Primal Journal of a lifelong seeker... phaselow page 6

[DreamHealth]

Hey there!
Well I'm catching up. After being out of town last week I've fallen pretty behind on everything there is to do and didn't want to get lost in MDA-land which I can easily do for hours!

Looks like you're having some challenges...I totally hear you on the half-assing...WIth those of us who struggle with binge eating and sugar, it doesn't work. Been there, done it too many times to realize that as much as I detest all or none thinking, I have to go all in in order to gain the effects I really want: high energy, no cravings, satiety, the ability to turn down bread.

So I've been doing this since Monday, and I am doing it perfectly. I've logged over 30000 steps so far. I've done two strength training workouts. Tomorrow will be another strength. My diet has been around 70% fat, 20% protein, 10% carbs-from vegetables only. Dairy very limited. I find that if I have a decent dinner with plenty of fat, fasting for 16 hours until the next day, and doing my workouts in the fasted state is really pretty easy.

I am having some low carb flu symptoms. But already my sleep is improved. I did find myself totally exhausted yesterday-the kind of exhaustion where my brain is giving the signal for my legs to move but they just won't. I know that will pass.

Have I had thoughts of gorging myself on cookies? Meh..for a second or two and then I've forgotten it. IT's more like I feel overwhelmed at the thought of not doing that ever again and wonder if I am gonna be able to swing this. Then I remember-I can do it TODAY. That's all I have to worry about. Today. THe longer I do this, the better I will get at it, and the less tempted I will be to ever go back to my old ways. Wish my luck, pray for me, throw a coin in a fountain for me...whatever it is you do, I'll take it!

So for you...We can do this. You can do it! Search your heart. When we really want something, we realize that any of the obstacles we claim are there, getting in our way, are just excuses. Ouch. It hurts. But it's true. I hate realizing that myself. Everything we do in life is really about avoiding pain, or gaining pleasure. I'd rather go through some of the pain now, so I can have more pleasure later. When I was binging, I was exchanging such temporary pleasure for excruciating pain later. Not worth it. No more.

I'm sorry to hear about your MIL. That would be really tough, but at the same time, I'm glad for her that she gets to rest at home. With people who care about here there. I guess that's what we all would want, isn't it?

I'll keep you in my prayers and positive thoughts too.

Oh-haven't gotten those grass-fed farm products yet! Making do with the grass-fed/organic I'm finding in my grocery stores for now. Not ideal, but better than pink slime.

Ciao!

[PHaselow]

Hey there!
Well I'm catching up. After being out of town last week I've fallen pretty behind on everything there is to do and didn't want to get lost in MDA-land which I can easily do for hours!

Looks like you're having some challenges...I totally hear you on the half-assing...WIth those of us who struggle with binge eating and sugar, it doesn't work. Been there, done it too many times to realize that as much as I detest all or none thinking, I have to go all in in order to gain the effects I really want: high energy, no cravings, satiety, the ability to turn down bread.

So I've been doing this since Monday, and I am doing it perfectly. I've logged over 30000 steps so far. I've done two strength training workouts. Tomorrow will be another strength. My diet has been around 70% fat, 20% protein, 10% carbs-from vegetables only. Dairy very limited. I find that if I have a decent dinner with plenty of fat, fasting for 16 hours until the next day, and doing my workouts in the fasted state is really pretty easy.

I am having some low carb flu symptoms. But already my sleep is improved. I did find myself totally exhausted yesterday-the kind of exhaustion where my brain is giving the signal for my legs to move but they just won't. I know that will pass.

Have I had thoughts of gorging myself on cookies? Meh..for a second or two and then I've forgotten it. IT's more like I feel overwhelmed at the thought of not doing that ever again and wonder if I am gonna be able to swing this. Then I remember-I can do it TODAY. That's all I have to worry about. Today. THe longer I do this, the better I will get at it, and the less tempted I will be to ever go back to my old ways. Wish my luck, pray for me, throw a coin in a fountain for me...whatever it is you do, I'll take it!

So for you...We can do this. You can do it! Search your heart. When we really want something, we realize that any of the obstacles we claim are there, getting in our way, are just excuses. Ouch. It hurts. But it's true. I hate realizing that myself. Everything we do in life is really about avoiding pain, or gaining pleasure. I'd rather go through some of the pain now, so I can have more pleasure later. When I was binging, I was exchanging such temporary pleasure for excruciating pain later. Not worth it. No more.

I'm sorry to hear about your MIL. That would be really tough, but at the same time, I'm glad for her that she gets to rest at home. With people who care about here there. I guess that's what we all would want, isn't it?

