I started reading this thread out of curiosity then went and looked up and read about BPD as I'd never heard of it.
What a revelation. I was married to one of these for ten years and it was the worst ten years of my life. You may think that's a long time but I made a vow and was determined to stick to it...and my ex was very good a making me feel like I was the problem. It eventually came to the point where either I kill myself or get out.
Your ex sounds a lot like my brother's ex, and he stuck it out for 30 miserable years before bailing. I think it helped tremendously that he was on the road a lot. Now he's very happily married to an incredible woman that adores him, and he adores her too.