Primal Journal - Kwayzar
Hello everyone, my name's Kevin.
I'm 20 and originally from the Twin Cities metro area.
I've been following this site for quite a while now. I made one journal post on here about a half a year ago, but I lost it and thought it would be better to start it over with a proper title. It has come to the point where I feel the need to make a journal, to express my thoughts that many times feel trapped in my mind, and also to mentally work through my challenges that I currently face, as well as dreams that I want to accomplish. Ultimately, I need a way to express myself, and I'm choosing this as my medium.
I'll start with where my primal journey began.
Roughly a year ago, in August of 2011, I was sitting in the living room of my old apartment musing over optimal health (like I do frequently) when thankfully, I asked myself the question: "why do we eat grains as a society if they are a product of the Neolithic Era, wouldn't we not have adapted to eating grains by now?"
Maybe I should go back a little bit farther.
Ever since I was a little kid I loved heroes, and I have always been extremely curious. Sure this probably isn't too unique, I think a lot of kids my age wanted to be a hero too. For me, heroes or superheros represented the ultimate human potential. The way they moved in their enviroment was inspiring. What I think was most fascinating for me however, was that they had full control over their bodies, rather than being trapped in them as so many people unfortunately are today.
This fascination for reaching full potential carried with me as I grew up throughout elementary and highschool. I dabbled in many different activities and sports growing up. I never thought I could be competing in the olympics, but my fascination for peak potential never left. My mind was opened to philosophy as I first watched the Matrix at age 13. I learned to appreciate letting go and relaxation as I experimented in meditation. All of the experiences that I had leading up to when I first discovered this website facilitated to understanding the concepts better.
That's why when I google searched "are grains neccesary" about a year ago, and after discovering this website, everything just clicked. In the following months as I read more of Mark's posts I started to experiment more.
The more Primal I've been, the better I've felt and looked. However for me it has been an up and down process, and still remains to be so up until this day. I might be doing really well for a couple weeks, and then boom a relapse sets in and I binge on unhealthy food for a few days, knocking down my energy levels and progress. Since my journey began, there are moments where I have felt amazing. Moments where I cook a meal and as I'm eating I want to shout to the world how good I feel, where my body is extremely lean and I have boundless clean energy. It feels so powerful yet peaceful at the same time.
Then, there are other instances where I go to the completely other side of the spectrum, where I give in to my impulses and feel absolutely sick from all of the food (and type of food) I shove down my throat in one sitting. Sometimes I have felt so sick where and bloated where I could barely even move. I now know what are some causes that might trigger these episodes, although sometimes I'm not exactly sure. If Im too tired, if I get too caught up in instant gratification, if I try to eat my emotions away, or if I eat large amounts of carbs in one sitting... the cravings come back. When this happens, I get depressed sometimes because I wonder "When are these relapses going to stop? When am I going to be stable?" I don't want my eating habits to be full of ups and downs for the rest of my life, and I don't want to feel like I'm being too extreme with my diet.
I also know that I have a huge tendency towards perfectionism, something that I think contributes to this problem. At the same time though, it keeps my dreams alive of being the healthiest I can be. I have never been considered "overweight", because I've always fluctuated 5 pounds at the most. I feel incredible lucky sometimes because I'm not at the point where I need 50+ pounds to lose. It's interesting, because on general appearance I look very fit compared to most and many people would satisfied if they were in the same shape I was in.. But I know I'm capable of SO much more. I'm on this planet to thrive after all. However rather than having a bunch of small ups and downs that keep me stagnated in my progress, I would like to make consistent gains with my physical health (as well as other facets of my health). I want to feel truly in control of my habits, and feel myself steadily realizing my goals. I hope to inspire people, and no better way to that than lead by example.
What I aspire to do is simple: be the best person that I can be. I know that primal living is a huge part of that.
More specifically however, I want to do these things:
-Eat primal at least 80% of the time, consistently.
-Develop strength and muscle (right now my goal is to be able to do a muscle up)
-Make meditation a regular part of my life (eventually everyday, for however long)
I feel that these things are building blocks to great health. Right now I think its a good start.
Some of the challenges that I'm facing right now at achieving this are due to that I'm currently studying abroad in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I'm trying to learn about the culture and improve my fluency in Spanish. This takes time and energy, which is something to take into consideration. Also, because I'm living with a host family I have to eat their dinners (not required, but Im paying a lot for it), so it will be very hard to eat 100% percent primal all of the time. Occasionally I will skip out of dinner if I really feel like eating my own food.
My study abroad started in the middle of July, and will end the following July of 2013. This whole experience, and how it affects my health goals, so far has been mentally occuping me a lot lately. It's very bitter sweet because I want to appreciate this cultural experience the most I can, but living Primal has been becoming increasingly more important for me. In some ways they conflict with eachother. The more Primal I try to be, the more I feel distant to the culture to some degree. I know this means for the time being I have to be more modest with my Primal goals so I don't beat myself up over "failures". At the very least, it would be great to have a steady schedule of working out, meditation, with discipline and consistency for eating clean. As passionate as I am about this, I also would not want to over obsess to the point where its unhealthy. Maybe someday living closer to my biological roots will be a bigger part of my life. And I hope to share a primal lifestyle with my next future girlfriend (this would be SO amazing), but who knows when that day might come. Right now in Bs As, it would be nice to at least meet some more people that share the same Primal values. Back in Minneapolis I opened the eyes of few people but none stayed as serious as I, maybe its cause we're all still young with no serious health problems (many people my age still take it for granted) or maybe I just haven't met the right people.
I'm going to post photos of how I am now to remind myself where I am and want to be. I will also add more of my thoughts and update this journal at least weekly to hold myself accountable for my goals.
Also, I want to say how thankful I am for knowing this awesome community, you all have truly inspired me! Thank you for taking the time to read my journal too.