Since the age of 15 I have been gauging my self-worth on my appearance; my weight, specifically. Where it all comes from I don't know. What I do know is that, at age 47, I'd like to make some permanent changes. I've come a long way since my teen years, but that love/hate relationship with food still exists. I was an eating disorder child of the 1980s (anorexia, then bulimia for 20 years), and replaced bulimia with chronic cardio and fasting about 10 years ago to deal with the binges. Not much healthier of a way to live, that's for sure. It has led to choices of isolation from friends and from my spouse as I hide to continue my love affair with sugar. On the outside, everyone believes I am this confident, strong, athletic, intelligent person. Oh, am I an actress or what???
Not sure anyone is going to read this, and honestly that is not my goal. "
I'm reading this and understand to some degree. I've never had a defined eating disorder but my view of food is not orderly. I was a fat child who was bullied ALL through grade school. It was horrible and the invisible scars are still there. So I understand gauging oneself on appearance.
This line "On the outside, everyone believes I am this confident, strong, athletic, intelligent person" fits me to a T. So..you're FAR from alone. Just wanted to say that. Thanks for dropping by my journal.
Muscle weighs more than fat and scales are evil.