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  1. #641
    Suse's Avatar
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    you are not a horrible parent, you are a wonderful parent. repeat this 1 million times.

    kids are shits, not just yours. you do what you have to do. and you are the adult and dont have to explain yourself to him. I wish I had answers for you, it must be very worrying when you see your kids starting to come off the rails. my mum and dad had it with one of my brothers who used to steal cars as a teenager and ended up in prison. he's got a real chip on his shoulder. as a teenager i probably didnt make their life a hell of a lot easier, I was just a naughty stop out. when I started to get mixed up with a "bad crowd" they shipped me off to another town to go to Polytech. best thing that ever happened.

    hugs.

  2. #642
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greensprout View Post
    I'm a horrible parent, or at least that's what part of my head is saying.
    Quote Originally Posted by Suse View Post
    you are not a horrible parent, you are a wonderful parent. repeat this 1 million times.
    +15834729368293562

    Quote Originally Posted by Greensprout View Post
    I read some of the kid's texts yesterday when he had left his phone out and was at a game.
    I've done it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Greensprout View Post
    I shouldn't have breached his privacy, on the other hand, I'm the parent, damn it, and I have every right when he's already given us reasons to not trust him. And I confirmed some of my suspicions. So there.
    Yes, you had every right.

    Quote Originally Posted by Greensprout View Post
    Had me stressed all last night and distracted me today at work. Confided to hubby on the way home what happened, and we confronted the kid when we got home. Expectations and concerns are all laid on the table. He's angry with me, but I'm supposed to be his mom, not his friend, after all, aren't I? I'm acting out of love and concern and worry and all that crap. I don't expect him to see that for maybe 20 years or so, but I do feel kind of better. Not good, but not so bad. I don't know where this is going, but I guess it's better to have been honest.

    *%^&$#@*
    You are the mom, you are doing the right thing. He'll see it...eventually...

    Quote Originally Posted by Greensprout View Post
    And the kid has been quiet, but is responding when I talk to him without hostility. I think the confrontation took him completely by surprise. Good. Maybe it'll make some impact before things go too far.
    This will work out OK.
    "Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
    "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Douglas Adams
    "Moderation sucks." Suse
    "Wine is a vegetable." Meaty
    "Every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns you into who you are tomorrow and the day after that." Cmdr Chris Hadfield


    Winencandy

  3. #643
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    Quote Originally Posted by marcadav View Post
    I'm sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your struggles.
    Thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Suse View Post
    you are not a horrible parent, you are a wonderful parent. repeat this 1 million times.

    kids are shits, not just yours. you do what you have to do. and you are the adult and dont have to explain yourself to him. I wish I had answers for you, it must be very worrying when you see your kids starting to come off the rails. my mum and dad had it with one of my brothers who used to steal cars as a teenager and ended up in prison. he's got a real chip on his shoulder. as a teenager i probably didnt make their life a hell of a lot easier, I was just a naughty stop out. when I started to get mixed up with a "bad crowd" they shipped me off to another town to go to Polytech. best thing that ever happened.

    hugs.
    Yes, I know I'm not a bad parent, I guess it's that twisted mind thing where we want stuff to be perfect, and then having a kid go astray sometimes feels like a direct reflection on your parenting skills. I always respected his privacy until I had reasons to breach that. I can't control everything he does, we stressed to him that the biggest issue is we need him to be SAFE.

    Quote Originally Posted by winencandy View Post
    +15834729368293562


    Quote Originally Posted by winencandy View Post
    I've done it.
    I didn't think I was the only one. I felt really guilty while I did it.


    Quote Originally Posted by winencandy View Post
    Yes, you had every right.
    I'm starting to think so. We pay for the damn thing, and he has it so we can reach him and him us.


    Quote Originally Posted by winencandy View Post
    You are the mom, you are doing the right thing. He'll see it...eventually...
    I hope so. Sooner rather than later would be nice.

    Quote Originally Posted by winencandy View Post
    This will work out OK.
    I hope that too. Can't keep him chained up in the house anyway. Not very practical or realistic. We did let him go to a movie last night, took him there and he had a ride home from another parent. He's with his friends at the moment. I have to trust him a bit. Not convinced he's not lying through his teeth, but not much I can do about that. He has to figure this out and do the right thing.

