I was here some time ago and posted a thread about being with a BPD woman. Thread got traction and I appreciate all the responses and insights.
Now I share my own insights into the situation.
BPD does not exist, but weakness does. I was drinking daily for two weeks at the time of that thread, and I realized that this was the problem. I was weak, a pitiful shell of a man. My reactions caused the terrible situation. I failed to handle myself, the woman, and the problem. So I stopped the booze and, magically, my relationship went through the roof and now my heart is warm, fuzzy and full of love for all mankind. What happened? If you can believe it, a sober mind deals with problems a lot better than a drunk one.
Alcohol is not so good to drink every day and marijuana is bad for your mental health. This is hands down, whether you want to admit it or not, a cold ugly fact. Far from harmless, marijuana, like alcohol, weakens the character and directs the user down the path of weakness. After the two weeks of daily drink, I went for two weeks of daily smoke, just to test it out. I stayed high for 14 days and I felt good. But I was a passive little bitch; though cheerful and easy to get along with on the surface, my Will was nearly extinguished as I went through my day-to-day in a pacified daze. I had great workouts and felt fine physically, but the inner weakness was too real and very scary.
Racism and nationalism are two sides of an ugly, worthless coin. I know that I have shared some ugly words here, the Euro 2012 thread comes to mind, but today I want to tell you that I've completed a firm 180 degree. My heart is full of love for all mankind. How do I know this is for real and not some fleeting sentiment? Because I just know. I feel it. I tried, as an experiment, to muster up a ball of hate toward those different from me, but I couldn't do it. Call it a satori or a revelation, but it's most likely the combination of my natural love of life and the realization that, in absence of mind-altering substance, my character and intellect are so strong that they will crush any obstacle that, in my younger and weaker days, I was unable to face head-on. I feel completely good about myself and my life.
I was playing a game of Call of Duty this morning with some of my African-American friends when I challenged myself to go with the flow and really connect with my teammates. I had a blast and shared jokes, laughed and enjoyed my gaming more than I can remember enjoying it at any time before. I then went on Facebook and re-requested all the old friends I had shunned because of my misguided xenophobia, and I explained my case and my state, and we got along and all is well. I have not been so excited for my own future since I was a stupid little kid. I don't regret the way I used to think or feel, because if I knew better I would have done better, but now I know and nothing is lost as long as lessons are learned.
Stumbled upon Dinosaur Training by Brooks Kubik and read his 1996 'Dinosaur Training' the same day and in a single sitting. Brilliant man and a classic work that every one here needs to have on their shelf, whether you train for strenght or not. I found the full version of his video, 'Bags Barrels and Beyond' on YouTube (which you can find here). The guy is a legend on the same level as Mark Sisson, Stuart McRobert and Mark Rippetoe. Dinosaur Training is, to my mind, the natural progression from Starting Strength and Beyond Brawn. I feel that I'm becoming a well-rounded trainee and that my future in the iron and strength game is exceedingly bright. So I bought a dufflebag on EBay for 18$ and it should arrive today. I can't wait to fill it with sand and start the next stage of my physical and spiritual growth through the overhead lifting, throwing and carrying of the beautiful bag.
Thank you, MDA community, for your support and patience. I love you all and wish the best. Here is to Mark Sisson, Primal, Strength, Sandbags, Meat, and the Good People of MDA that make it all go round.