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    Accountability Journal - sarasue

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    Hello gentle grokkers,

    I'm starting this journal because I need some primal accountability. I've been 50/50 for two years and about 50/50 low carb for several years before that. I'm a sugar addict and a (highly stressed) PhD student. I've been a lurker for so long that I know what I'm doing wrong and at this point don't think I really need hacked. What I really need is willpower.

    Starting weight 190 lbs (unless my scale is 10 lbs off, which I'm beginning to think it might be).
    Dress size 14-16.
    Height 5'4"
    Energy middling: I often take a nap during the day.
    Hunger middling: I'm not often truly hungry. But I stress eat and addict eat. I can tell the difference between the two types of bad eating.
    Stress very high: 1 year into PhD program so this isn't going away soon. I teach 2 daytime classes and I take 3 night classes.

    So there's my first post disclaimer! On to the journal:

    Morning Walk: ~3 miles around a lake whilst chatting with a friend. - After coffee, before eggs. Usually I do this fasted but I felt really tired when I woke up today. (Night class last night.)

    Brekkie: Surprise! Double-yolked egg (local, organic). Over-easy with organic CSA box carmelized onion in organic (but probably not pastured) butter. Coffee and local pastured heavy cream. Medium-sized dollop of maple syrup.

    Double Egg.jpg

    Lunch: Wally world rotisserie chicken (ugh, I know) 1 leg and 1 thigh. 3 freshly juiced oranges = 1 cup of orange juice (sugary, I know, but I'm working down from a SERIOUS sugar addiction)

    1.5 hour nap

    Dinner: Pre-class/mid-afternoon - 1/2 cup of whole milk cottage cheese, 2-3 picked bites of chicken.
    During class (night class = 6-9 p.m.): 1/2 rotisserie chicken breast dipped in leftover Arby's sauce and horsey sauce. Wouldn't be so bad except prof. brought homemade cranberry loaf and blueberry muffins to class. 2 slices cranberry loaf and 1 muffin. 1 bottle of Perrier.

    2 bites of dark chocolate.

    Analysis:
    Not a great day, but not a total disaster either. No processed foods (unless you count the chicken) no ice cream shakes or preservative-laden breads. I wasn't hungry during the day, probably didn't eat enough/enough fat which is probably why I overdid it when faced with temptation at night. Small steps.
    Last edited by sarasue624; 09-14-2012 at 10:11 PM.

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    Hello gentle grokkers,

    Well, today's going to be crazy. So, I'll post what I intend to do and then we'll see if it happens! Let's just assume everything I post is organic unless I specify it's not.

    Brekkie: 1 onion, 1 roasted green pepper caramelized in butter topped with 1 over-easy egg. Coffee with cream and a medium dollop of maple syrup.

    Late Lunch: Taco salad with leftover Wally-World chicken. (Ugh.): 1/2 avocado, cheddar slice, just enough refried beans to hold salad together (anyone know a sub?), salsa, black olives, iceberg lettuce, sour cream, tomatoes. Unfortunately to pick up my avocado I had to go to HyVee hungry which resulted in a local dairy's little chocolate milk instead of Perrier to drink!

    1st Aqua-vortex swim class!

    Dinner: I'm headed out to the bar with friends. It might be alcohol for dinner, but maybe we'll stop somewhere between swim class and the bar. Am mentally preparing myself not to overdo it.

    Update: Dinner ended up being a frozen meal Chili Relleno (not terrible, but it is a boxed meal), 5 dark chocolate pomegranate candies, Perrier, 2 Rum and Cokes, 1/2 a Gin and Tonic, and a water with lime.

    Analysis: No beer, but I need to figure out what I can drink with my rum! The sugar monster is still with me, obviously.
    Last edited by sarasue624; 09-14-2012 at 07:21 AM.

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    Hello gentle grokkers,

    today ought to be a fully primal day until I hit 5:00 at which time I have a department gathering and another social night house party after. I have no idea what kind of food will be around at the department gathering, but I hope it doesn't tempt me too much! I'm planning to load up on good foods all day so that I won't be hungry come 5.

    Also, I am currently roasting 8 large bell peppers in my oven. Yeah for roasted red peppers with my eggs all next week!

    Peppers.jpg

    Brekkie: Coffee w/cream and a small dollop of maple syrup (weaning myself down on the maple syrup). Hot dog (nitrate free, organic, pastured) in butter.

    Zumba class! Water. Stepped on the scale at the gym and it said 189 - same as my scale at home. So, I guess I can trust my scale at home. So much for the 10 pounds off wishful thinking!

    Late lunch: Humongo serving (2 cups at least) of the leftover taco chicken salad from yesterday. Perrier.
    Last edited by sarasue624; 09-14-2012 at 10:08 PM.

