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  1. #161
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    Quote Originally Posted by badgergirl View Post
    FWIW, which might not be much, my opinion is: pant-melting passion is important at the beginning, not least because the warmth of the memory of it will get you through some tough patches later on, but it doesn't/can't last and it would be a mistake to think it can. There's more to love than lust...but lust is an important starter motor.
    That... is worth a lot! And I completely agree. I wouldn't even want that to last. It's too intense to be long term. I want the real thing, and am willing to put in the work, just have to find the "one"... or at least the "next one"

  2. #162
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    Quote Originally Posted by MsSmith View Post
    I didn't think you were referring to me for a second.
    Okay good Because I like what you have to say and appreciate your advice and encouragement. It means a lot to me.

  3. #163
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    I have yet another jam-packed weekend, followed by a month of chaos. I guess I have to detach myself for a bit, if only to survive. If all goes as well as possible, things will be very different at the end of the next couple months. Send me positive energy please.

  4. #164
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    Hey Jena,

    Hugs to you I've reading intermittently and taking this opporuntity to delurk...

    Quote Originally Posted by Jena View Post
    Do you guys believe "If you can't be with be one you love, love the one you're with"?


    Mostly because I love this song!! Strangely I always regarded it as a positive song, even though he seems to be talking about settling for second best. But maybe it's actually telling us to take a proper look at the people that we "love". Do ew actually love them? Do we really know them? Or, are these people helping us fulfil the prophecies we tell about ourselves? That "the person I like never likes me back" or "no one will ever love me for who I am"?

    Saying that, I really believe that when you're ready to meet the right person, you do. I dont think talking yourself into fancying someone can ever work... because love is not a decision.

    Did you ever hear the expression "Someday someone will come along, and make you realise why it never worked out with anyone else"? I think that's a more accurate summation of love.

    I had been single for 3.5 years... dating miserably unsuitable men, but I kept forcing myself to go on dates wth them; thinking I should "give them a chance". When I met my bf last May there was none of that. It was an instant attraction, and when we went on our first date, I realised what had been missing with every other guy I'd been with. (Not saying that he's the love or my life - it's very early days. But he's the first person I've been with (ever) who I feel is my equal... and he came along when I was ready to meet him. Any sooner and I wouldn't have been able to cope, because to be with your equal requires breaking patterns and facing deep demons.

    It sounds to me like you want to meet your equal - and that's rare. Most people shoot above or below the hip; depending on what they believe they deserve. Have faith in yourself, and trust. Often the answers find us, not the other way around. All they require is our consent.

    <3
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  5. #165
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Hey Jena,

    Hugs to you I've reading intermittently and taking this opporuntity to delurk...





    Mostly because I love this song!! Strangely I always regarded it as a positive song, even though he seems to be talking about settling for second best. But maybe it's actually telling us to take a proper look at the people that we "love". Do ew actually love them? Do we really know them? Or, are these people helping us fulfil the prophecies we tell about ourselves? That "the person I like never likes me back" or "no one will ever love me for who I am"?

    Saying that, I really believe that when you're ready to meet the right person, you do. I dont think talking yourself into fancying someone can ever work... because love is not a decision.

    Did you ever hear the expression "Someday someone will come along, and make you realise why it never worked out with anyone else"? I think that's a more accurate summation of love.

    I had been single for 3.5 years... dating miserably unsuitable men, but I kept forcing myself to go on dates wth them; thinking I should "give them a chance". When I met my bf last May there was none of that. It was an instant attraction, and when we went on our first date, I realised what had been missing with every other guy I'd been with. (Not saying that he's the love or my life - it's very early days. But he's the first person I've been with (ever) who I feel is my equal... and he came along when I was ready to meet him. Any sooner and I wouldn't have been able to cope, because to be with your equal requires breaking patterns and facing deep demons.

    It sounds to me like you want to meet your equal - and that's rare. Most people shoot above or below the hip; depending on what they believe they deserve. Have faith in yourself, and trust. Often the answers find us, not the other way around. All they require is our consent.

    <3
    Wow. Thanks Bare, I just finished texting with a male friend and came on here hoping maybe someone had responded to that very question. You picked a good time to delurk I actually met someone online recently, he lives quite far away, not on the other side of the world or anything, but far, and has a girlfriend. We kept talking anyway, nothing dirty, but we did develop feelings for each other. I felt/feel so strongly about him. I think he felt the same way, at least for a second, but he is content with the life he has, relationship-wise at least, and I don't blame him. I am crazy and impulsive sometimes. I probably would've moved a thousand miles away to be with him had he asked. I guess that's lust, not physically because we haven't even seen each other less a couple of photos. Its something that's not going to happen and I have to let it go. Maybe I wanted it so badly because it was safe to want since it wasn't realistic, since I knew he was a very logical person that would never do something so crazy no matter how strongly he felt, if he even did.

