Woot! Yeah I thought I was huge in HS at 190. I would love to be back there now.
I would honestly rather not see my high school weight again. I was 5'2" and around 100- 105 lb. I was skin and bones with no curves. Not for lack of eating: my metabolism was sky high until ym thyroid went apeshit in college.
"No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
My Primal Battle Tome
I was too skinny. I'm liking the figure I seem to be developing now.
Journal on depression/anxiety
Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).
I don't think I'll ever see HS weight again, but I would freak to be within 50 pounds!
High school was 1994 and I weighed I think 150-160. I think that weight is fairly attainable, will just look a hell of a lot different on me. Clint thinks my body is closer to where it was when we met. Showing different progress. Monday, I plan on starting to workout. I think taking 2-3 weeks and keying in on food was a good thing for me to do. My goal is to get out of bed at 6AM and do my workout. Will be interesting to see how this goes.
Been reading more of the book on manipulation. It's been an eye opener to say the least. I fall into the "loss of self" and "emotophobe" categories meaning that those who have manipulated me in the past have helped me to lose my personality in a sense and that I am scared to show negative emotions around others. I also do have a fear of being alone which ties in with this. It hurts so much to know that this was done by people who are/were supposed to love me. I'm to the point now, that when people try to manipulate me, I just stop having anything to do with them. What's ironic, when I look back, I see where this has happened to me in other aspects of my life. I'll use this for an example. Last night, while I was in bed, almost asleep, Clint asks me to make him a peanut butter sandwich. I told him no, I'm in bed, comfortable and if he wants one bad enough, he can get himself out of bed to make it. He started begging me to and I wouldn't. So in retaliation, he wouldn't touch me at all and wouldn't let me touch him. The sad part of reading the book is that it says I shouldn't expect the manipulator to change, that I have to change. Guess I'm working on that part of the road. Wondering where it will take me...
My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread62655.html
Self realization and care seem so intolerable at first. But over time, the changes that I reaped were worth all the anger. Expectations on me as the primary caretaker of all things house no longer exist. We split more chores than ever before. We also have increased our communication in a healthy and playful way. And I no longer think of leaving all the time to be alone and not responsible for everything. Now I get to be happy and in a good marriage. All because I changed what I could and set all of us free!