Help me help my boyfriend! page

[Asmodeuskraemer]

You guys!
My boyfriend needs some help.
First, he grew up on a very SAD diet. When we met he was around 125lbs, 6'1 or 6'2. VERY thin, hates exercise. He's had stomach problems all his life. He's been to the doctor forever, they can't determine whats going on. He had his appendix out when he was young. Sometimes eating makes him very ill, but those foods aren't always the same. For example, eggs are sometimes ok and sometimes not. Sometimes even his favorite foods (greasy burgers, pizza, super cheap chinese food) will keep him in the bathroom for a long time-sometimes he even throws up, which is very very painful for him and he has bad stomach cramps for hours after this.

When we moved in together, he started eating what I cooked for him. It was much better than SAD (I grew up on farm-esq cooking, so I know how to make really good food, not from a box) but it wasn't Primal. He had diarrhea for about a month and then things settled down for him. I figured this was his body purging all the junk he had been eating his whole life. He gained 20lbs-his stomach is mostly flat now, instead of concave. Since then, he has rejected the primal habits because he loves fast food and bread. I also got sick of cooking for 2 ALL THE DAMNED TIME and have cut back. He used to eat a lot of packaged meals, like lean cuisines, hot dogs, frozen waffles, etc.

Recently, he started having bad diarrhea. He didn't tell me for a couple months because he was embarrassed. I emailed him one of Mark's articles on gluten allergies because a lot of the symptoms sounded like him. I was very surprised (and proud) that he decided to go gluten free to see what happened. To him, though, gluten free means "eat the same stuff that I was eating, only gluten free versions" so he went out and bought a bunch of gluten free breakfast bars, cookies, chips and tons of johnsonville hot dogs/brats. For a week his bathroom problems were better! Yeay! But now they've come back. I've tried talking him into trying primal but he loves those cookies and chips and doesn't want to learn to cook. I've cooked a couple things with him, like a primal dinner but he either doesn't eat enough and then wants cookies or gets stomach cramps and diarrhea.

Since I can't force it on him, does anyone have any advice? Its only been 2 weeks or so since he started going gluten free, but obviously something in his diet isn't good and is making him have "teh nasties." (dude uses more TP than I do! I had been wondering where it was all going...) Maybe he's adjusting again? Maybe something else is missing? I'm worried he will give up and go back to the even more junky junk he was eating before. He brings up his bathroom problems a lot to me now and I feel guilty that gluten free (such as it is. He's still eating the fast food, but omits buns and things) isn't working like I had hoped. I don't know what to say to him! Help!

[Damiana]

Gluten-free version of processed crap is definitely not primal. If all his health trouble hasn't convinced him to change his lifestyle, then he's a silly dumdum head. You could try giving him literary resources and advice but you are not his mother and this is a grown man who should be responsible enough to take care of his own health. You can lead a horse to water...

[Miscellangela]

Dude, i am having the EXACT same problem with my own manly man. Except mine is thin all over except for a big pot belly - an obvious direct result of the grains that make him sick, but he absolutely refuses to give up. I'm looking forward to some good suggestions in this thread. Sometimes I hardly see him at all after dinner because he's in the bathroom all night! We say he's "bowlin'".

[Asmodeuskraemer]

Well, he doesn't want to go primal because he loves his snack foods so much. He also doesn't eat vegetables unless they're smothered in a sauce. He''ll eat an Indian dish, like chicken tika that I dump veggies in but won't try cauliflower rice or broccoli smothered in delicious sauce just cause h doesn't like it. It's really frustrating. He's kinda got a little belly, but not a pot belly by any means. I'm trying to get him to exercise more. He knows he has to....just doesn't. Arg!!

[workinprogress]

Ask him to try the 21 day challenge. Most people can give up anything for 3 weeks, and then if they don't see benefits they can go back to there old ways.

[quelsen]

without an appendix it is a major issue.

he has to want to change. no one will until they want to. that being said , you know him best. how do you motivate him for any endeavor?

we are all creatures of habits.

the how to is never as important as the why to

once i realized that eating ketogenically gives me the benefits i seek i never ever thing to eat a different way. maybe his pull will be no pain, maybe not. maybe it is getting stronger, or having more and better sex ( and anyone who things they are being insulted by the offer of more and better sex needs to see the proctologist to remove that cranium from their..... 1% better is better)

men will move for women faster than for themselves "normally" but in the end this is a life style change and he has to choose it.

[Gadsie]

I just wanted to say you're probably an awesome girlfriend.

[Leida]

You are right, one cannot make the other to change. But once he is willing, help him. The problem is he is so used to pain, he just doesn't see being pain free. Maybe he needs hope...

You can try to find substitutes for his favorite foods. My Doritos addicted husband never once touched a chip since we got a dehydrator and I started making sweet potato chips. He was raving about the dehydrator for months. He thinks that home-made jerky is the best thing in the whole world. With my husband and my kid I do not insist on 100% adherence. But I steadfastly substitute, cook and pack, pack, substitute and cook... and hope for the best.

With my mom it took an onset of arthritis for her to be willing to try to at least drop bread. And a dare (what, you can't go without it for 6 weeks? Common ,you are stronger than that...) and her seeing my kiddo putting away mountains of bread-free food for a couple of weeks she was staying with her and going like a champ on it. In the past two weeks I had to listen to at least 4 different causes of why she just have to eat bread, and patiently offer her alternatives. Once she gets the alternatives she plays with them like a kid in the candy store, I swear. It is maddening, but in the end it works...

[sbhikes]

Read this: Is the paleo diet hard to do? Can you make the change?

[jfreaksho]

Could it be an actual soy allergy? (Canola even, maybe?) Pretty much all food products have varying levels of soy, but maybe not always enough to trigger a response. That would explain why he's still having problems while being "gluten-free".

Soy allergy: Symptoms - MayoClinic.com

Finally, you can't fix someone who won't fix themselves. Lots of people around here have had to learn that.