OP, I've totally been having all these thoughts for the last month or so.
You know, I have a friend who is gorgeous, but always carried an extra few pounds. Occasionally she used to moan about feeling fat, but had a healthy appetite and enjoyed her food. Another friend convinced her to do weightwatchers. They both slimmed up, but after about six months, friend A started binging. She never had issues with an ED before this point in her life (she was 29 at the time). She did however, have a history of suffering from depression. Friend B doesn't, and didn't have any binging episodes.
I suffer from depression and an ED and I initially thought that cutting out addictive foods would be helpful. They were initially. But after about three months I "fell off the wagon". My body should have been "clean" but when the high of "getting clean" was over (change is addictive too!) I wanted my old pattern back.
Addiction is more than physical for some of us, and if you've got a tendency towards it then food just becomes another delivery system for physical highs that are inextricably linked to concurrent self loathing.
I personally think that, if you've got these tendencies, the restrictions set up a framework of denial and punishment, which just keep fuelling the addition. I've had drug, cigarette and alcohol dependencies over the years which were crutches for my anxieties and sadness, but I think they never developed into full blown addictions cos I never hated myself for doing them or felt like i needed to stop. Over the years I became more comfortable with myself socially, and I gradually stopped doing all of those things. But they're not off limits.
The food thing is harder for me cos' it's linked to physical appearance and the inbuilt programming that skinny is beautiful. If you suffer from feelings of worthlessness, your physical appearance just becomes another way to punish yourself- "I don't deserve to look as good as I could". Sigh. Then adding in the restrictions, a diet / getting ripped becomes another thing to fail at, hence another thing to feel guilty about.
I think Emmie made some great suggestions and I think finding the right therapist is amazing, but it's something that you have to stick with for quite a while to see results.
Love your approach Leida, as always
Originally Posted by Leida
Last edited by YogaBare; 01-11-2013 at 07:58 AM.
“I'm glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, "My God! I love everything." Yeah, now if that isn't a hazard to our country..."
― Bill Hicks
"Sometimes eating the wrong food with the right attitude is a better choice than eating the right food with the wrong attitude... That’s how powerful the mind and the heart can be in the healing process."
- Chris Kresser