  4. #644
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    Yesterday' foods:
    B: black coffee
    L: (2pm) 2 HB eggs, a tin of tuna, bit of shredded coconut.
    D: (945 pm) 12 oz steak, yes, I ate it all. Sauteed mushrooms, grilled asparagus. A NorCal margarita, shared a bottle of Australian pinot noir.
    Later, a bit of ice cream and more wine.

    I was tracking on fitday until the ice cream, was up just over 1900 cal with loads of protein, reasonable fat & low carbs.

    Today I bought some new sports bras and a face mask. Girl stuff.

    Found a few nice meats at the butcher for this week: tritip roast, I cut I rarely see and haven't used before, a lovely pork butt roast, some beef jerky and some frozen duck breasts which are currently thawing while I look up a recipe for tonight.

    At the grocery checkout, an older lady was in front of me. She looked at my stuff (mostly veg, some dairy, fruit, chicken wings, etc) and commented "I'd lost faith in younger peoples' ability to cook...usually it's all premade packaged stuff...you've restored my hope in youngsters".

  5. #645
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    Today's eats:
    B: coffee with cream, one pepperoni stick
    S: a huge strawberry
    D: salad of mixed greens with balsamic vinaigrette, sliced strawberries, pine nuts and a balsamic duck breast. Very yummy. 2 NorCal margaritas and some cabernet.

    When I was sports bra shopping, I obviously had some time in the mirrored changeroom wearing low rise jeans and bras. I was rather pleased that I was looking pretty good...the midsection is getting really toned, though there's some not so ideal loose skin hanging about, there is obvious fat loss under that skin to make it look loose. And the shoulders/arms/back are looking pretty darn good. I admit that I spent a bit of time posing...reveling in the fact that I'll be 43 next week and am looking better than most women I know that age. The lifting is working well. Highly recommended.

  6. #646
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    At the grocery checkout, an older lady was in front of me. She looked at my stuff (mostly veg, some dairy, fruit, chicken wings, etc) and commented "I'd lost faith in younger peoples' ability to cook...usually it's all premade packaged stuff...you've restored my hope in youngsters".
    Nice one!
    When I was sports bra shopping, I obviously had some time in the mirrored changeroom wearing low rise jeans and bras. I was rather pleased that I was looking pretty good...the midsection is getting really toned, though there's some not so ideal loose skin hanging about, there is obvious fat loss under that skin to make it look loose. And the shoulders/arms/back are looking pretty darn good. I admit that I spent a bit of time posing...reveling in the fact that I'll be 43 next week and am looking better than most women I know that age. The lifting is working well. Highly recommended.
    Brilliant! I need to try the lifting. I've got to stop using my shoulder as an excuse to not do anything.

  7. #647
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    Yes, Suse, you should get lifting. Makes a huge difference. I like the defined feminine muscled look. Definitely more work to do on that front, but seeing progress is very encouraging.

    The kid seems to be doing okay. He has been out with friends, but everything seems to be in order. I can only hope. He's doing the stuff we've asked him to do at home with not a lot of grumbling and isn't hostile. I think he's surprised we didn't come down on him harder, and might be realizing that it's up to him to act responsibly in order to have our trust. Of course, I may be delusional on this, but maybe not.

    So far today I've eaten steak & eggs (cooked in the fat I saved from last night's duck...yummy), a couple of strawberries and a piece of beef jerky. Had a bit more wine than necessary last night, so am not too energetic today. I've decided to keep Monday's vacation day to get a few things done around the house (or not), work on my next essay/paper (due Fri) and generally relax. Will probably go in on Tues and save that day for another time. Planning on primal hot wings for dinner.

    I've browsed through most of the curly girl book. So today was hair cleaning day (the usual BS/ACV that I've been doing), and followed some of the techniques in the book for wavy hair, didn't comb after washing, added some aveda styling foam stuff that I haven't used in months, and dried it with the diffuser and finished with air drying. Holy crap, I didn't realize there was actually that much curl in there. Not nice and neat and so on, but an interesting start. I won't be able to do this every day, as for work I have to wear it neatly up (so combing is necessary), but I'll have to work more on this curly thing. Might be even more interesting as it grows longer.

  8. #648
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greensprout View Post
    A NorCal margarita
    I think I might need to know how you make this....

