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Thread: Am I a jerk or is the GF crazy? page 2

  1. #11
    Alex Good's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iniQuity View Post
    Hard to infer tone and all that stuff, also girls are just crazy man.

    Is she good in bed? ultimately that's all that matters.
    Wow, I first read that as "girls are crazy men" and was all like "are you calling me a girl?". Then I realized that my first thought sounded all mood swingy and got depressed by how accurate that statement would've been.
    In all of the universe there is only one person with your exact charateristics. Just like there is only one person with everybody else's characteristics. Effectively, your uniqueness makes you pretty average.

  2. #12
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    Dude, 95% confident she got mad because she's stressed out, not because of anything you specifically did or didn't say.

    But in general I find that it keeps grumpiness-prone women a lot happier if, instead of trying to fix whatever problem is "causing" their bad mood, you offer only sympathy and ask them if there is something you can do to help. As opposed to coming up with a solution on your own and offering it to them unsolicited.

    For some reason it just seems to be a super-common female/male source of miscommunication, where women are looking for validation or emotional support and men instead try to solve a problem for them.

    So if it were me (and I was thinking straight, which I often don't, with often-poor results), I would have written something like "Cool that lunch sounds really good! Anything I can do for you to help out?" and leave it at that.

    Just my several cents' worth.

    EDIT: LOL like 5 people responded more succinctly in the time it took me to write that. Too many wordz!
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  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by canio6 View Post
    He gave her praise ("Amazing!") and suggested further help asking if cortisol might be an issue (this is offering support) and he then offered to help with this (more support). Her response "OMFG I am a horrible stress monster who sucks at life! Now you have hurt my feelings!"

    Yeah, run.
    I also needed to hear this perspective. Often in relationships I have no outside perspective and can lose sight of reality or what is normal. I agree with you Canio but I understand her reaction as well, though honestly I could have never predicted it.
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  4. #14
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    I agree with owly on this one.

    It might also play into some of her specific insecurities. she might not feel good enough for you, and this process that you went down was a trigger for her.

    Also, she's under stress, so her interpretive abilities may not be fab right now.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Owly View Post
    Context matters. Do you frequently comment on her health? She may feel like you are overly critical of her choices and might have been wanting praise for her healthy choice rather than inferences about her cortisol.
    She is super healthy, active, the strongest girl in my crossfit gym - gluten free and 80%+ Paleo, terrific, healthy cook. I constantly shower her with praise (which is frowned upon from the male perspective I just can't help it I am totally nutso for her). She does have this perception that I have a superiority complex though or that I expect everyone to be perfect. Frankly there's probably a lot that's true to that. So she no doubt was trying to help herself out with her own problem, offered it to me to show me and then felt hurt when I was like "Good job. But also it's just that you are bat shit crazy with cortisol. Here I am solving your problem for you since you can't".

    I totally understand that.

    Never would have happened without text messaging.

    edit: and yeah she gets her period in the next week or so.
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  6. #16
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    It's kind of like this sometimes.



    But I agree with the others. The trick is TIMING. She was NOT READY for more advice. All she wanted was a gold star at that moment. In man terms, wait at least half an hour after saying "Good job" before saying anything like "here's what else might be wrong". Men, we compartmentalize everything we're told to deal with later, in our heads in our own time. The woman feels the blow of each idea all at once, and cannot comprehend how you could do that to her. You can tell a man, "Yeah, this steak is done correctly this time, but your eggs suck." and he'll hear ,"Good job on steak. Check. Eggs need work. Check." but say that to a woman and she hears, "even though you did an acceptable job with the steak, I'm still not satisfied or happy with you because you failed at making these eggs. You are an abject failure at this and no matter how hard you try, it's not going to be good enough. You don't love me."


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  7. #17
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    Meh, praise is awesome. I have a man I'm crazy over partly because I know he believes in me 100%. Don't buy into the idea that you shouldn't praise her. Don't worship at her feet, but be honestly positive about the good stuff.

    And yeah, texting is the worst way to have a fight. No tone, no body language, just pure misinterpretation.
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  8. #18
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    Knifegill's got it.

    Also- is she inclined to snark? I know that gets me in trouble in written formats all the time.
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  9. #19
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    Also, it's ok to say that you don't want to text anymore. People knwo that I'm terrible at it, and so I tell them to email me or call me or we can get together. but texting is terrible.

  10. #20
    Knifegill's Avatar
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    Or just throw your phone in the trash where it belongs. Okay, recycle it properly or whatever. Ditched my phone and don't miss it one bit.


    Turquoisepassion:
    Knifegill is christened to be high carb now!
    notontherug:
    the buttstuff...never interested.
    He gives me Lamprey Kisses in the midnight sea
    Flubby tubby gums latching onto me
    For all that I've done wrong, I mastodon something right...

    My pony picture thread http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread82786.html

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