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Thread: Please help me help my husband lose weight

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Santa Barbara
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    Quote Originally Posted by SarahW View Post
    I should also explain that my husband has atrial fibrillation, and is a hypochondriac who is constantly afraid of dying from cancer.
    God, he sounds like mine. Are you sure you aren't me?

    You've actually gotten further with yours than I have with mine. Fricken' hypochondriacs drive me up a wall. I think they really like the drama of being so sick. Mine was even going to have heart valve ablation or some dramatic thing next week for his heart arrhythmia but now he has to postpone because he's got some white blood cell problem and thinks he's got autoimmune or leukemia. He probably does have autoimmune because he's got arthritis, inflammation, IBS, all kinds of pain, brain fog that has him thinking he's got early stage Alzheimers and he can't sleep. But even as sick as he is, he Just. Won't. Take. Matters. Into. His. Own. Hands. Doctors and pills have all the answers. Nutrition is woo woo. Even as I've transformed right before his eyes, he scoffs and sneers at any suggestion that nutrition and fitness can lead to health. I even feed him the exalted Mediterranean diet for crying out loud but he can't even see that. No, to him the Mediterranean diet means pasta and I'm trying to kill him eating "all that fat". What fat? For god's sake it's steamed vegetables and fish 90% of the time! I only serve liver, bone marrow and fatty meats to myself. I am so sick and tired of his wanking. Sorry for letting loose with my own.

    Anyway, Your man isn't losing weight because it sounds like he's eating way too much. He eats or drinks all day long. His digestive system has no rest, his insulin never comes down long enough to let the fat out before he shoots it back up with a snack.

    I don't have an answer for you. I think that Robb Wolf is right and the only answer is divorce. Or just shut up and get ready to wipe their asses in a few years after they've totally degenerated.
    Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Appalachian Ohio
    Quote Originally Posted by SarahW View Post
    He does like butter, but he never had real butter before he came to America. His mother would always buy the tasteless, white margarine crap. She also bought milk that could be kept in the cupboard. The really sad thing about this is that he grew up in traditional farm country, with breeds of ancient cows, herds of sheep, and other animals galore, but other than the honey from his dad's bees, no one ever ate traditional whole animal foods. His first job was with the largest employer around - a company that produced powdered milk and shipped it around the world.
    Oooh - now you have me interested. What country? I have had the cupboard milk before.

    My MIL is a reluctant cook, too, even though she is a fine woman otherwise. She loves her kids dearly, and fed them to keep them from starvation, but had some annoying habits: all leftovers got dumped into a "casserole" and heated in the oven... voila, dinner. Guess how Hubby felt about "casseroles", even though mine are specific made-exclusively-from-fresh-ingredients dishes.

    Hubby and siblings were also prevented from going into the fridge at all during their growing-up years. Mealtimes and snacks happened only on a schedule, and were portioned. Hubby ate like a released prisoner for years into our marriage - as much as possible in as short a time.

    Hubby thought mushrooms were disgusting and wouldn't eat them. It took me a year to figure out that his mom used canned shrooms exclusively. Once I explained the differences between fresh portobellos and canned booger-balls, he tried them and now is an enthusiastic eater - of the fresh ones.

    You do have your work cut out for you, but if I can make headway with mine, I think you will have success with yours. He isn't refusing completely, just really unsure and faced with a wife who is making demands on ingrained gawdawful eating habits, I think. (Correct me if I am wrong) Are you two newlyweds?

    Now Hubby has almost 2 decades of my cooking behind him, and can't eat for long at his mom's place, much as he loves her. Last thing she did: thawed frozen shrimp under running water (placed in a colander), and she kept the water on until the shrimp were thawed - and by then all the taste had run down the drain.

    Luckily, Hubby is a huge consumer of water. He drinks so much water, sometimes I get a little scared of it. He will down 3 large glasses waiting for dinner at a restaurant, and then 3 to 4 more during dinner, and then another one to top off. Seriously. So I have no problems there.

