living with woman with Borderline Personality Disorder; I am an abused guy page 8

[lambchop]

aren't people just reacting to the thought of staying with someone who has BPD?

[cori93437]

aren't people just reacting to the thought of staying with someone who has BPD?

No... I ignored that part...
If he was being abused as claimed was the basis for my own GTFO comment.

In hindsight... GTFO regardless...
Because if there is not "abuse" you are telling people that your SO is an abusive BPD psychotic bitch...
So no matter what the advice is the same... GTFO.
Either because he is being abused or just because he is unhappy and likely making her really f*king unhappy too!

[lambchop]

Yeah, if you are announcing to the world she's a bitch, that missing respect ain't gonna grow back

What is the past shitty behaviour? Nosey, I know, but curious!!

[Austrian_Carnivore]

Well if he doesn't love her anymore and talkes about her like this, it would be unfair to continue a relationship with her.
If she has borderline, it would require a stable and strong personality that has no need to go to an internet forum for relationship advice so it would be unfair for him to continue the relationship.

So either way ending the relationship is the best thing he can do.
He could consider counseling but than first thing would be her to get active against her BPD

[zoebird]

yes, it's ok to walk away.

yes, i agree that you should seek counseling. There will be a lot of healing that needs to happen for you.

[Apex Predator]

GTFO regardless...
Because if there is not "abuse" you are telling people that your SO is an abusive BPD psychotic bitch...
So no matter what the advice is the same... GTFO.
Either because he is being abused or just because he is unhappy and likely making her really f*king unhappy too!

This.

[quelsen]

is she primal?

does she have a good omega 3 ratio?


barbeque perhaps?

[thanatos]

I started reading this thread out of curiosity then went and looked up and read about BPD as I'd never heard of it.

What a revelation. I was married to one of these for ten years and it was the worst ten years of my life. You may think that's a long time but I made a vow and was determined to stick to it...and my ex was very good a making me feel like I was the problem. It eventually came to the point where either I kill myself or get out. I got out. Fortunately no children.

Over the time I was with her her behavior was incredible. She would regularly get obsessed with other people and disappear for days with no word. Upon her return if I complained about this I was apparently being over possessive. At least once a year she would get in a rage and try to hurt me and often did. I have scars on my left arm from being hit with a fortunately blunt training sword but it still cut and drew blood. She would elbow me in the face while I was asleep. she would try to have a stand up punch festival with me. Not wanting to hit a woman all I would do is just block and parry or sit on her till she calmed down..but this is usually when the elbows in the night would come as a sort of last word.

She would drink till she passed out and started smoking cannabis upon rising in the morning....practically every day in the last year or so.

She would have to change jobs at least once a year as she would completely burn out the relationships with her work mates. She would start a brawl every couple of years and get her head punched in by blokes particularly if she was with her brother and I wasn't there to calm things down. This usually ended up in court with her as the victim as she was only 5'2" blonde, blue eyed and petite people couldn't believe she was doing these things...and she blamed everyone else. The last court case her friend actually gave evidence against her.

In the last few years I refused to go to parties with her as it would usually end in one of her rages and an elbow in the face. I also hoped that she would drink less if I wasn't there and not there to step in if things got out of hand. It worked once or twice but then she didn't care any more. I recall she went to her bosses house for a work Christmas BBQ and got drunk, stripped down to her underwear and went for a swim and started throwing people in. Apparently it was meant to be a few quiet drinks type of get together. She lost all her work privileges the next day and couldn't see what the problem was.

I recall one Saturday morning after we'd split I was in the kitchen having breakfast cringing as per normal and suddenly realized that I was cringing in dread of her waking up...but she wasn't there any more I also realized that I'd been cringing for years and didn't have to any more. I felt free for the first time in a decade.

I've only spoken to her once since we split and that was to get her to sign the divorce papers.

There's a lot of people who won't understand what I went through and why for so long. That's fine I hope you never do experience it. I read dado's posts and I understand every line of what he is struggling to say. It took me years to get the strength to leave this person that I loved and that option always felt selfish as it was about me not her...that's why he's talking about strong weak etc...he's nearly there and wants validation that it's ok.

Dado's, it's ok.

By the way I met a beautiful woman who I married and have two wonderful daughters with now. Its twelve years gone since the first wife and I rarely think of her these days. Friends tell me she is still the same at 44 years old and has lost all her friends and is very lonely.

[zoebird]

I would say that -- for myself -- if the person with whom I'm in a relationship is seeking treatment for their mental health disorder, then it might be worth staying around and working through it with them.

But if the person is untreated, doesn't' want treatment, and the mental disorder is affecting you so greatly (i.e., you are being abused), then it's perfectly fine to walk.

I have family members who have various mental disorders or are married to people with various mental disorders. Those who are in treatment tend to have solid marriages because they are committed to working on it, and their partners are committed to working with them. Those who are not in treatment just create chaos and blame everyone else. They ultimately end up alone. I've basically cut contact with relatives because they are not in treatment, and I certainly don't need their abuse.

[abs]

There is absolutely no reason to maintain a relationship you're not happy with. Putting on a front is worse than just ending it. You are a free man; you don't owe anyone shit.