I'll keep you in my prayers and positive thoughts too.

Oh-haven't gotten those grass-fed farm products yet! Making do with the grass-fed/organic I'm finding in my grocery stores for now. Not ideal, but better than pink slime.

Ciao!

I am proud of you for your awesome start! It feels so good to feel good.

[PHaselow]

Friday:

Fasted from 7PM-11:30AM except for the standard decaf with ghee/cream

Spent the morning with MIL. Resisted being offered baked goods and other non-primal food every 5 minutes by FIL. He just doesn't know what to do with himself. Poor guy.

Lunch:

12oz lamb leg steak. So good! Marinated in oil/soy/honey/rosemary
1/3 bar raw 75% chocolate bar

Just had to have some feel good food.

Snack:

about 1/2 c curry chicken salad and smoked salmon spread

I find I have no interest in bread or crackers. It has been that way for a while now. No need for a cracker for the salmon spread or bread for the chicken salad. The thought almost makes me nauseous.

Dinner:

rest of squash; maybe 1 cup
few macadamia nuts
couple bites of roasted chicken

Just not hungry. Not going to eat just for the sake of eating.

Snack:

1T marrow from my beef stock bones. Saving the rest for another day. The broth looks great. Breakfast! Can't wait for the looks from my husband, brother-in-law and sister-in-law; all MDs.

[PHaselow]

Dreary, rainy Saturday.

After giving advice to another member about whether or not to eat a special non-primal meal prepared by a loved one, I decided to take part in having breakfast at my MIL's house. Someone had made grandma's chocolate chip fig coffee cake. I ate it.

Sadly, my carb cravings are here full force! I am now home alone to battle them as I prep the closets for shelving systems scheduled for Monday.

Breakfast:

decaf with ghee/heavy whipping cream
3"x3" square of cake mentioned above


Lunch:

1c curried chicken salad (chicken, mayo, curry powder, onion, celery, raisins, cashews)
2 spoonfuls smoked salmon
Probably 2T coconut oil chocolate 'frosting' that i made my son. He decided he'd rather just have the CO mixed into a bit of hot chocolate, so I didn't want the frosting to go to waste. I guess I got 1T coconut oil which is good! The sugar? Not so much.

Off to work on the closet. I have to keep busy today or else I'll graze for carbs.

Snack: felt the need for protein. I think the marrow will fill me up (or make me nauseous like it usually does; too rich)

4oz rotisserie chicken with 1T marrow
few pieces dried dates

Dinner:

Well, decided to again indulge. I had a few ounces of really good milk chocolate. I haven't had milk chocolate in a long time since dark chocolate is my thing. We were all at MIL's house and bonding over wine and chocolate. I don't like how red wine hits me the next day, so I stuck to the chocolate. Tossed 3 cashews in to the mix and I guess we'll call that dinner!

[PHaselow]

Protein day!

Had a large mug of cacao "coffee" with ghee/heavy cream. I think it bothered my stomach a bit. Typically, I've mixed it with ground decaf.

Lunch:

3 slices Boars Head deli turkey
1T soy free mayo with lemon
1 oz extra sharp cheddar
1 rotisserie chicken leg

Snack:

1 chocolate covered cashew (giggle giggle snort); resisted the urge to bond with family again this day during our hospice vigil.

Dinner:

Massive bowl of broccoli slaw with 1/3 c cashews, 1 pc crumbled bacon and dressing of warm marrow/bacon grease and soy free mayo. Per bag of slaw, it is about 20g carbs. Only other carb today was the single chocolate covered cashew.

Between the MIL vigil and a persistent UTI, I have not been active since Monday morning. I hope I feel well enough to work out tomorrow. I cannot even walk fast; too much pain. Trying another antibiotic to see if that does the trick. Never had this happen before (antibiotic resistance). Yay, me.

[PHaselow]

Mondays. Mondays.

I had a rough night. I'm taking Bactrim for a possible UTI and I think I'm reacting badly to it: restlessness, agitation, insomnia, anxiety woke me up out of a dead sleep. The usual me would have shoved my face into a bag of chocolate chips to try to relieve the anxiety. Instead I just drank some warm water and tried to think happy thoughts instead of wondering if I was going into septic shock. The Internet is a nasty friend at 2am.

So I live to eat another Primal meal:

decaf with ghee/heavy cream. I think this will be my last cup for a bit to see if the coffee is aggravating the UTI symptoms.