  3. #13
    I'd guess it might be a combination of things, and it definitely sounds like he's eating too much. Everything sounded fine until you mentioned all the snacking and drinking milk all the time.

    What really worked for me was trying out the leptin reset (MY LEPTIN PRESCRIPTION | Jack Kruse). I started making sure I had really large breakfasts with around 50 grams of protein, watched total carb intake, and completely cut out any sort of sugar or artificial stuff. Over time that drastically started changing how I felt. I would no longer get hungry until way past my normal lunchtime, I didn't need to snack anymore, and my sense of hunger has gradually normalized.

    I also found it very helpful to record what I was eating. Snacking can really add up quickly, especially when it's things like nuts that are massively high in calories, and milk that's also high in sugars.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Southern California
    He might be snacking too much. A couple of handful of almonds a day can really sneak up on you if you're not careful, and the cheese sticks could be running 3-400 calories a day if he's not watching his portion size. I know we don't really like calorie-counting on primal, but for people trying to lose weight, ultimately it is the quantity as well as the quality if the calories ingested that makes a difference, and your husband could be eating 1000 extra calories a day munching on snacks, undoing the good of his otherwise mostly primal diet.
    Last edited by Damiana; 09-08-2012 at 03:48 AM.
    F 28/5'4/100 lbs

    "I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath; do your research."

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    New Zealand
    Quote Originally Posted by Louisa655 View Post
    Why don't you just take on the role as chef in the house and he'll eat what you prepare. .
    Louisa, I think this is great advice. I do this, and my hubby certainly does eat it. I have even taken to making him a packed lunch with the leftovers and he will eat those too. I still have my work cut out to make sure the portions are satisfying enough so that he doesn't feel the urge to seek out junk in between times.

    His cholesterol and triglyceride results were scary, but I'm the one who is scared, he doesn't seem to care about them, and he does not want to lose weight for fear of looking weedy (these days you can't tell what a slim build he really is - which to his way of thinking is a good thing).

    So I just keep on with the good food as much as possible, at least it's delicious and must be helping his health, I have noticed a few positive differences such as less snoring, lol, even though he is not actively on board with the programme, so to speak.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Hey! Good luck And a few things to help.

    You asked for a doctor, so he here's a link. Diet Doctor - Real food for your health There are more out there, but this is the one I like. He's personable and updates often He's Swedish but this is his English website. (edited to say that I like his blog but I no longer eat dairy since I did the Whole30 I'm about to yammer on about )

    Second, I recommend he try a Whole30. An actual, by the rules, Whole 30 (not "whole 30 plus dairy" or whatever). If he'll read a book (or if you want to) then It Starts With Food is really good. It doesn't just tell you what to cut out of your diet, it tells you why, and when you understand why it's easier to comply. The information is on the website too but it 's not as straightforward and you'll have to search. But here's the site Our philosophy, program and community | Whole9 | Let us change your life. They also have a Facebook page, and forums on the site. You feel like crap the first few weeks and then the magic begins to happen

    You mentioned he ate a lot of dairy. Some people do ok with dairy but a lot of people don't and the thing is you don't know til you cut it. I cut grains and sugar but was still hungry every evening after dinner. It wasn't until I cut dairy that I felt I got full control over my cravings. It doesn't matter what his ethnic background is, what matters is how his body can handle it. If he's willing to cut out dairy for a month then he'll see if he has a problem with it or not.

    Whole30 also cuts legumes, alcohol, soy, artificial sweeteners and preservatives in addition to sugar, dairy and grains. It's 30 days of eating vegetables (except legumes), meat, nuts, healthy fats and fruit (in moderation, but in their opinion if you want to eat a banana, then eat a banana!). And just eat when hungry, don't count calories or worry about that. I had a good start with the primal eating but the Whole30 put things up to a whole new level for me. I really think it was the dairy for me, since it does cause a decent insulin spike The Dairy Manifesto | Whole9 | Let us change your life.

