I can resist anything...except temptation
And, even that wasn't so bad today. I had to pour at a wine event for a couple of hours today. Lots of tray-passed appetizers. Tuna tartar was a go, the rest not so much (pizza, meatballs made with bread crumbs, sliders). It wasn't hard to stay strong. In truth, I wasn't tempted.
Last few days have been great. Eating well and enough, sleeping great, walked a few miles yesterday, gym today with great form on squats and planks, nice sprint. Love my CSA box with lots of yummy organic veggies like kale, arugula, delicata squash, sweet potatoes, GF ground beef and NY strip. It's great because I am eating so well and for far less than Whole Foods.
Have started looking at guest houses. Such a change. Am ready to move on with my life. Will be odd to not be part of a couple, but I can NOT wait. Yay!!!! It's been an easy go, so far. May it continue as such.
Cheers to a great week ahead!
Dream a little dream for me
Long but good week. Some amazing workouts in which I really focused on form. Good food, light hunger. Heh, I always subscribed to the "eat every four hours" concept and felt light headed if I didn't have food in front of me at exactly the four hour mark. Hilarious. I no longer get that empty/spacy feeling, no more ice cold sweats. And, no more reactive hypoglycemia! Yes, that's right kids. Take away the grains, and voila.
Just had bacon and pastured eggs for breakfast and off to the movies by myself shortly. No work out. I have a couple of bruised bones in my palm and the face of it is an icky greenish/purple colour. Hurts and is molto tender! No clue how or where it happened. Motrin is my friend...
No imagination today, not a moment of clever.
The light flipped on, and finally someone is home
Damned auto-pilot. Me, I mean. My intrinsic ability to focus is a beautiful thing but can lend a very narrow perspective in my life. Tunnel vision, horse blinders, forest/trees.
For the past three months, give or take, I've been struggling with thoughts that I need a new job. This on the heels of accepting my current job after much wooing on their part, only to find out that the position's earning ability (commission only) had been somewhat misrepresented <insert jaded laugh here>. Cue the panic button, dial the recruiter, break out the worry beads. Ha, I say. Ha, ha, and ha.
Starting about two years ago, I've been asking, praying and dreaming for a position that wasn't 50-60 hours a week. A job that didn't suck out my last shred of sane humanity or creativity. Something that would give me the opportunity to pursue my other dreams. Dreams that were my true calling and passion. Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls (Joseph Campbell). And, here I am. Blind until this moment to the fact that I just got exactly what I'd been hoping for.
Now I can get back to voice over work. Cut a demo for it and start auditioning. I am free to promote my Dad's novel that he wrote before he died. My Father was a Pathfinder in WW2 and went on to be a television writer. He started out writing for shows that were before my time like Checkmate, The US Steel Hour, Dick Powell Presents. Went on to writing episodic television and then, in his last year of his life, he rewrote his war movie as a novel. Heaven's Pavement, that he named after a John Milton poem. It's magical and lyrical and a sort of Treasure of the Sierra Madre couched in other lands. And, now I have time to pitch it, promote it, Social Media it.
I'd also like to write some sort of a blog. A monetized sort of thing. Sadly, wine blogs are never monetized. They're thought of as "adult content" so Google Adsense won't pony up. The one area in which I actually know something is the one sort of blog that doesn't generate income. Spiffy. Surely there has to be some other topic to write about.
Thinking cap is on! And, I am just thrilled to have had this massive epiphany about my life. I actually feel hungry for the first time in a while. No longer feel keyed up, knotted up, tense. Just good to go.
My grandpa always told me to be careful of what I asked for because I'd very likely get it. And you know what? He was right!
Last edited by Grokalicious; 11-17-2012 at 06:23 PM.
The ouchiness of now...
I am struggling to smile this evening. Oh, I am managing to do so in my own wan way but my heart isn't in it and I'm completely hollow in my attempts. Somehow, I either bruised my palm, gave myself a stress fracture or some odd contusion/hematoma sort of thing. It's likely to remain a mystery as my insurance doesn't kick in until January. It's tender, painful to the touch but not terrifically swollen. There is, however, a deep looking bruise that doesn't appear as though it's anywhere remotely near the surface of my palm. No pain on the top of the hand but a nice little lump of ouch between the middle and ring fingers at the top of the palm. It only hurts when I touch it directly but any pressure on it just sends me straight up in the air. It aches almost exquisitely, much like the pain of one's first loose tooth as a wee child. In all seriousness, I am actually really hurting, borderline weepy and out of sorts.
