The Look Great/Feel Amazing Journey of Grokalicious! page 6

[Grokalicious]

Oh, I hate that!

Ha! Missed your post somehow. Hey, don't pick on my bon mots!

[Grokalicious]

What a crazy emotional roller coaster of a day which completely wiped out any traces of hunger that I might have had. I received an email from the recruiter saying that the winery to whom he submitted my résumé was pretty much behind another candidate. I was a bit gutted at first. Then I started pondering that if things aren't a good fit then it would be a case of frying pan/fire. This mollified me but I was still a little down...

Until I returned home from work and checked my email after setting up my new wireless printer...and lo and behold, I had an email from a winery responding to my own submission. Ultra premium, they want to set up a meeting and maybe, just maybe my life will change. Still not hungry. Now am too excited.

Day off from working out. I've worked out hard the past three days and am actually sore and tired. Hitting the gym in the morning before another long day.

It will be interesting to see how I do when I get the new job as all of these positions are travel heavy. Will have to be creative with workouts and food!

[Grokalicious]

Sometimes my choices seem to fall out from under me, pitching me forward and down a slippery slope over which I seem to have little or no control. You see, I fancy myself a person with a sunny disposition who chooses to see the opportunity within every difficulty but this week has been a challenge. And, for the first time ever, I craved comfort food!

Such a roller coaster. The ebullience of having someone choose me to be one of 5 candidates for a job for which he received somewhere between 300 and 400 resumes is what started my week. Flattering? Yes. I had a brilliant chat with him on the phone and since the position would require relocating back to Napa, he requested that I mull it over a couple of days and then call him back and we would set up a meeting at his winery. I phoned him this morning and he said he was seriously thinking of hiring someone who was currently working as an intern for him. They had spoken at great length yesterday. The intern knows his wines, his winery and so on but has zero sales experience. I reminded him what he liked about my experience and work connections although not too much as it didn't feel right somehow. Anyway, the managers from the distributor I used to work for are going up there on Saturday. I left on great terms, they all loved me in spite of my penchant for always questioning authority (I was a team player and great at sales). Perhaps they will sing my praises. Or, perhaps this is all a sign that he didn't want to pay my salary range and an intern would cost him less. So, the take away is that I am obviously qualified and just need the right position to come about. Not so many of those positions this time of year, as everyone wants those holiday bonuses.

Not enough working out as I am once again riddled with insomnia. No horrid food choices but a slight slip of brown rice sushi. And, as mentioned, I was craving comfort food today. It's been a little foray into knee jerk reactions which usually aren't part of my repertoire. I'm hard on myself. This I know. My Mum tells me that I need to be as kind to myself as I am to my friends which sounds amazing in theory but impossible in practice. Craptastic.

This week is over, thankfully, and I will get what I want. I need a whole life overhaul!!!!

And a newly minted resolution to kick some primal ass this week! Again, I sound disjointed in this blog entry. I am. The week has sapped my focus!

[Grokalicious]

Lazy day in some ways, pretty intense in others. Walked determinedly along the paseo, warm breeze playing with my hair, blue endless skies, a lovely 84 degrees. Five and a half miles, plenty of time to contemplate my age old question of "what's next." I despise stasis. Can't stand the thought of not reaching for the moon, the stars, whatever. Envy those who are content. Not a term I'd ever use to describe my feelings in any long term way. But perhaps...

I did reach the decision that I am going to stop treating my life like some old hound dog worrying a bone to pieces. Just cruise for a while and let events simply unfold before me without figuring out how to react given any and every contingency. Ahhhhh. This could actually work quite nicely and fit well into the whole concept of playing more (and worrying less, or not at all).

Am eating well, lots of fat, decent amount of protein, veggies. Not a huge fan of autumn fruits so giving those a miss right now.

The walk today was awesome, a nice environment in which to embrace my new attitude.

Out for a bit with friends this evening, off to the gym to lift in the morning. Life is good!

[Grokalicious]

Another day, another great workout. Food hit the spot too with eggs and bacon for breakfast, apple for lunch (not hungry!) and broccoli with butter and garlic and primal meatballs with grass fed beef, scallions, coconut milk, garlic, ginger. Baked them and then finished them by broiling to brown. Moist and flavorful. Sated woman here.

This week should be fairly amazing. Tomorrow off from workouts, Tuesday is weights and a sprint at night, Wednesday is slow cardio for an hour, Thursday is weights, Friday more slow cardio, Saturday either weights or a hike. Sunday I am getting my hair done at 10 am so may not work out.

Seems I actually do best with the higher fat levels. Pretty sure I didn't eat enough food today, but it's another hot day in the suburbs of Los Angeles.

Figured out why I had insomnia. Was taking 2 Thyroid supplements every day (Tyrosine and Iodine) and it just jacked me UP. Cut it to 1 pill and, voila. Sleeping like a babe. Yay!

Two months in and never happier. Loads of energy and great moods, no clue what I weigh but I am in smallest size in ages. Oh yeh!!