    Quote Originally Posted by Greensprout View Post
    At the grocery checkout, an older lady was in front of me. She looked at my stuff (mostly veg, some dairy, fruit, chicken wings, etc) and commented "I'd lost faith in younger peoples' ability to cook...usually it's all premade packaged stuff...you've restored my hope in youngsters".
    Nice And she called you a "youngster"

    Quote Originally Posted by Greensprout View Post
    When I was sports bra shopping, I obviously had some time in the mirrored changeroom wearing low rise jeans and bras. I was rather pleased that I was looking pretty good...the midsection is getting really toned, though there's some not so ideal loose skin hanging about, there is obvious fat loss under that skin to make it look loose. And the shoulders/arms/back are looking pretty darn good. I admit that I spent a bit of time posing...reveling in the fact that I'll be 43 next week and am looking better than most women I know that age. The lifting is working well. Highly recommended.
    This is great! I'm "only" doing body weights right now, I may have to change that.
    But I've noticed lately that I don't quite hate myself as much in the mirror

    Quote Originally Posted by Greensprout View Post
    The kid seems to be doing okay. He has been out with friends, but everything seems to be in order. I can only hope. He's doing the stuff we've asked him to do at home with not a lot of grumbling and isn't hostile. I think he's surprised we didn't come down on him harder, and might be realizing that it's up to him to act responsibly in order to have our trust. Of course, I may be delusional on this, but maybe not.
    Hopefully not

    Quote Originally Posted by Greensprout View Post
    I've browsed through most of the curly girl book. So today was hair cleaning day (the usual BS/ACV that I've been doing), and followed some of the techniques in the book for wavy hair, didn't comb after washing, added some aveda styling foam stuff that I haven't used in months, and dried it with the diffuser and finished with air drying. Holy crap, I didn't realize there was actually that much curl in there. Not nice and neat and so on, but an interesting start. I won't be able to do this every day, as for work I have to wear it neatly up (so combing is necessary), but I'll have to work more on this curly thing. Might be even more interesting as it grows longer.
    Isn't it freaky how well it works?
    "Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
    "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Douglas Adams
    "Moderation sucks." Suse
    "Wine is a vegetable." Meaty
    "Every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns you into who you are tomorrow and the day after that." Cmdr Chris Hadfield


    Winencandy

  9. #649
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    Quote Originally Posted by winencandy View Post
    I think I might need to know how you make this....
    Robb Wolf's recipe. 3 oz (or whatever) tequila, the juice of a whole lime, he says a few oz of club soda, I use the whole can. I like it

    Quote Originally Posted by winencandy View Post
    This is great! I'm "only" doing body weights right now, I may have to change that.
    But I've noticed lately that I don't quite hate myself as much in the mirror
    Didn't you used to have a sledgehammer under the sofa until the farmer found it?

    Quote Originally Posted by winencandy View Post
    Isn't it freaky how well it works?
    I was hella suprised. I think I need some conditioning. I scrunched in some jojoba oil this evening and it's less frizzy looking. I've only been using ACV following the BS for the past 8 months, aside from 2 shampoos/condition at the salon when colouring. Need to find one of those good sorts the book describes without the added crap. I wish they'd recommended brands...been doing some googling, but it's a bit confusing. How's this working for you?

  10. #650
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greensprout View Post
    Robb Wolf's recipe. 3 oz (or whatever) tequila, the juice of a whole lime, he says a few oz of club soda, I use the whole can. I like it
    Thanks, of course, tequila is not my friend...(or it hasn't been in the past), maybe this way we could get reacquainted??


    Quote Originally Posted by Greensprout View Post
    Didn't you used to have a sledgehammer under the sofa until the farmer found it?
    Yes
    I think its out in the barn...maybe I should "rescue" it???


    Quote Originally Posted by Greensprout View Post
    I was hella suprised. I think I need some conditioning. I scrunched in some jojoba oil this evening and it's less frizzy looking. I've only been using ACV following the BS for the past 8 months, aside from 2 shampoos/condition at the salon when colouring. Need to find one of those good sorts the book describes without the added crap. I wish they'd recommended brands...been doing some googling, but it's a bit confusing. How's this working for you?
    Its working pretty good I'm happier with my hair than I've been in a long time

    I found this website. Its full of ads, but it has some information and some customer reviews of different curly products. Right now I use this conditioner (it's inexpensive) and this product (My mom, a retired hairdresser, gave it to me for Christmas).
    Last edited by winencandy; 03-21-2011 at 05:58 AM. Reason: fixing links :)
    "Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
    "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Douglas Adams
    "Moderation sucks." Suse
    "Wine is a vegetable." Meaty
    "Every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns you into who you are tomorrow and the day after that." Cmdr Chris Hadfield


    Winencandy

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