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Thread: Non-Magical Musings of Mandi page

  1. #1
    pixiecatmandi's Avatar
    pixiecatmandi is offline Junior Member
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    Cool Non-Magical Musings of Mandi

    Primal Fuel
    Hello,

    My name is Mandi and I am a carb addict.

    I've lived my whole life like this. Going from eating a whole pizza and drinking a whole 2 liter of mountain dew as dinner, to eating 900-1000 calories of CW good for you foods and exercising 1-2 hours per day. Neither way worked well, but somehow over the course of about 4 years of straight line CW diet and exercise, I was able to go from 360 to 280. I was constantly tired and sick. And I would hold epic battles for supremacy with the alarm clock every morning.

    Then about a year ago I stumbled across the Primal Blueprint, Paleo, Insulin Resistance Diets, etc. Where my brain promptly exploded and I had to scoop it back up into my ear. All because I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome).

    PCOS isn't great... but it's not exactly a death sentence either. I had some very bizzare things going on. Skin tags popping up all over my neck, hair in places that would get someone a restraining order, testosterone so high it was past male and entering minatar territory, etc.

    The only way to combat my crazy body horomones was to lose weight. The only way to do that was the fixing my Insulin Resistance. I replaced white bread/rice/sugar/etc. with whole wheat everything and honey/agave. Then I progressively got more and more exclusive with my diet until I was about 90/10 on the PB. I was losing weight like crazy. Then, right around midterms with my college, I completely crashed and burned. I was down from 280 in Aug. 2011 to 240 in April 2012 and now after about 4 months of complete ineptitude, I'm back up to 270.

    You see, I'm a very good lier, especially to myself. I particularly like to lie to myself and say I'm doing "okay" with my eating. It's a pretty little lie, all sugar-coated and shiney. I have every kind of "bad" item, ususally once or twice a day. I'm back in my sugarburning cycle of ups and downs, mood swings, and blood sugar crashes. Ususally one very strong coffee or a whole Monster a day.

    I continually promise myself that I will get it back together. That after this weekend or after this vacation or at some random day in the future I will turn it around and just start back again. It's been 4 months of broken self promises and "reasons" why I'm currently not eating properly. It has to stop.

    So here I am, ready to bare all before the world (aka the PB Forums) in order to hold myself accountable for the junk I shove into my piehole.
    Last edited by pixiecatmandi; 08-15-2012 at 11:35 AM.
    Starting weight, July 13, 2011: 286 pounds
    Lowest weight, April 1, 2012: 242 pounds
    Current Weight, Aug 15, 2012: 270 pounds

    Goal: 135-ish, When I feel happy/healthy/right

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    pixiecatmandi's Avatar
    pixiecatmandi is offline Junior Member
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    In the interest of being completely honest, here are some sample days from my menus of late...

    Breakfast: McDonalds large caramel frappe & bacon/egg/cheese bagel
    Snack: fruit
    Lunch: sandwhiches (white bread, ham, cheese, mayo)
    Snack: hershy's chocolate & a monster (because I'm running out of energy)
    Dinner: General Tso's Chicken & Fried Rice


    Breakfast: a whole can of monster & a bowl of lucky charms
    snack: fruit
    lunch: leftover pizza
    snack: cookies
    dinner: taco bell buritios


    It's no wonder that I'm gaining and gaining, eating complete nonsense like that. It's not even CW "good" It's just crap.
    Last edited by pixiecatmandi; 08-15-2012 at 11:35 AM.
    Starting weight, July 13, 2011: 286 pounds
    Lowest weight, April 1, 2012: 242 pounds
    Current Weight, Aug 15, 2012: 270 pounds

    Goal: 135-ish, When I feel happy/healthy/right

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    pixiecatmandi is offline Junior Member
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    I'm doing a little better on the food train today. Breakfast is a 3 egg omlette with bell peppers and cheese. Snacks are grapes and nuts. Dinner will probably be meat and salad.

    Lunch is the only sticky part. I'm a very poor working college student. I've got some of the white bread left, along with the makings of cheap sandwhiches. While I did throw away the unnecessary food (icecream, cereal etc.) I can't afford to throw away the rest of my lunch food just because it's not the best.