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    Hello gentle grokkers,

    let's survey tonight's damage:

    - I took a nap after lunch instead of being productive.
    - I went to the department gathering and ate:
    *bits of specialty cheese, a diet coke, Tablespoon hummus, 3 pita chips, 4 creampuffs - 1 of which was dipped in chocolate, goat cheese/red pepper jelly on 2 crackers, a square of traditional cake w/icing (which wasn't even very good)
    - Then I went to the house after-party and ate:
    *a turkey lunchmeat and artichoke tomato antipasto sandwich (yes, on 2 slices of bread), a small slice of pizza, 3 chips with guacamole, two bites of sugared trail mix, a dessert pizza stick, a margarita flavored cooler, a glass of 2/3 white wine 1/3 club soda

    It's damage, for sure. However, it's not as bad as I forsee it having been if I hadn't eaten that big late lunch. I love my departmental friends to death but they are definitely foodies and the food is always awesome. There are things I could have done tonight to make what I ate more primal. I did not do them. Why did I not do them? What is my mental hold-up?

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    Hello gentle grokkers,

    I was gentle on myself all week but now I can say: I suck. I spent all day at home on my butt revising work for exams and I did not make 1 single decently primal meal. The culprit? A loaf of bread and starbucks frappucinos I brought home from the after party last night.

    Today I had 3 sandwhiches and 3 frapucinos. Yup, brekkie, lunch and dinner. Now what I put between those slices of bread was excellent - organic turkey lunchmeat, roasted red peppers, cream cheese, artichoke tomato antipasto. Yummo. I should have rolled all that up in a piece of lettuce. But I didn't.

    Oh, and I had a piece of toast with jam and butter.

    Time to get the bread OUT of the apartment! This is the most bread I have eaten in one day in I-can't-remember-how-long while sitting on my couch typing on my laptop. I put in a 13 hour day so far today. Needless to say with all that sugar and caffeine, no naps and no exercise today. Lots of stress though.

    I look forward to tomorrow, however. I'm going with a primally friendly friend out to a lake and we are going to grill ourselves up some steak! That should keep me off the bread just fine. (I hope.)

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    Hello gentle grokkers,

    this morning I stuck the bread in the freezer

    Brekkie: the last frapucino, 2 pieces of bacon, in the grease 1 onion and 1 small, purple potato (hash), threw an egg on top and covered the skillet to steam it. This is a new breakfast recipe for me. The egg turned out perfectly. However the potatoes are... al dente. I'll wait a few minutes before I throw the egg on top next time!

    Spent a lovely 3 hours at the lake walking around and grilling:

    Lunch: Steak! Grilled zuchinni and summer sqush and onions too. Grilled it all in butter. A tiny bit of sriracha sauce on top. Oh my. Bottle of Perrier.

    Coffee with cream and a bit of maple syrup.

    And then all hell broke loose.

    I wasn't hungry for supper, so I hadn't eaten anything when 8:00 rolled around...

    Margarita cooler
    Egg in a hole
    Grape-nuts with cream and maple syrup.

    Geez.
    Last edited by sarasue624; 09-16-2012 at 08:15 PM.

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    Hello gentle grokkers,

    lovely 3-mile walk around the lake with a friend this morning.

    Brekkie: Coffee w/cream and a bit of maple syrup. I'm not really hungry this morning - gut is upset with me (stupid Grape-nuts).

    Lunch: Arby's with a friend. I'm planning to pick off the bun but eat some curly fries. If I'm really good I'll get unsweetened tea or bring Perrier. If I'm really bad I'll get a Jamocha shake :0

    Night class: I'm in a group designated to bring chocolate-themed food to class. I volunteered for hot chocolate - thinking that I'll be able to resist drinking that fairly easily and can leave the leftover packets in the breakroom. We'll see if I can stay away from the lovely chocolate concoctions my group members show up with.

    When and what am I going to have for dinner?

    Update: Lunch: Arby's ended up being 2 sandwiches combined into 1 bun and curly fries with a diet coke. So not great, but no Jamocha shake. I really wanted to get a salad to put the meat of one salad on, but then when looking at the salad choices (and prices) chickened out. HOWEVER, I spent the afternoon with a really chill friend and her newborn and I have lost about 1/3 of the stress I did have. Hanging out with her made me not return to my apartment before dinnertime - which I had to pick up and eat, literally, on the way to class.

    Dinner: Jr. Whopper and Frozen Frappucino (facepalm - but it got me through class, and I was presenting, so that's important) 1 piece of fudge, 1 piece of fancy chocolate during break time in class.

    Well, today was a wash. Lower stress but worse food. I'm shooting for better food tomorrow.
    Last edited by sarasue624; 09-17-2012 at 07:38 PM.

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    Hello gentle grokkers,

    it'd better be a fully primal day today.

    Brekkie: 1/2 leftover grilled zuchinni, 1/2 leftover grilled summer squash, 1 lil onion chopped and sauteed in butter topped with a steamed egg. Tried bulletproof coffee. I don't know how y'all afford to use that much butter! I definitely didn't put enough in and so made up the difference in heavy cream. No maple syrup!

    Taught.
    Late lunch: I feel freakin' fantastic! Another bulletproof coffee - more butter this time 1 slice of low carb high protein bread w/cream cheese and a roasted red pepper. (I'm allowed to have 1 slice of the special bread per day until I'm out - I'm poor.) I need more food...