So, no lifting heavy things for a while. Trying to figure out creative ways to work out that don't include using my hands. I shall be the veritable Queen of planks and either long slow cardio or short sprinty cardio. According to my crazed googling, if it's a bruise, hematoma, or contusion I should heal up in a couple of weeks, max. If it turns out to be a stress fracture? Well, I may be out of commission a little longer. Seeing a Doctor won't do anything unless the fracture is worse than a simple stress fracture. For a stress fracture or bruise/contusion they will tell me to elevate it, alternate ice and heat and don't do anything that might make it worse. See? I didn't need insurance after all <sigh>. Thankfully, this too shall pass and will soon enough be a dim memory. Don't let the bastages get you down.
I saw Mr. Man of my Dreams yesterday as I did two weeks ago. He looked handsome and was very sweet to me. Looks like I will likely move in with a friend in January. I told him but, to be honest, he will believe it when he sees it. I've said it for so long. Once upon a time when I first grew disillusioned with J, I fancied another man who I saw frequently as a friend. After we weren't around one another because of a change in my work sitch, he'd call me every six months to see if I had left J yet. One day, the last day I spoke to him, he called to tell me he could no longer wait for me and that he had met a lovely woman. He's still with her and still happy. My turn. I have deeper feelings for Mr. Man than I did for the fellow years ago, so I need to do this.
So, off to my hot date with a bottle of Motrin tonight (wheee) and then off to bed, to the gym in the morning and on to a busy but, hopefully, fruitful day. Just think, soon enough I shall be posting that the last vestiges of ouchiness have all but disappeared. And, I will be back to my somewhat more than hollow self. Yay.
This suspense is terrible, I hope it will last. Oscar Wilde
I do feel a lot of suspense with my life right now. In a really good way. Lots of adventures ahead! Yes.
Hand hurts and the pain, in fact, awakened me on and off last night. It does seem to be a hematoma. Just a very localized pain with swelling that comes and goes. Ah, but this too shall pass. I look at this as a reason to finally take a real week off from lifting weights which is something I never do, but should. Had no hunger today. Made myself eat though. A slice of bacon, couple of eggs with chiles and avocado, coffee. No lunch. A few nibbles of roasted chicken that I managed to overcook and a wee salad. Hoping for hunger tomorrow. Beautiful grass fed standing rib roast, green beans fried in bacon fat. Yum.
The shared house is a no-go. She neglected to tell me that she lives right under several electrical towers which I consider dangerous as do many medical studies. She also lives on the corner of a busy intersection. Am disappointed but also sure I will find something perfect. This was a kick in the arse to put more energy (in a smart way) into my work. I feel rather galvanized, upbeat and ready to take the world by the proverbial ba**s.
Can't help but feel a bit excited as, once again, I get to see Mr. Man of my Dreams this Sunday. You know what? Nothing could ever happen and I would still have so much fun with him. I just love the banter and ease coupled with that undercurrent of sexual chemistry. I've been very conscious of men in my dating pool and am seeing not so many potential candidates for dating. Ha. Although he'd do very nicely, of course.
Off for a long walk in the morning along the Paseos. A balmy 74 degrees is forecast and I can't wait. Some planks before breakfast and I feel as though I have a lot to be thankful for. How very lucky am I? I have my health, I feel amazing aside from the palm thingy, have lovely friends that care very much for me. I have a job that affords me time to do other things as well as the opportunity to make as much money as I want. I get to see Mr. Handsome fairly often. And, because of living primally, have never looked or felt better in my life.
Last edited by Grokalicious; 11-22-2012 at 11:15 AM.
Thanks for the upbeat post, Lish. Hope you don't mind if I harvest a bit of vicarious vibe from you!
That's what it's all about. Gleaning some goodness from others! Have a great Thanksgiving!!
Originally Posted by Diogenes
Last edited by Grokalicious; 11-22-2012 at 10:45 AM.
The remains of the day...