    The other guy, the one that I actually know, that lives here in town. He is super sweet. I did have very strong feelings for him at one time, but I happened to meet him just as I was coming out of a relationship, like literally the day I broke up with my boyfriend. And that breakup hurt, I'm mostly over it, but it still hurts a tiny bit. Anyway we tried dating and hanging out, but I would be wishy-washy with him and be all about him one minute, then want to be just friends the next. He was so freaked out that we did not see each other again. We would occasionally text, but even that stopped after the last time I went nutso on him. Then I met this guy online, a while later. He really forced me to look at myself and deal with some of these issues that have been plaguing me. That, along with increased exercise, back to strict primal eating, and some soul searching have gotten me back on track. I am still sad and definitely have issues, but I am in such a better place than I was. Anyway, I couldn't handle talking to him (online guy) because of how I felt about him. And he won't talk to me anyway, which is for the best. But the guy that lives here texted me out of the blue the other day and we have been casually texting since then. He runs a kitchen at a local bar, so we were just texting after he got home from work. He told me that he really liked me a lot before, but that I scared the hell out of him. I was always picking fights, being suspicious, going back and forth about how I felt about him and as much as he wanted to keep talking to me, he just couldn't do it. He knew I needed to work some things out and somehow, I have NO clue how, but somehow he knew exactly when I had reached a place where I was able to be a normal person. He is being very sweet and understanding about the way I acted before. He said that he hopes things will go better this time, and that even if we just end up as friends he is looking forward to getting to know me better and spending time with me. It seems promising. Which scares me.

    Obviously internet guy isn't for me. He was a friend that I felt more for than what he reciprocated. It happens. Hopefully I will be able to be friends with him again someday, but not now. I think I am going to do what I can to try with this other guy. I do have feelings for him. He is kind, and respectful, and he has seen the worst of me and still wanted to speak to me. And I never even slept with him, lol... he must actually like me for me.

    Had he contacted me any sooner, even a day or two, the timing wouldn't have been right. I had to, as you said, face my demons and break my old patterns. I do want to be with an equal. I definitely shot below the hip in the past. Especially the sociopath that I lived with for three years. I realize now how much that relationship damaged me. Internet guy, well he is probably "better" than me, not better I guess, but different from me. We are quite alike, but complete opposites at the same time. This guy that I have recently been speaking with, well he is very much like me. I don't know if that will be a good thing or a bad thing. I think he is slightly less impulsive than I am, thank god, but we are both people that follow our instincts and do what "feels" right, rather than logically plan everything out.

    As you can see by my reply I am not an organized person. My subjects jump back and forth, I am all over the place. I can be logical, at work, I am efficient, dependable, organized, controlled etc... In my personal life, especially in matters of the heart, lol... well you see.... "blah" it just all falls out of me and lands on the page as it will.

    I love that song too. I just listened to it again and I must say I have a different view on it. Sometimes you can't be with someone you love, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't love again. That's kind of the take I have on it now. I used to think it meant settling, I don't now. Thank you. Its amazing how differently things can look by changing your state of mind. I don't know exactly why, but you have made me feel so much better.

    You're so right. Falling in love is not a decision, staying in love, well that's another story. I guess I just take the next step, stop engaging my thoughts about internet guy and try something with this other guy. If it works out, great, if not, oh well. Things will happen as they are supposed to. I will find my way.

    I am so happy that you found love. I really hope it works out for you. You keep me posted. Some people have no idea how exhausting dating and being a single woman can be. Thank you again so much for your response. It was very helpful and heartwarming.

  6. #166
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    Yeah... and then I open my Pandora and the first song that plays... "Across the Universe" followed by "Wish you were Here"... internet guy would find this hilariously ironic. Go figure... at least this made me smile, not cry. All I can do is laugh at life's little signs and pranks these days. Something is happening. Things are lining up... for what? I guess I will find out soon enough. Then on to the next mystery, on to the next lesson, on to the next adventure ♥

  7. #167
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    I actually think that when songs come around they are messages from our subconscious, not the Universe

    Quote Originally Posted by Jena View Post
    I love that song too. I just listened to it again and I must say I have a different view on it. Sometimes you can't be with someone you love, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't love again. That's kind of the take I have on it now. I used to think it meant settling, I don't now. Thank you. Its amazing how differently things can look by changing your state of mind. I don't know exactly why, but you have made me feel so much better.

    You're so right. Falling in love is not a decision, staying in love, well that's another story. I guess I just take the next step, stop engaging my thoughts about internet guy and try something with this other guy. If it works out, great, if not, oh well. Things will happen as they are supposed to. I will find my way.

