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Thread: living with woman with Borderline Personality Disorder; I am an abused guy page 4

  1. #31
    JoanieL's Avatar
    JoanieL is offline Senior Member
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    I had a neighbor whose wife was a diagnosed borderline. He took a very Zen like approach. He'd married her for better or worse, and when she went off her meds and stole stuff or disappeared, that was some of the worse. He did the best he could, enjoying her good days, and living a life slightly apart from her on her bad days.

    I have no advice, just the anecdote.

  2. #32
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    My advice is to get out. Life is short and you need to enjoy it.

    My first marriage was to a woman with BPD. It was hell. The day she slapped her daughter silly was when I left. Her entire family avoids her and I am still on good relations with them. I later met a wonderful woman and been very happy since. Finding the right person is huge in life.

  3. #33
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    Remember that personality disorders are considered almost completely untreatable and they tend to get more severe with age. So your partner is NEVER going to change. No matter how much you think they may change. They won't. They will get worse.

    I have watched my sister destroy her family because of her personality disorder.

    If you can get out, do it. And like everyone said, get your ducks in a row before saying a word. Then when you are ready, make it quick and clean.
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  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by jammies View Post
    Remember that personality disorders are considered almost completely untreatable and they tend to get more severe with age. So your partner is NEVER going to change. No matter how much you think they may change. They won't. They will get worse.

    I have watched my sister destroy her family because of her personality disorder.

    If you can get out, do it. And like everyone said, get your ducks in a row before saying a word. Then when you are ready, make it quick and clean.
    BPD actually decreases with age and can is often 'grown out of' by women in their 40's.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dexy View Post
    BPD actually decreases with age and can is often 'grown out of' by women in their 40's.
    Wow - that is surprising to me. All the reading I have done regarding my family member said it will worsen with age - although she has something closer to narcissistic personality disorder, so maybe that is it?

    Do you have any references or links you could share. I'd love to read about that.
    Using low lectin/nightshade free primal to control autoimmune arthritis. (And lost 50 lbs along the way )

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  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by jammies View Post
    Wow - that is surprising to me. All the reading I have done regarding my family member said it will worsen with age - although she has something closer to narcissistic personality disorder, so maybe that is it?

    Do you have any references or links you could share. I'd love to read about that.
    I have one book reference, written for the lay person, by a clinical psychologist with 30 years in the field: "Emotional Vampires" by Dr. Albert J. Bernstein. I have read this book myself, twice, and it deals with different personality disorders. You can trace this information all the way back to the DSM-IV, if you care to.

    What I am aware of also states that personality disorders are damn near incurable. They can be worked on if the person so affected wishes to go to long-term, extensive therapy, but what personality-disturbed person is going to do that??

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    You know, eating proper foods may help. Just be warned, I know from experience that insanity worstens while withdrawing from crap. I've driven three people to meltdowns since my birthday screw up and I still haven't started feeling guilty about it.
    In all of the universe there is only one person with your exact charateristics. Just like there is only one person with everybody else's characteristics. Effectively, your uniqueness makes you pretty average.

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crabbcakes View Post
    I have one book reference, written for the lay person, by a clinical psychologist with 30 years in the field: "Emotional Vampires" by Dr. Albert J. Bernstein. I have read this book myself, twice, and it deals with different personality disorders. You can trace this information all the way back to the DSM-IV, if you care to.

    What I am aware of also states that personality disorders are damn near incurable. They can be worked on if the person so affected wishes to go to long-term, extensive therapy, but what personality-disturbed person is going to do that??
    Narcisstic and sociopathic disordes are the only ones where treatment is near impossible because part of the condition never allows therapy to be sought. BPDs will recieve treatment, usually through hospital admissions as they present with such an extreme set of behaviours such as issues with self-harm, eatings disorders, drug and alcohol abuse and suicide attempts.

    Personality disorders are 'set' by the age of 3. They are always the result of trauma, neglect, abuse or a mixture of all of these. However, it can be hard to remain sympathetic when someone is behaving so badly. I think to pack up and leave is helpful to them in the long run, staying with them only enables and prolongs their bad behaviour.

  10. #40
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    I'm watching a marriage breakdown.... the wife is mentally ill. She has an eating disorder, depression, and god knows what else. The husband is at a loss, cheating on his wife. She basically has him hostage, threatening to kill herself if he leaves. She has been taken to the hospital and involuntarily committed 4 times. She tried to stab her husband. There are no children.

    I'd just go. Alone is better than being with someone making your miserable that can't or won't get help.

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