Primal Journal of a lifelong seeker... phaselow page 5

[PHaselow]

No. More. Sugar.

I am not a person (at this point) that can manage anything short of 100% Primal. I just don't have it in me yet. Or maybe I just don't fully understand the PB. If I'm going to do this for results, I really have to buckle down and do it. "Half-Assery" isn't getting the job done. Two months of pretending to be Primal when I've really just substituted my non-binge days with a diet of more protein/fat and fewer vegetable carbs. I still have 1-3 days/week of crappy eating. Nothing is going to change on the outside if I keep this up.

Pep talk for Pam is needed. U-Rah-Rah. You can do it?

[freedom.please]

I hear ya!
- first I just want to say I like what you posted on my journal especially about eating more fat, I agree with you.
Sugar = our drug .... I am sorry the last couple months are not what you had hoped for.

you can do it
We can do it! I think we both need to have a clean start tomorrow. Lets challenge ourselves. Most importantly it should be about feeling good and not having such ups and downs. And it is very frustrating! When you know your problem so well, and you know what is right (how to eat, how to move, healthy distractions) and yet all at once it flops. Strange huh. I am with you, I do not want to pretend to be primal, I want to be primal... gotta make it simple and just do it I guess

I wish you the best, and be sure to take time for yourself!

[PHaselow]

I hear ya!
- first I just want to say I like what you posted on my journal especially about eating more fat, I agree with you.
Sugar = our drug .... I am sorry the last couple months are not what you had hoped for.

you can do it
We can do it! I think we both need to have a clean start tomorrow. Lets challenge ourselves. Most importantly it should be about feeling good and not having such ups and downs. And it is very frustrating! When you know your problem so well, and you know what is right (how to eat, how to move, healthy distractions) and yet all at once it flops. Strange huh. I am with you, I do not want to pretend to be primal, I want to be primal... gotta make it simple and just do it I guess

I wish you the best, and be sure to take time for yourself!

Thank you! You are much wiser and more aware of your issues than I was at 20. I trust you will not be where I am at 47!

Clean start today. The fog from my party-eating has lifted this morning. I continue to be amazed at how much impact certain foods have on our bodies now that I am working to eliminate them.

Taking time to drive to Madison to see my parents. I love the alone time in the car and I love my home town. Love it. Time for some good old fashioned crazy liberal company to soothe the soul.

[PHaselow]

Another day:

Started out with decaf coffee with a little ghee and heavy cream. Fasted until 11:30am because I was going out to lunch with my parents and hopped in the car kind of early to get there.

Lunch:

6 pc tuna sushi roll
6 pc nigiri with white rice

A lot of sticky white rice for me, but it was GOOD! I normally steer away from rice. Avoided birthday cake or desserts which is nice. My parents weren't wanting any for themselves so I didn't even have to say 'no'.

Snack:

I stopped at Whole Foods on the way home and grabbed a small to-go container of their detox salad and turmeric cauliflower salad (basically, broccoli/cauliflower/parsley/raisins in a little dressing). Had a second decaf with ghee/heavy cream to top it off.

Dinner:

We had friends over to help us eat the leftover lasagna and cheesecake from Friday's party. I just ate the mixed greens salad without dressing, 1c steamed broccoli and 2 oz sharp cheddar cheese. A few blueberries in the salad. There was also a chicken dish, but the sauce was sweet/sour and I just didn't feel like eating it.

A good recovery after a rough start to the weekend. I spent a ton of time in the car today, which isn't very fun for my scoliosis. I was able to take a crazy black lab puppy to his new adoptive home, so that makes me feel even better. That darn dog nearly caused a collision he was so squirrelly in the car. Lots of puppy kisses.

[PHaselow]

Wow. Crazy day. My MIL decided to check herself out of hospice AMA, and now the family is scrambling to get some type of home care set up after the fact. Nurse gave her the night time meds before she left, along with instructions for her husband/son on how much she can get throughout the night. I feel for her. She wanted to die at home and it seems that nobody was putting a plan in place so she forced the issue and now shit is flying. Stress eating today, for sure!

Decaf with ghee/heavy cream. I don't call it BP coffee because I don't use a ton of fat in it.

Lunch:

+curry chicken salad and broccoli slaw. Ate this at hospice, so the slaw and salad were pretty sweet. Probably quite a bit of sugar, which is why I then started craving!
+3T peanut butter (again... at hospice. Either that or pie!)

Snack:

+generous 1/2 c trail mix
+Seed bar from co-op

Dinner:

Finally at home! Ate about 4oz of a very fatty rib eye and a piece of bacon. Too much fat; I felt sick. Probably sick from the other stuff, but that just put me over the top.

Washer exploded, too! I so wish I lost my appetite when under stress!

Took my vitamins today. About the only positive thing that happened: 2 probiotics, 5000 IU D3, zinc and CoQ10

[PHaselow]

And now:

Only had 2 decafs with ghee/heavy cream until Noon because I just couldn't have another day of eating hospice-like food. It doesn't work well with me.