Let's just all agree that Rib Roasts Rule! Even though I am not the Queen, or even Princess, of domesticity, the rib roast that I made was amazing. I smeared it with minced garlic and pepper (no salt until after as it draws out moisture) and damn, it was fall-off-the bone deliciousness (a huge thanks to the Butcher and his cooking instructions). Threw in some red potatoes and garlic and shallots. Pan fried some green beans. And, for those that aren't primal, I made rolls from scratch and pumpkin pie with my Grandma's famous crust. And, stayed strong. Had one bite of the pumpkin part of the pie and, although it was tasty, found it way too sweet. Now all I have to do is figure out something cool to do with rib roast leftovers. Had a nice long walk along the paseo and will hit the gym at some point on this lazy Friday.
My palm still hurts but the circumference of pain has grown smaller. I do believe we call that progress! Will do planks at the gym and see if I can handle holding a dumbbell, or not. Or doing some light bench work. Every day a little better!
Some issues with my Mom bubbling up of late. It's hard to be an only child, to have been a Daddy's girl and have him die. I wish I was closer to her, or, at the very least, that we had a more simpatico communication style with one another. Not to be. Oil and water. Eh, they just don't mix no matter how much you try. We've actually had a moratorium on speaking on the phone since last Sunday. And, oddly enough, email does seem a better venue for communication. I wish I could do more for her. Anyway, enough of that. Love conquers all, so let's just hope for the best.
A gorgeous day out, after a trip to the gym, I am going to create a twitter account for my Dad's novel and start following WW2 Twitter folk. I need to draft a pitch to HBO (remember, I say to DREAM BIG). My Dad poured his heart into that novel, it's well written and should be out there. I like promoting things. That's what I do best. Not sales so much, but marketing is right up my alley!
The Incredible Lightness of Being
I've decided to do a Whole 30 and although it would be easier to start on the first of the month, I shall start tomorrow. Just to be different. Just to give in to my impulsive self. The thought of impending deprivation makes me want to do something dramatic and over-the-top to offset the madness, to go out "with a bang." But nothing comes to mind. I think my big thing is that I love, love, love a good challenge. Any challenge.
I'm not even sure how non compliant I've been, or not been, but figure this will be prophylactic and prevent any sort of holiday weight gain. This is the busiest time of year in the wine biz so in the past it's been easy to make poor food choices because I was often too busy to eat at normal times and would end up starving and eager to eat anything and everything set before me once I had a moment to do so. Now, eating primally with lots of good fats, I can go for hours without eating. Still, committing to a Whole 30 makes sense. I can do this.
Caught a glimpse of my back in the mirror post shower tonight. I can't believe how nice and muscley my back looks! Nice striation in upper back but still super feminine. Managed to use the machine at the gym today that assists you with pull ups, chin ups, and dips. My palm was okay as I gripped differently. Only a slight wince of pain so by this time next week I should be golden. And, I think I will be able to do 3 unassisted pull ups by December 31 which has been my big dream.
I realise that weight loss is not the main goal with a Whole 30 but, to be honest, I am determined to drop something! I'm aiming for 6 lbs, just to put it out there.
Time to pay the piper..
Blegh. Slippery slopes and me. Why, we are best friends. Or, so it would seem because I have been slip-sliding all over the slipperiest of slopes. And while it's been fun (I'm tight pals with adrenaline rushes too), it hasn't done much for my body. I've talked myself into every ridiculous cheat that has happened. And, honey, it's the same one daily. I am the Groundhog Day cheater. Chai lattes at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. Every. Day. I would rationalize it by having whole milk. HUH? And Hahahaaha. I made it worse by declaring I was no longer going to weigh myself and I didn't. Until today to start off my Whole 37 (37 days until the New Year, so better than a Whole 30). Was sure I was misreading the scale, but not so.
And, now for utter and complete accountability. My weight is 140.6 (Chai latte, anyone?). Waist is 29.5, hips 37.5 (????), bust is 35, left thigh 22.5, right a little bigger. I feel galvanized. And will keep my goal in sight to inspire me through this. I've never quit dairy before. Always had to have it in my coffee or a piece of cheese as a snack. To hell with them both. Black coffee today. Avocado slice as a snack. Why shouldn't I encourage those lovely muscles in my back and bum?
So, since I am nothing if not competitive, alpha, and driven, I will say that in 37 days I plan on doing a lot. As follows:
Goals by 12/31
Hips: (they shrink quickly) 36
And, no whining! Heheh. Just glad my eyes were opened now and not a month from now. Let's just see how close I get to hitting my goals. I'm betting I exceed them.
And, a promise to post before/during photos on January 1st. There, I said it.