[Grokalicious]

A rough day emotionally yesterday. Can't figure out why two people did 180 degree turns on me professionally in the past week. The recruiter lied. As mentioned in a previous post, he had contacted me to let me know that the winery to whom he presented my résumé had hired someone. Nope. I saw an advert for the position on an industry specific job board dated two days ago. And, the Napa winery owner who I had contacted directly with a cover letter and resume was head over heels about my experience etc and then two days later decided his intern (!!!) would be the best fit for the sales job opening. As Hamlet once said (or didn't, who knows), something is rotten in the state of Denmark. So, perhaps we have coincidence. Perhaps the recruiter was let go from finding someone for the NZ winery and wanted to save face with me. And maybe the Napa winery owner was indeed trying to save a buck or two. Or, and this is what puts me off, could someone on my reference list not exactly be waxing poetic over me??

I am moving on with this. Either something comes up before the eight month Pilates certificate course starts in March or it's time for a career change to Pilates. It is what it is and I will make the most of either possibility. I'd rather see the opportunity in my difficulties as opposed to the other way around.

I ate organic popcorn yesterday. Crunchy stress buster, carb laden kernels. A blip in the road. The beauty of this primal lifestyle is that you are one meal away from being back on track. Am about to fry up some pastured eggs in coconut oil and eat some bacon and avocado. Ahhhhhh.

Sprint tonight at the gym along with planks.

[Grokalicious]

Yes. Type A. That is me. Wouldn't change a thing. But, I also realize that getting close to my primal goals about how I look and feel leaves me with a gaping hole (girl hates stasis!). The missing piece? Fun. Oh, I have fun and joke around with people throughout the course of my day. Call me the Queen of double entendre. Love to tease and banter, always cracking jokes. I'm a happy girl that needs to play more.

But. I don't play in my off time. I wouldn't even know where to start. I mentioned paint ball in a post here a few weeks back. None of my friends thought that would be fun. I'd love to go fishing, (fresh water or deep sea) but no one wants to go. I'd like to go zip lining or horseback riding, jump out of a plane, take an art class, start a calligraphy project, go to Chinatown, walk on the beach. Well, maybe I do know where to start. In theory.

My life consists of work and working out. Or, planning out my work week or my next day at work. Or looking up some new way to work legs or glutes. No wonder I'm so tired and burned out. I don't play. Maybe this job, this industry etc, is grinding me down. So many maybes.

It feels weird to have "play" as a goal. The words "play" and "goal" don't belong in the same sentence. But, that's what I'd like to have happen. More fun. More play. Less competition...

[Grokalicious]

Actually, I don't suffer fools gladly although my world has been populated by many of late. What's important is to realise that you can't control what anyone else says or thinks, much less fools. I respect other people's opinions about food, politics, religion, what-have-you, and don't need someone to agree with me in order to feel validated.

But, jeez, don't tell me I'm going to be fat when I'm your age no matter what I do. Don't be smug and announce loudly to a table full of people how ridiculous my way of eating seems to you. And, don't freak out when I don't take the bait! 'Nuff said.

Weekend will be summer all over again! Wheee! First CSA box of organic fruits and veggies, chicken, and GF steak and ground beef. Cheap! Under 60$ all told. Dreading the blandness of GF meat...

Out for fun the weekend!!!

[Grokalicious]

A little accountability is a beautiful thing. If I write it here, I will stick to it, otherwise...pfft!!!!!

Today: weights and a sprint later
Tomorrow: off
Monday: weights and slow cardio
Tuesday: slow cardio
Wednesday: weights and slow cardio
Thursday: off
Friday: sprint
Saturday: hike

I would work out tomorrow but I have a hair appt and beforehand I am off to cheer on my old boss as he races his marathon (a qualifying marathon for the Boston Marathon). Just across the paseo from my house.

[Grokalicious]

Actually, the question is how do I eat more? No hunger today. Or, not much, anyway. For breakfast I had 2 pieces of delicious organic bacon wrapped around slices of avocado and a coffee. No lunch. A small pear (from my CSA box, loved the flavor, hated the texture) for a late snack. Dinner was good, just didn't have much hunger. I sautéed some cut up organic chicken breast in bacon grease with scallions and mushrooms and deglazed with coconut milk. Added in some fresh basil and ginger and garlic and enjoyed with a wee salad with avocado and olive oil/balsamic. 900 calories. Not bad once in a while but I didn't eat any more yesterday.

No hunger. Antsy. Saw the man I fancy yesterday. The one I've known forever. The guy who has no clue that I have deeper feelings for him than friendship (who knows, maybe he does). Been almost 2 years since we've been around each other again. Before that? Not in years and years. He did me a favor yesterday. Told me how he likes that I am different and the only woman he knows that shoots straight from the hip. That I tell it like it is without BS. That it's nice I can just be myself with him because we're friends and I don't have to be the schmoozer I am at work. I'm always sure he can hear my heart pounding out of my chest. That damned word. "Friends." I hate feeling utterly out of control, which is how I feel around him. Like at any given moment I could actually say something that I would later regret or celebrate. Who the hell knows. And, funnier than anyone else I've ever known. I don't even know what we spoke about but there was lots of teasing and laughing and I don't know when I've had more fun doing absolutely nothing. Sigh. I can't tell him.

But between spending the afternoon with him yesterday and dealing with wanting to get a new job, I have no hunger. Just too keyed up. I need a sabbatical from my life...