    Took a 40 min. nap.

    Late lunch take 2: 1.5 chicken sausages, rest of bulletproof coffee, Perrier.

    Night class! Night class damage: 4 specialty chocolates. Hey, hey, not bad!

    But now it's 10:15 p.m. and I'm hungry. I have 1/2 a chicken sausage, but that really doesn't sound good. I don't know what sounds good. I have plenty of food. Maybe I'll go get some lunchmeat chicken.

    10:45 snack: turkey lunchmeat w/ tomato artichoke antipasto. Hits the spot!
    Last edited by sarasue624; 09-18-2012 at 08:50 PM.

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    Hello gentle grokkers,

    Slept with the screen door open last night and I woke almost cold! It's been a rough summer so I'm glad fall's coming.

    Lovely fasted 3 mile walk around a lake with a friend this morning.

    Brekkie: 4 warm tomatoes with melted chevre. Lovely.

    2012-06-19 09.21.36.jpg

    Espresso w/coconut oil, heavy cream, bit of maple syrup - I should probably say that all of my "coffee" is actually a mug's worth of espresso.

    I feel great this morning, even though little cat woke me at 5:30, 6:00, and 6:30.

    Lunch: 1/2 can leftover refried beans (no ucky stuff in there... except that it's beans and that's a no no, but not a huge no no so I'm eating the leftovers) with sour cream, the tomato guts from this morning, the leftover 1/2 chicken sausage from last night, some pinched TacoBell taco sauce (2 packets) and plantain chips - no sugar added. That takes care of my Tex-Mex craving for the day!

    2 hour nap.

    Woke up feeling not-so-good. Ugh. Was it the nap or the beans and plantains? I'm thinking twas the beans. Dang it. I really need to eat an early supper before night-class tonight but cannot force myself. I realize I'm setting myself up to eat whatever baked treats my prof brings in. I'll take lunch-meat and Perrier with me and hope for the best.

    Damage from night class: Ate my lunch meat, I think about 4 oz. in the classroom before class. Ate 2 small shortbread cookies and 7 pieces of assorted fruit with my bottle of Perrier during class.

    $ Pint night: 2 hours after class at the bar - 1 pint of wheat beer. I could have had something else, but really, for a buck there wasn't much else that was worth it. The destress with friends is worth the beer, I think.

    All that sugar has left me HONGRY at 11:30 p.m.! Uh oh. I've saved my 1 slice of bread/day for just this situation so I'm making toast that I will have with butter, and maybe a little smear of jam.

    The beans have definitely let me know that I was a stupid girl for eating them. Beans from a can are off my list!
    Last edited by sarasue624; 09-19-2012 at 09:34 PM.

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    Hello gentle grokkers,

    now I remember what I had intended to do yesterday instead of take a nap - go to the co-op and pick up some cream! Ooops. So I have no dairy cream which means I put a bit of canned coconut milk in my coffee this morning. It's fine. But it's only just fine - I don't particularly like coconut milk in my coffee! So, I made a large breakfast to make up for that and hold me until 2, at least, I'd like to be able to skip lunch entirely today.

    Brekkie: Coffee with coconut milk and a bit of maple syrup. 2 steamed eggs atop 2 pieces of bacon, 1/2 a small zucchini, 1/2 a small summer squash, 1 small red onion.
    egg.jpg

    Sweet Potato! Chopped and sauteed in butter.
    potato.jpg

    My slap-chop has been indispensable this morning

    Taught. Went to Wally-World.

    Late late lunch: Can I just sing the praises of Wally-World sushi for a moment? I lurv Wally-World sushi more than AV that is high and Dilly-world's sushi. I only ever eat the salmon lovers plate and that is what I have just eaten for a late, late lunch. Is it high carb - yes. Is the salmon likely farmed? Yes, probably. Is there added sugar in the sushi rice? Most definitely. Oh, but it is SO GOOD. And thus has to be an occasional treat *sigh* Luckily, someone else in this town loves it too and so most of the time, on the rare occasions I go to Wally-World, there is no salmon sushi. I lucked out today!

    On another happy note, my big breakfast lasted until 3:30 and then I got hungry - thus engendering the sushi love. I shall burn off the rice and other added sugars by hauling my CSA box around and going to Aqua Vortex!

    Hauled around a big box of veggies!
    Aqua Vortex!

    Supper with friends at a great little Korean restaurant - had a Bipimbap bowl sans rice (rice comes on the side anyways). I may have put 1 chopstick worth of rice in the bottom of the bowl to mop up the juices. 2 small cups of unsweetened "korean drink" which I think is corn-silk tea. It tastes corny to me, anyhow. 1 water.

    Amazingly awesome jazz concert. Had a wheat beer. Should not have had wheat beer as it is now 11:20 and I'm hungry. I'm not giving in tonight though - I'm going to bed!
    Last edited by sarasue624; 09-20-2012 at 09:25 PM.

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