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Thread: Primal Journal **Greensprout** page 84

  1. #831
    winencandy's Avatar
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    Primal Fuel
    Quote Originally Posted by Greensprout View Post
    And for anyone who has heard the continuing saga with my boys...here's another chapter. And another good hit on my cortisol level.

    Had to pick son #2 up from the principal's office a couple of hours ago. Lets just say more of the same, but what seems to be an escalation. Police were involved, as were a lot of kids, no charges, but there is a 3 day suspension. I'm not quite sure where to go this time at the homefront...he's obviously not in the mood to talk right now, which is fine, but I've told him I want his thoughts on helping me to decide how we should address this, rather than me just grounding him/taking his phone/selling him to the gypsies/locking him up in the basement forever/etc and him shutting down and hating me. And yes, hubby is out of town, but home late tonight.

    I'm still hoping this is just a bit of an extreme take on a phase that many 14 year old boys go through...Once again I'm not too sure where to go on this one.
    Aw, man, that's tough.

    Quote Originally Posted by Suse View Post
    By the way, the selling him to gypsies and lockign him in the basement forever, sounds like a really good plan
    Can we still do this?????



    I'll check my size...
    "Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
    "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Douglas Adams
    "Moderation sucks." Suse
    "Wine is a vegetable." Meaty
    "Every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns you into who you are tomorrow and the day after that." Cmdr Chris Hadfield


    Winencandy

  2. #832
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suse View Post
    hmmm hug on that one. kids!!. how is your husband going to take this when he gets home. Is this a bullying incident? Or is he in the "I'm just too cool" for everything stage. Is it the kids he hangs around with? sigh, I bet you are doing a lot of that, sighing, lately. Perhaps he just needs some really good counselling time.
    Hubby will be angry, but probably respond rationally. I was going to email him, but he's having a very long day of meetings, then a 2 hour drive to the airport and not getting home until around 11, so I chose to wait.
    Not bullying, definitely "too cool" and most definitely he is hanging with some of the wrong kids. And he does have to go to a few mandatory counselling/assessment sessions with a counsellor. Maybe that will be helpful. He did talk with me a bit, I'm not convinced at all he quite sees the potential impact of what's going on yet.

    Quote Originally Posted by Suse View Post
    By the way, the selling him to gypsies and lockign him in the basement forever, sounds like a really good plan
    I only wish that were an option!! (not really)
    Quote Originally Posted by Suse View Post
    I am no help whatsoever, but I do feel your pain.
    thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by winencandy View Post
    Aw, man, that's tough.
    Pretty much. And I know you've been there and survived to tell about it.


    Quote Originally Posted by winencandy View Post
    I'll check my size...
    Cool.

    I've let him out for a couple of hours this evening, maybe not a good idea, but I don't think doing otherwise would have been very good either. He's agreed to be home early. <another big sigh>

    Other kid is at work till 10 or so, I should be out digging in the garden. Maybe for a bit anyway. I did go out and buy some herbs to plant on the weekend.

    It seems I'm doomed to be stressed for a while longer. Just when I think things are maybe sorted out again...fuck.

  3. #833
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    Mine are a W37.
    "Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
    "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Douglas Adams
    "Moderation sucks." Suse
    "Wine is a vegetable." Meaty
    "Every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns you into who you are tomorrow and the day after that." Cmdr Chris Hadfield


    Winencandy

  4. #834
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    Quote Originally Posted by winencandy View Post
    Mine are a W37.
    Too bad. I kind of figured they'd be smaller, considering I'm 5 1/2 inches taller and my feet are not small!

    Both kids are now in. Gave the one some small projects for tomorrow (obviously he'll be home alone), plus he needs to come up with a plan for himself. Hubby's flight is delayed, won't be home until probably after midnight, so any big talk will have to wait until tomorrow. With any luck, I'll be asleep when he gets in.

    Eats:
    B: black coffee
    2pm: 2 chicken legs, bowl of mom's veggie soup. The last of the coconut (was really just "one serving" left in the bag).
    430pm: 2 pieces dark chocolate, about 8 almonds
    8pm: 2 small sausage patties (pork, homemade) topped with 2 jumbo runny eggs and guacamole. A couple of pork rinds in a bit more guacamole.
    One martini to toast the end of the day.

  5. #835
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    frankly I'm amazed at your fortitude, only 1 martini! I would have had a dozen with the day you're having.