    As for what to drink, I drink water. There's no need to drink milk all day long unless he's a nursing child But yeah, I know it's hard for people who didn't grow up that way. You can get sparkling water (water with carbonation added) if that helps him. Or water flavored with herbal tea. But the Whole30 says don't use stevia or artificial sweeteners or anything and I agree with them. Artificially sweetened things just make you crave the real thing.

    I drink kombucha though (since you mentioned it). I let it ferment a really long time to make sure the sugar is all gone at which point it's pretty vinegary so I mix it with sparkling water (unflavored, no sweetener) and add ice and it's yummy. But most of the day I drink water.

    But yeah, it's all easier said than done. It's hard to go against what you ate your whole life, even when you can see it's obviously not working for you. I hope he is willing to try! Good luck.
    Last edited by ShannonCC; 09-08-2012 at 06:08 AM.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Agreeing with the others that it sounds like he's snacking all day long, and that's not going to help.

    Also, milk definitely doesn't make it any easier either. I like the idea of giving up drinking milk and maybe keeping cheese or greek yogurt so he doesn't feel totally deprived. A lot of people, including myself, seem to do fine on things like cheese, but a glass of milk just gets the cravings rolling.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    He isn't losing weight because he is eating too damn much food. That is roughly enough food for two people doing heavy labour on a daily basis, and I'm willing to bet he sits in a chair. all. day. long.

    Until he is willing to do the hard work of actual self-deprivation, he won't lose weight, and no sense in you making yourself the evil witch OR responsible for his food intake until he does. His food, his choice. Step back so he has to assume the responsibility for himself. You are NOT his mommy.

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Quote Originally Posted by ShannonCC View Post
    There's no need to drink milk all day long unless he's a nursing child
    My uncle once posted something on Facebook about how milk is an evolutionarily-developed product that will take a calf and turn it into a cow in a matter of months.* What does your husband expect it to do to a person? It's used by young animals to grow very fast and very quickly. Babies drink it and double their weight in a matter of months. Bodybuilders drink glasses and glasses a day in order to add mass quickly.

    Definitely get him to quick snacking too. No calories between meals. Let him eat what he wants** at meals, but no snacking.

    *(Of course, my uncle then began extolling the virtues of soy "milk", or bean juice, as it should be called.)
    **of primal foods, that is.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Northern California
    Shop Now
    My husband had a similar build as yours, now he weighs 227 and he's 6'2''. He's stalled in his weight loss a few times. This is what he's found that's helped him :
    1) he pretty much has stopped snacking, if he does snack he tries to eat something that is full of fat like high fat cheese. String cheese isn't rich enough.

    2) he stopped eating nuts and rarely eats fruits. Both were part of the snacking.

    3) Instead of breakfast he has coffee with heavy cream and waits to have his first meal when he's working around 12.

    4) he's eating smaller portions.

    At first he was very resistant to eating more fat he was sure it would him put him at risk for heart disease. I shared what I found at this website What I actually eat The Eating Academy | Peter Attia, M.D. The Eating Academy | Peter Attia, M.D. There is a lot of good information on this site, Peter Attia is a doctor and is researches everything.

    The biggest thing for my husband was getting off sugar, he'll overeat anything that's sweet, even fruit. I've come up with a bar for him we call fat bars and he finds them satisfying. I don't measure anything so here's what I put in them: coconut oil, coconut butter, about equal amounts, toasted walnuts, toasted coconut sometimes cocoa nibs and a just a touch of xylitol.
    Melt the oil and butter then mix in the other stuff pour on to a parchment lined pan and refrigerate until hard and break into pieces.

    Also he only drinks water, coffee and occasionally wine.
    Last edited by Urban Forager; 09-08-2012 at 06:01 PM.

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