Lunch:

+Large bowl of broccoli slaw with 1/4c cashews and small handful of raisins. Tossed with warm bacon grease/marrow/macadamia oil/soy free mayo (little bit) dressing and sea salt.
+1c bone broth. I skimmed all of the fat this time. It tastes very 'mineraly' with an undertone of vinegar. Not bad; needed salt.
+2T coconut butter

Snack:

I guess I saved my chocolate binge for today.
+3oz white and dark chocolate, approximately. The white crap was actually yogurt chips (gross. I ate 'em)

Starting to see the "no protein for first meal = binge later" connection. I did have some cooked salmon in the fridge, but it is farmed and I just didn't want it in my body. I have to start making sure I always have hard boiled eggs or leftover meat dishes on hand for that first meal (usually around 11am).

Dinner:

About a cup of mixed vegetables sauteed in butter. Not hungry. I think yucky yogurt chocolate will do that to a person.

Seems I am getting enough fat. Seems I am not getting enough protein. Carbs (outside of the chocolate frenzy) was well in check. I never crave gluten or even other grains at all. Did go to therapy with my husband tonight and he really ticked me off. I had to resist a misery binge. I'm surprised I stuck with just the vegetables. I must be maturing!

[PHaselow]

Feeling so much better, physically, today. That infection just needed a few days of antibiotics to turn the corner, I guess. New lease on life!

Had some decaf with ghee/heavy cream (screw the dropping coffee idea; I love it)

Lunch:

2-3 oz Boars Head deli turkey
1c BBQ pulled pork
Few bites of egg with parmesan

Again, eating a lot at MIL's house while we are holding the death vigil. Neighbors are so kind to bring the food. I am doing OK with avoiding the bread and baked goods. Probably quite a bit of sugar in the BBQ sauce, but it was GOOD. Eating solid protein for lunch seems to help squelch my appetite.

Snack/dinner:

10 almonds
1/4 c Paleo People 'granola' mixed with maybe few TBSP crumbs from a decadent chocolate granola!
Small piece of meat lasagna (picked a bit through the noodles and left most of that on plate)
1/4c amber cup squash with butter

[freedom.please]

Mondays. Mondays.

I had a rough night. I'm taking Bactrim for a possible UTI and I think I'm reacting badly to it: restlessness, agitation, insomnia, anxiety woke me up out of a dead sleep. The usual me would have shoved my face into a bag of chocolate chips to try to relieve the anxiety. Instead I just drank some warm water and tried to think happy thoughts instead of wondering if I was going into septic shock. The Internet is a nasty friend at 2am.
..... I'm surprised I stuck with just the vegetables. I must be maturing!

Haha this is great! Glad to hear you were able to resist some binges. Are your binges full on large amounts or do you consider a binge just when you eat a few things that are not primal? I guess technically a binge is not based on amount but rather the feeling that goes with the eating, that uncontrollable aspect. I have found that it takes me a day or two to recover with a binge... during those couple days I have to slightly give in to a few bad things so I don't go full out eating, then eventually I subside back into what I consider a good normal diet.

You seem to be doing well! Best wishes in handling the MIL situation, I can only imagine how difficult that is

[PHaselow]

Haha this is great! Glad to hear you were able to resist some binges. Are your binges full on large amounts or do you consider a binge just when you eat a few things that are not primal? I guess technically a binge is not based on amount but rather the feeling that goes with the eating, that uncontrollable aspect. I have found that it takes me a day or two to recover with a binge... during those couple days I have to slightly give in to a few bad things so I don't go full out eating, then eventually I subside back into what I consider a good normal diet.

You seem to be doing well! Best wishes in handling the MIL situation, I can only imagine how difficult that is

For me, a binge is about the reason behind eating (or lack of). The absence of awareness. Even if it is a bowl of chocolate chips and a few tablespoons of peanut butter. I, too, typically have one bad day and then a few small cheat days afterwards and then back to Primal.

It is very hard to stay Primal when at another person's home all day; especially under stressful situations. Everyone is offering and bringing food. You are sitting around. Waiting. Bored. Sometimes having fun reminiscing. Social eating.

I also haven't been able to exercise for 8 days because of this bladder/UTI. I can't move much without pressure or pain. I was hoping the Bactrim would kill the spasms but it hasn't yet. Getting restless and frustrated.

[freedom.please]

Sorry to hear about your frustration, I realized my previous post probably did not sound very empathetic. I hope things turn around and I would like to add that I think considering the situation you are handling it extremely well. Feel better, you sound like a very tough gal