Georgette Redux: A new primal journal page 78

[geostump]

Geo, I totally get the the vent thing. I hate putting down the stuff about my husband and about my weakness with binging. But if I don't get it out, I might let it out inappropriately. I'm afraid you guys are going to get tired of the same old BS.

Hey BTW you owe me a PM...

Yes I do. I just need the alone time to write it.

OK sorry Geo, will remove my post.

Don't worry about it. You don't have a delete button in real life, I don't expect one here.

Well, in defense of your friend (and men everywhere) we get told again and again that women want us to listen and be supportive. Also, if you read the forums here or listen around you will find that women claim to be depressed about 10 times more often than men. Given this, when women act in a way that many of them would label as 'depressed' men try to be supportive. We say things like "Have a gentle day" or "I hope all is well with you" because "STFU and grow a set" is considered impolite. I think it is typical for people to feel sorry for themselves. I also think it is typical for some people to call this depressed. Give the dude some props for trying to do what he has been told he is supposed to do.

I understand the sentiment, I would just rather hear "STFU and grow a pair" vs "Have a gentle day". For some reason, the latter just hit me the wrong way. Stuff like that gets in my head and really ticks me off. I keep thinking 'why couldn't you just tell me to have a nice day' or 'WTF is a gentle day?' Plus, I'm all discombobulated right now cause the Russian Circus is here again.

[geostump]

I may be feeling a bit depressed. I don't think it's true depression. I only am feeling this way at work. I have no desire to be here anymore. I feel great the moment I walk in my house. With the assignment ending early, I just feel kind of last and mad at myself. I keep wondering if I should start 5-htp or just deal?

[naiadknight]

It's called "burn out and feeling screwed". BTDT, t-shirt doesn't fit anymore. I honestly can't say whether the 5-htp would help, but it can't hurt. If it might make you feel better, I'd say give it a shot. anything's better than the murky depths of being boned by an employer.

[Pebbles67]

Try a low dose of 1 50 mg pill in the evening after dinner. You may not need much. I think you are right though. It is more about recent events at work.

[namelesswonder]

Agreed with P and Naiadknight. Even if it's a temporary measure, I don't think there's anything wrong with a harmless crutch when you need it.

[geostump]

I did get a bottle of 5-htp on lunch. I'm going to take 1 pill tonight after dinner and see how that helps me in the morning. I'm hoping that it'll helps with something.

I was texting with my eldest niece earlier and found out she's mad at my husband(what a surprise). Neither of them like each other so its fun. She's been going through really serious depression and had the flu and now has severe dehydration. She's been on disability for the past month due to all of this. Apparently her husband called Clint and apparently Clint was being a jerk. Saying she just has to suck it up and crap like that. All I can do is apologize for Clint's actions and just tell her to move on with her life. At least she now understands why I don't discuss anything that involves feelings with him.

[geostump]

I'm reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower and this line spoke to me: "Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve." Very poignant.

[geostump]

Emotionally, I do feel better today. I think the 5-htp might be the way to go. Physically, I feel like hell. With the allergy attacks and the cramps last night and this morning, I feel like I want to sleep for days. I made myself eat breakfast this morning to see if that would keep the cravings at bay. I was craving cheddar cheese and fatty chicken thighs. I know I ate over my macros last night but oh well.

[geostump]

I swear, I have this cramp in my lower left hip that makes sitting and standing difficult to say the least. I can feel it pulsing and I have come close to passing out over the pain a couple of times. The only time it feels decent if I am walking. I keep punching it to get it to stop but that isn't helping. Advil isn't working either. Christ.

[canio6]

Do you know how hard it is not to just say, "Have a gentle day."

yeah, I am going to hell.