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  1. #161
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jena View Post
    Hi, thanks for the feedback. I have been weaning myself off of the Zoloft. It's not helping anything. I don't really feel apathetic while I am on it, but I doubt a person who is apathetic would notice. I feel somewhat overly emotional coming off of it, it will pass. I'm am trying to be kind to myself, but critical as well
    Thanks. I hope you feel better soon!
    Paleo Diet: 8-25-13 Wt: 185 BF% 27
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    Potato Hack Diet (Rotation): 11-12, Wt: 171.2
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    48 - 5'7.5"

    "What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet." ~ A.F.

    "Exercising should be about rewarding the body with endorphins and strength, not about punishing your body for what you've eaten." ~ Unknown

  2. #162
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    Quote Originally Posted by MsSmith View Post
    Thanks. I hope you feel better soon!
    Thank you. I will
    Cha-cha-cha changes.... turn and face the strange...

    My journal - http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread66276.html

  3. #163
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  4. #164
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    Such a strange day. I went from hopeful, to physically ill, to reflective, and back to sad. Not much I've done today but surf the net and watch TV. I just heard a quote that pierced through me.

    "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

    I've accumulated a lot of physical scar tissue in my life, and a lot emotional scar tissue in the last few years. Maybe it can't be healed. Maybe this is my mistake. Maybe I just have to accept it. Allow myself to feel it and make the best of the wounds that I have been able to heal. Tonight it's quiet, but my mind is screaming. Screaming for those I miss, for the mistakes I've made, for the wrongs I've committed. If I were ever going to pray for something it would be for peace of mind. I shouldn't wish back those that have passed or those I have pushed out of my life, or wonder what could've been, but I can hope and pray for some peace of mind.

    I miss having guidance from someone that cared. I miss something I never had. Something I'll never have. Maybe it will all scar over soon and the pain will lessen.
    Cha-cha-cha changes.... turn and face the strange...

    My journal - http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread66276.html

  5. #165
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    I hate waking up at 5 am with the same shit stuck in my head that was there when I went to bed. I wonder sometimes if I should start a list. Every question I ever wanted to know the answer to, and I don't mean a "google" answer. The types of questions about the world that can't necessarily be answered. I have a feeling this would just bring up more questions, not that that's a bad thing I guess. Questions about the universe, coincidence, destiny, love, God, the mind, the body, human nature, etc...

    It's not always that I seek answers, sometimes I do. I like the discussion, the pondering, the bouncing ideas off of someone. Then it gets to be too much and you just have to laugh. It's hard to find someone with the same timing and balance to have "real" conversations with.

    As I am writing this the "news" is coming on. I can't take it anymore. The lies, the people that are full of shit. I have to try to get some more sleep.
    Cha-cha-cha changes.... turn and face the strange...

    My journal - http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread66276.html

  6. #166
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    I am officially the most awkward flirter ever. Funny story to come later. In a related story I give up on dating, ever.
    Cha-cha-cha changes.... turn and face the strange...

    My journal - http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread66276.html

  7. #167
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    I find that I am so much more comfortable hanging out with a friend than being on a date with them. So silly, but true.
    Paleo Diet: 8-25-13 Wt: 185 BF% 27
    Primal Diet (Lower Fat/Carb): 9-27, Wt: 176.4
    Potato Hack Diet (Rotation): 11-12, Wt: 171.2
    Primal Diet (LF/C): 1-23-14, Wt: 159.6
    CW: 158 GW: 130 CBF%: 24.38
    48 - 5'7.5"

    "What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet." ~ A.F.

    "Exercising should be about rewarding the body with endorphins and strength, not about punishing your body for what you've eaten." ~ Unknown

  8. #168
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    Omg... I attempted to talk to a cute electrician that was doing work in our building today, bahahahaha, it was awful. I'll explain in detail how incredibly awkward I was. I hope I don't run into him again, lol!
    Cha-cha-cha changes.... turn and face the strange...

    My journal - http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread66276.html

  9. #169
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    He is probably thinking, "WOW! What an awesome young lady!"

    It's possible. Think positive!