    I am so happy that you found love. I really hope it works out for you. You keep me posted. Some people have no idea how exhausting dating and being a single woman can be. Thank you again so much for your response. It was very helpful and heartwarming.
    You're welcome! I can relate to what you're going through... I really can.

    I understand what you're saying about the song - just in my interpretation I question whether I really loved that person, or whether I was infatuated with the idea of them. You know what I mean? There was a guy that I thought was my soul mate (loooong story) and I used to think of him when I heard this song. But last year I met him again after a long time and saw the situation for what it was. I understood that I had projected a lot of my fears and desires onto him, and how unsuitable he really was for me. Once I let him go (after three years of unrequited love) I met my bf.

    My point is that I think real love is requited. Because otherwise, how can you know that you really know the person? So I dont agree with teh song, but I agree with the subtext I've projected on to it

    It is possible that you're allowing yourself to fall for this guy precisely because he's unavailable? I think this was the case with the former-soul mate I referred to. He lived in a different country and he couldnt do the distance. But I think loving him allowed me to love without really progressing within myself. I see that now. With my current bf, I've had to overcome things that I've always run from with previous partners (I would break up with them before I had to go there).

    And yes, I feel you on how exhausting - and traumatic - being a single woman is. I was actualy going to start a thread about it, because I'm flummaxed at how differently people treat you when they hear you're in a relationship.

    <3
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  8. #168
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jena View Post
    Its amazing how differently things can look by changing your state of mind.
    Paleo Diet: 8-25-13 Wt: 185 BF% 27
    Primal Diet (Lower Fat/Carb): 9-27, Wt: 176.4
    Potato Hack Diet (Rotation): 11-12, Wt: 171.2
    Primal Diet (LF/C): 1-23-14, Wt: 159.6
    CW: 158 GW: 130 CBF%: 24.38
    48 - 5'7.5"

    "What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet." ~ A.F.

    "Exercising should be about rewarding the body with endorphins and strength, not about punishing your body for what you've eaten." ~ Unknown

  9. #169
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    I actually think that when songs come around they are messages from our subconscious, not the Universe



    You're welcome! I can relate to what you're going through... I really can.

    I understand what you're saying about the song - just in my interpretation I question whether I really loved that person, or whether I was infatuated with the idea of them. You know what I mean? There was a guy that I thought was my soul mate (loooong story) and I used to think of him when I heard this song. But last year I met him again after a long time and saw the situation for what it was. I understood that I had projected a lot of my fears and desires onto him, and how unsuitable he really was for me. Once I let him go (after three years of unrequited love) I met my bf.

    My point is that I think real love is requited. Because otherwise, how can you know that you really know the person? So I dont agree with teh song, but I agree with the subtext I've projected on to it

    It is possible that you're allowing yourself to fall for this guy precisely because he's unavailable? I think this was the case with the former-soul mate I referred to. He lived in a different country and he couldnt do the distance. But I think loving him allowed me to love without really progressing within myself. I see that now. With my current bf, I've had to overcome things that I've always run from with previous partners (I would break up with them before I had to go there).

    And yes, I feel you on how exhausting - and traumatic - being a single woman is. I was actualy going to start a thread about it, because I'm flummaxed at how differently people treat you when they hear you're in a relationship.

    <3
    Yep... I think that it is quite possible that I fell for internet guy because, well partly, he is unavailable. On the other hand there is a strong bond there. I am too close to it right now to see things clearly probably. My former "soul mate" the jerk I lived with for 3 years. Yeah... wow. After I got some distance from that I see everything for what it really was. That was not love. He didn't even have the capacity to love, just the ability to fake it.

    I do still believe I love internet guy, but I think that I can move on. More than anything I like him. I like his point of view on things, I like that he tells me how things really are, I like his advice, and I love that we can sense what the other is going to say before it is said. I liked having him in my life, but I can't handle it right now because of the feelings. I emailed him last night, that will be the last time I do so. Omg... I have to get some sleep... I woke up at like 4 am, lol. A couple hours, then time to start my day!

    Yeah... and don't you just despise that pity response when you say you are single, lol. Thanks Bare... you're a cool chick.

    Oh, the song. I do see it differently now because I am projecting what my current situation is onto the lyrics, definitely. Which is the correct view? I don't know. I don't think it matters. And the two songs I heard on Pandora were just so random. Normally I would agree with you, but they weren't even songs that really fit the station, or at least not the station I think I was playing and they are literally the only two songs internet guy and I have discussed in any depth. Its just kind of funny, that and I haven't used my Pandora in months.

    I believe in signs from the universe, but that's just me. I also believe people see what they want to see. I just try to remind myself to be clear of the difference. Aaaaaand... to read those signs clearly

  10. #170
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    Quote Originally Posted by MsSmith View Post
    Yep... got that one from you

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