    I'm confused over which son is which. Is son 2 (the problem one) the one that's also been talking about nutrition and lifting with you or is that son 1. And is son 2 the one that gave up the soccer?

  6. #836
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    Well, maybe 1.5 martinis. Had to wait until picking son #1 up from work.

    Son #1 is the nutrition focused, lifting boy who is learning to drive, doing great in school, has a girlfriend and is generally not a big issue at the moment.

    Son #2 is the one who dropped the elite soccer, still plays, but has strayed down a potentially dangerous path since last fall when he pulled out. He is still playing, but says he doesn't want the pressure he was feeling with his previous 6-7 days a week of training, some days with multiple sessions. I think he felt a bit unfocused since then and chose the wrong friends who are going in the very wrong direction.

  7. #837
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    I'm really sorry to hear about your troubles with your kids. I am really not looking forward to my kids hitting the teenage years, I have zero patience with bad attitude and I can see many many fights in our future. I really should work on letting things go a little before we get there!

    I hope that you can find a way to get him past this stage without killing him or selling him to the gypsies.

  8. #838
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    Quite the effing evening I've had. And have managed to not either kill, imprison, or sell the kid. And I have to give hubby a hell of a lot of credit for not exploding and having a rational calm discussion, even if I had to reel him in a couple of times and I know damn well what he wanted to do.

    To make a long story short, the kid went out and then texted me that he was really stressing over everything that happened, and didn't want to come home to fighting about it, so he was going to stay "somewhere safe" for a few days and then come home. WTF??????????????? Convinced him to meet us outside to talk, eventually chose to let him stay for the next 2 nights with a friend, and we proceeded to take a few things over to the friend's house and meet with the parents (the friend was also involved in yesterday's events). The parents okay with this, will keep tabs on them and we can check in anytime. So now I at least feel FAR more comfortable with this...certainly not okay with it, but I truly feel it was a compromise we had to make and relieved that I know he will be at a safe place with parental supervision. Otherwise, I wouldn't have slept a wink until we knew where he was and probably would have to resort to some drastic measures that I'd rather not have to do. I really think the kid was not expecting us to react this way, and am hopeful that he'll come home on Saturday prepared to finally talk. I really do hope so.

    I spent a few hours completely furious before things settled down, and managed to give myself a nice headache in the process (I used to get tension headaches quite regularly, but are rare now). I am calmer, but far from settled at the moment. I feel very tired. Probably didn't help that I didn't eat anything until dinner either. 2 jumbo eggs, sausage, spinach, guacamole.

    Stopped at the grocery on the way home as other kid needed milk, and hubby needed ice cream. I looked at chocolate, and ice cream, and chose to buy strawberries instead. I have a bit of dark chocolate if I need it at home. And a tequila and soda.

    Hopefully we'll get past this really shitty place and move onto a better things without it getting worse first. I'm trying to not take this as a reflection on my parenting ability or some fault in my own character. I know that sounds illogical, but the feeling is hard to ignore. I realize he is his own person and makes his own choices that are not my fault. I wonder where my adorable little boy that used to call me in response to my pet name for him "his momberrypiegirl". Don't think she's here anymore.

  9. #839
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    Oh that makes me sad... He will come around and no, he'll probably never call you that again, but you guys will work this out and move past it. Relationships change all the time, especially the ones we have with our kids and parents. This is just a transition period for you I'm sure.

    It is definitely not a reflection of your parenting ability! Your other son is doing just fine isn't he? My daughter is having behavioural issues at school and my son just won yet another award for acedemic excellence along with a certificate for his 'getting along' skills. If my parenting skills are to blame for my daughter, then how come my son is doing so well? The nature vs nurture argument comes heavily down on nature if you ask me. You raise your kids the same, you love them the same, they do not turn out the same.

    Anyway ((((hugz)))) I hope this phase is over very soon.

  10. #840
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    oh dear. It is just so hard isnt it. Teenagers are a law unto themselves... god knows I was! How my parents coped. If he can just stay out of trouble with the law, and by that I mean not break the law, not not get caught, then he'll be ok I'm sure.

    Yeah as Em says, its not your parenting. I've got a really good friend, her and her brothers are totally different, she's a goody good, her eldest brother is a whinger - both incredibly talented at what they do, and her middle brother is a drug addict with no future. Chalk, cheese, chalk. Same wonderful parents who I'm sure spent a great deal of time wondering where they went wrong. There is no answer.

    Hope things look brighter in the morning.

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