    (see how easy that is - to chose one thought over another? when you can, chose the thought that makes you feel best.)
    Last edited by MsSmith; 11-07-2013 at 10:42 AM.
    Paleo Diet: 8-25-13 Wt: 185 BF% 27
    Primal Diet (Lower Fat/Carb): 9-27, Wt: 176.4
    Potato Hack Diet (Rotation): 11-12, Wt: 171.2
    Primal Diet (LF/C): 1-23-14, Wt: 159.6
    CW: 158 GW: 130 CBF%: 24.38
    48 - 5'7.5"

    "What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet." ~ A.F.

    "Exercising should be about rewarding the body with endorphins and strength, not about punishing your body for what you've eaten." ~ Unknown

  10. #170
    Jena's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MsSmith View Post
    He is probably thinking, "WOW! What an awesome young lady!"

    It's possible. Think positive!

    (see how easy that is - to chose one thought over another? when you can, chose the thought that makes you feel best.)

    Ha! Well I certainly doubt he was thinking "young lady" because he was about 10 years younger than me. So, yesterday he was there also and I went down and was surprised by him. He was up on a ladder replacing the lighting. Its always a surprise when you see outsiders in the building since its so rare, but he heard me come through the door and turned around kind of half-way, then all the way and smiled. I smiled, probably the nicest smile I have smiled in a while, back at him. This happened again later in the day and I kind of wanted to say something to him, but I didn't. Then today they, he and one other electrician, were back doing more work. I told myself, "okay, at least work up the nerve to say hi." In the meantime I made the mistake of telling my coworkers about this guy. Tall, lean, but muscular, red hair (a nice red no all bright or crazy, I kind of like redheads), the sweetest smile. So of course those big mouths (meaning well) said something to him, at this point I just felt silly, like a high school girl. Whatever, so I go down there to get some coffee after this with my co-worker and on the way down I tell her, "what the hell, I don't care, I'm just going to talk to him" but the break room was packed with co-workers and is was awkwardly quiet so I hold off. I start to make a pot of coffee and I am fumbling around like an idiot, feeling very nervous and self conscious. I am doing everything wrong, finally my coworker takes over for me and leaves it to brew and says that she is going to the bathroom, she'll be right back. Then I get impatient and pull the pot away to fill our cups up directly as it brews. I do hers, then I go to do mine and I accidentally put my hand right under the scalding coffee that's coming out, I drop my cup, yell, "shit", everyone looks and then I just start running it under cold water while my coworker, who has just come back from the bathroom, cleans up the mess I've made. At this point he knows I am the one that was talking about him, apparently they told him what I was wearing. I figure I can't screw it up anymore, so what the heck. I notice he is wearing a t-shirt from the same high school I graduated from. I thought this would be a good ice breaker. I intended to walk over and say "hey, I went there too, what year did you graduate? Oh I'm Jena by the way" very cool and calm, nice intro, okay here I go... I walk up to him, forget to break the ice by explaining that I noticed his shirt, that I went to the same school, my name... I didn't even say hi... I just walk up and blurt out, somewhat loudly, "WHAT YEAR DID YOU GRADUATE?!" He looked all surprised (don't blame him) he just said, kind of scared I think, "2008", I just smiled awkwardly and said "oh okay" and walked away like a bumbling idiot. My friend and coworker is just standing there jaw dropped staring at the train wreck that is me, lol. The funny thing is that it totally made my day in way. We cracked up about it all afternoon. I had one of my bosses laughing so hard he was practically crying. And it reminded me... that is what I'm good at. Making people laugh, being endearing by being my semi-retarded self. I can't be sexy if I am trying. I can't pull off the flirty chick thing, because its not me. I am clumsy and weird and fumble over words and... well basically act like I did today. Its the guys that I laugh with about these types of things are the ones that end up finding me sexy, I guess because then I am being the real me, laughing at myself, being happy, and knowing that it doesn't matter... there will be others. I am exactly where I am supposed to be, even if its not where I want to be. I just have to keep living the awkward adventure that is my life and laugh, and make the best of it. Things will fall into place hopefully. All I can control is me. I'm still sad, still upset about the things that have been on my mind, but I can still laugh, I can still function. Its just pain, it sucks, and its uncomfortable, but its temporary (I hope) and if not, then I will learn to live with it. I'm so exhausted... long day... hoping to sleep good tonight. Hope someone enjoyed and laughed at my story!! That's my favorite thing to do, make people laugh
    Cha-cha-cha changes.... turn and face the strange...

    My journal - http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread66276.html

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