Lunch:

4oz of left over fatty rib eye
2pc bacon

Dinner:

2c kabocha squash mixed with about 4oz pork roast (mostly fat)

Cannot give up my winter squash. It is the only carb I ate today, period. Maybe 40 grams total for the day max?

Nothing much to say. Ethan had his testicles removed today. He's a dog.

I'm spending a lot of time gone in the mornings. I've got to figure out what to do about eating breakfast. I don't like eating when I first get up, but I also don't like to fast for 17-18 hours each day. I don't do well with mobile breakfasts like trail mix or beef jerky. I honestly do best eating steak or salmon; even more than eggs. I'm not at work at a desk. I guess I can fill a thermos with eggs and see how it lasts? I want to eat around 10am but typically can't until 11 or 12. By then I am so hungry... and home alone with the entire pantry at my disposal... and I make poor choices.

What's a girl to do?

[PHaselow]

Well, this morning I decided to eat a protein rich breakfast instead of my typical long fast. In addition to my decaf with ghee/cream, I also had:

1 egg omelette with 1 pc bacon
small chunk of left over cider braised pork shoulder roast

We will see if that protein lump in the morning sets me up for the day. Too little protein is definitely my downfall. It seems I ate a fatty enough breakfast to satiate. I am full now. I didn't get much sleep last night due to a UTI, but now I feel better with 2 doses abx so off to get another hour of sleep. Kids on bus. Dog fed. I'm full. Went to gym. Had a pathetic workout, but I completed it. Finisher on rowing machine felt good but stamina was low.

Lunch:

Rest of pork and most of onion/apple mixture. Maybe 8oz meat? A ton!

Snack:

Dark chocolate I was baking and just had to sample.
1t peanut butter

So, the eating breakfast today did not help my appetite. I think I just eat a lot!

Dinner:

2-3 oz extra sharp cheddar and mild cheddar cheese

I was over at my MIL's house, which was full of baked goods and casseroles brought by well meaning friends and neighbors. I only at the cheese. The chaotic vigil continues as my MIL declines. I am so proud of her for getting out of inpatient hospice. I can see a contentment now that she is home. Tough to watch the life drain. She has that terminal restlessness we've heard about; she just moves around and around the house which means someone always has to move around with her. Purposeless walking... perhaps movement is how she can still feel alive? Everyone wants her to rest. This cancer makes me realize I have a better chance of not being in her shoes if I eat well. Will this help stop my cheating ways?

[Goldie]

Ethan had his testicles removed today. He's a dog.

ROFL !! I'm glad to hear it! Did you see in the news that a British rugby player ruptured a testicle during a game, and after the game was over, went to the hospital, where they removed it. He tweeted after he left the hospital, "Seriously feel like I've left something?"

I'm spending a lot of time gone in the mornings. I've got to figure out what to do about eating breakfast.

...(snip)...

What's a girl to do?

How about hard boiled eggs and beef jerky or veg/fruit? When I'm not sure what my morning schedule is going to be like, I'll put a couple of hard boiled eggs in a ziplock, grab some beef jerky, and/or some baby carrots or a small apple.

[PHaselow]

ROFL !! I'm glad to hear it! Did you see in the news that a British rugby player ruptured a testicle during a game, and after the game was over, went to the hospital, where they removed it. He tweeted after he left the hospital, "Seriously feel like I've left something?"



How about hard boiled eggs and beef jerky or veg/fruit? When I'm not sure what my morning schedule is going to be like, I'll put a couple of hard boiled eggs in a ziplock, grab some beef jerky, and/or some baby carrots or a small apple.

Augh. I don't even have testicles and that makes me squeamish.

I tried the beef jerky. I don't think it was enough food in my stomach. I use the jerky for afternoon snacks, but I do need something heavier when I break that fast. I will get a dozen eggs and hard boil them up for my busy mornings. Now that it is getting colder, I can leave them in the car.

thanks

[PHaselow]

A little stress reduction today!

Got my new clothes washer, and I get to spend an entire morning at home (ALONE) to catch up on a week's worth of laundry for a family of 5. The others are at MIL's house to care for her. The machine even plays a catchy tune at the end of the cycle; very soothing.

Fasted from 7PM-11:30AM except for 2 mugs of decaf with ghee/heavy cream

Lunch:

8oz lamb leg steak; marinated in olive oil/rosemary/honey/tamari
1 square 75% raw chocolate bar

We will see how today goes. It is almost 1PM, and I am not ravenous. I think eating that much protein did it. Is that OK to gorge on meat like that? I feel the need to eat only vegetables for dinner. My thoughts about food are still 'off'. I do love that I don't want baked goods at all anymore. I don't even want my beloved caramel apple, although I'm not about the test it by bringing one into the house.

Dinner:

small serving rotisserie chicken
lots of orange winter squash

After reading Mark's Fall Foods/Seasonal Eating post today, I decided I was going to keep on indulging in my winter squash and forget about fearing those carbs. Honestly, it is the only carbs I've eaten today, but it was probably a boat load (all at once). Very sweet without any seasoning. I ate half of a pretty large ambercup squash. Close to 3 cups of the stuff. 60g

Bring on that winter fat.