    I won't buy any more, but I do feel that I need to finish the tiny bit that's left. So that leaves me with two ham/cheese sandwhiches for lunch. oh well. Tomorrow I get paid and things won't feel as tight. I will be finished with sandwhiches then and can start in on more primalicious foods.
    Starting weight, July 13, 2011: 286 pounds
    Lowest weight, April 1, 2012: 242 pounds
    Current Weight, Aug 15, 2012: 270 pounds

    Goal: 135-ish, When I feel happy/healthy/right

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    pixiecatmandi is offline Junior Member
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    Story Time!

    When I was in high school, many years ago, I was in the color guard.* During color guard season, we practiced every day during school for an hour and then after school for at least 4 hours. 2 hours on our own in the studio and then 2 hours with the band outside. We usually also had a 4-6 hour practice over the weekend. During the summer, we practiced Monday through Saturday for 6 hours, 2 hours on our own and then 4 hours with the band outside.

    I was also in winter guard.** During the winter guard season, we would practice an hour every day during school hours and then 4 straight hours in the studio after school and 6 hours on Saturday and Sunday.

    The point of all this, is that during this time I had a very athletic/dancer body. I ate complete nonsense, as did the rest of the guard, but never gained anything. Then I hit graduation and community college. I had no more activities that required insane amounts of activity. My friends, one and all, went off to “real” college and “left” me. I got severely depressed and started gaining weight at a ridiculous speed. I went from 130-ish to 360 in 2.5 to 3 years. Fell into a horrible relationship, lost connection with all of my friends, and was basically in a downward spiral going very bad places.

    I’m not really sure why I woke up one day and decided it had to change. Lots of people seem to have an epiphany moment. They see a picture of themselves, or someone says something. They can’t fit into an old outfit or they have an upcoming event. I didn’t have any of that, just a boyfriend who abused me in many ways*** and a sudden desire to get the hell out of the situation.

    My family, who I had been distant with for some time, gathered around me. They helped me cut ties with that boyfriend and get back onto my own two feet. But suddenly, I looked in the mirror and the image I still held in my head of that small dancer was completely different than the person I had become. Things had stretch marks, and sagged. Parts that had always been firm now wiggled and jiggled in an unsettling way.

    I had no experience losing weight. I hadn’t really noticed that I’d gained that much in the foggy years prior. Basically I was a lost ship with no map and only half my sails. I read about weight loss and jumped into CW. I dropped my calories down to 900 or 1000 per day and started working out at least 2 hours per day, usually more. The weight did come off, bit it was a dreadfully slow process.**** I hated life and was still depressed. I had no time for friends/family/dating. I was filled with an all consuming need to make my body look like my brain thought it did.***** But I was also very sick all the time and extremely tired.

    Then after I hit 280 the weight loss completely stopped. I increased working out times, cut fat out even more, and even played with the idea of becoming a vegetarian. Nothing helped. But the moment that I slipped even a little in my routine, weight came back quickly, swelling me up again and again to 300+ pounds.

    It was at this point in my life that I was diagnosed with PCOS, found Primal Blueprint, and started a new chapter of the story.
    Starting weight, July 13, 2011: 286 pounds
    Lowest weight, April 1, 2012: 242 pounds
    Current Weight, Aug 15, 2012: 270 pounds

    Goal: 135-ish, When I feel happy/healthy/right

  5. #5
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    pixiecatmandi is offline Junior Member
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    Taking cue from the fabulous writings of Gay Panda. I too will give you side notes and foot notes


    *Color guard is the part of the band that dances, and spins flags/sabers/rifles during the half time show of football games.

    **Winter guard is an inside competition between guards where we once took the national title.

    ***At some point, if I feel like sharing, I may go into more details about this relationship. It shaped me in many ways. If I were to go back, I’m not sure if I could get into it again… but I’m very happy with where my life is now. If I had never been in that relationship, I would not know many of my good friends and my current life-partner.

    ****It took me at least 3 years to go from 360 to 280

    ***** I actually still have this problem. I will actually run into doors and walls because my brain really does think my body is smaller than it is. My dream-self is still that dancer sized body. It’s rather bizarre.
    Starting weight, July 13, 2011: 286 pounds
    Lowest weight, April 1, 2012: 242 pounds
    Current Weight, Aug 15, 2012: 270 pounds

    Goal: 135-ish, When I feel happy/healthy/right

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