at the same place for 9 years. But today is just orientation and its not even at the place of my employment so today I can handle it

On my Facebook I have started 30 days of thanksgiving so I might as well do it here too. Yesterday, day 1, was that I am grateful for my parents. They are the most supportive people on earth. I am the only child and they have had many, many, many disappointments to do with me. But no matter how much I fucked up they never lost faith in me or my abilities. I love them.

Today, day 2: My alone time. It has made me stronger and a better person. I am alone a lot and I do get lonely, but I also am more appreciative of spending time with other people. I have lived alone for the last 8 years (minus two where i lived with my ex and its something I am grateful for having the chance to do. Of course I hope I will meet someone someday and be able to share my life with them, but I am glad that I can be alone. Some people really can't.

[Jena]

I had one of those great primal days today. Eating good food, feeling energetic and happy. I was at work and was really noticing how big my old work clothes are getting too! Lets just say thank goodness for my belt or things could've gotten very PG-13, lol. Then I got home and decided to weight myself, which I haven't done in a couple of weeks. As of today I have lost 34 pounds! I almost couldn't believe the scale!! I'm going to go ahead and make today's "I'm grateful for" thing Primal Blueprint... since begining this lifestyle I have lost 34 freakin pounds, got of my anxiety medication, quit smoking, and now... even got a new job! Sure the job may not be directly related to primal, but I don't know if I would have had the confidence to go for it had I not made all of these other changes. Sure life seems like it sucks some days, and I have had a few of those lately, but I can't help but feel like a whiny little baby complaining about it. So I am really going to try to focus on the good from now on

[Annieh]

Hey jena what a great day, thanks for sharing.

[Jena]

I like to share the good stuff today I am grateful for home. I had a family party last night and, well there were some cocktails involved, and I stayed the night. My point being that there is no better feeling than coming home after being gone for a night. My couch, my sweatpants, my TV, with my football on it I am missing my kitty very much today, but I am also very grateful and very happy that I have a place to call home.

[Jena]

Today I'm grateful for my friends. New and old, near and far, online and in person. My life would have no joy without them.

[Jena]

Mmm... I tried the omelette muffins recipe I found on here, yum! Having a lot of the stress at the moment and haven't been able to eat much, but those were great! Still waiting on the start date of my new job! I don't think they changed their minds about me, but I would've thought I'd know by now. I went in and filled out my tax papers, took my drug test, now just waiting. I am being pretty impatient, but I can't seem to be able to help it. My whole body is tense...

[Jena]

Well for dinner I made some delicious spaghetti sauce... sans noodles of course! I also made some asparagus then realized I am out of butter. I don't like it without butter and salt. I'll won't be eating here at all tomorrow, so I hope it's still good on Thursday. And I hope I remember to get butter. I have so much on my mind lately that I keep forgetting toothpaste! Lol, I squeezed out the last tiny but this morning. I was about to go to the store, but decided to completely clean out the bathroom cubbard instead, and luckily found a tube! Yes! Trip to the store averted for another day! I forgot to do my I am grateful for thing today. The one I put on Facebook was a joke... sort of. I am grateful for my sick twisted teenage boy mind. I can't hear the words unit, duty, or nut without doing a Bevis-like laugh and I love that about myself. Lol... it's kind of a lane thing to be thankful for, but I am. Oh... I found out 100 % for sure that I have the new job!! There is some debate on what my start date will be, I am demanding two weeks time to wrap things up with my current employer, they are happy to give it to me... the temp agency I am going through is trying to get me to start in less than a week. Not happening, I just can't do that to my boss. Luckily I know someone at the company and they are helping me work it out.