Diana's Journal page

[Asmodeuskraemer]

Well, I decided to start this because I need encouragement and hopefully some sort of accountability.

I really want this to work for me. I lost weight before counting calories and then gained it all back, plus some and almost became bulimic for my efforts. I never want to go back to that again. I am drawn to primal because of the lack of calorie counting and that I tend to feel better on this. I found out about Primal back in January and have been on and off ever since. I seem to be more off than on, though. I do really well for a couple of days and then have a treat and feel crappy about myself. On the 4th I had some fruit tarts my friend made, a couple chips and dip and some potato salad. Then, just under a week later I had a little bit of ramen noodle salad at a bbq.
After writing these down I don't feel so bad because they seem minor. I haven't had a giant binge in a long time. I don't eat ice cream anymore and the oreo things my boyfriend buys used to tempt me but I'm getting much better at ignoring them.
I want my boyfriend to try this with me but he's not interested, even though he wants to gain weight. I do my best to cook for us and made some yukon gold mashed potatoes with swiss chard, butter/milk and some cream. I LOVE this food but discovered shortly after eating some that it gives me gas. This, unfortunately, didn't deter me but I wont be finishing them. I don't like being so bloated.

For exercise I've been doing simple fit for 3 weeks. I was off and on with other exercise but couldn't stick with it. I was just too tired and felt unmotivated. Someone recommended simplefit to me and I really like it. I thought I would do this until I get into a regular routine and exercise doesn't seem so threatening to me and then add on. I bought a nice bike that I want to use to go to work once in a while. I can't use it every day because I don't always work in the same location (biking to the other side of town isn't an option), not always the same hours and I usually work very early in the morning. I don't feel confident biking that early. Heh, I don't really feel confident biking at all but its something I want to do. I'm trying to nail down a dedicated day to go disc golfing with my friend. The local course takes us about 2 hours.
I'm not loosing weight right now and that's what prompted me to write this. I don't know how much of it is water weight from some of the wheat, or how much of it is muscle but its still depressing. I'm not sure if I eat enough veggies and I'm positive I over eat. Eating is a habit for me sometimes and I dislike that. I've started eating later at night and that's never been good for me.

I'm just frustrated and unhappy and could use some encouragement.

[PrimalPumpkin]

Hi there. You sound like me. I do really well for a couple days and then some event comes along and I eat something not so great. But no one is perfect. I just try and do my best and have the good days outweigh the bad.

Don't beat yourself up! You will feel so good if you stick with this.

[PrimalPumpkin]

Ps...a tip for getting your man on board. Just don't announce it. Cook up some yummy primal things you both will enjoy and say nothing about what might be missing (grains, pasta, starchy potatoes) and nothing about how healthy it is either. Just serve it up and go on with life. If you need to add a potato or something for him but don't cook more than a serving so you are not tempted if it is a food you want to avoid.

[Asmodeuskraemer]

Thanks very much. Its good to know I'm not the only one.
Tonight for dinner:
About a 1.5-2 cups marinated beef cubes
Sweet peas and pesto
1 avocado with a bit of ceasar dressing

I think tomorrow I'll have avocado with the beef. I kind of mixed them together tonight, towards the end of the meal and it was pretty good.

[Asmodeuskraemer]

I was thinking tonight, I think the hardest thing for me is saying no to people and then trying to explain why. "What, you don't want bread/pasta/rice/sugary snacks? Why not?" I feel guilty! Because I don't want to hurt their feelings and I don't have all the words to say why. I know that doesn't make much sense but its the truth. I know I need to be able to say "I don't eat those foods anymore" but I also don't want to deal with all the idiotic questions. I know people who (I feel) are unable to think for themselves. I can imagine them staring at me and thinking "freak", then dismissing what I'm saying as "being difficult" and "being different just to be different" and "not caring who I offend"-this is my boyfriend's family talking and it would be the hardest to explain it to them.
Ug. Just venting.

[Asmodeuskraemer]

Its been a good couple weeks! I'm pretty pleased with myself. I feel like I'm loosing some weight. I haven't weighed myself, I'm too scared to, but my face looks a little thinner.
Having lunch with some family today. My friend is starting his own bakery and makes the most delicious coffee cakes ever. I ordered a couple for them. I think I can manage not to eat any. It seems easier to avoid temptation if I "keep my eyes on the prize".

[Asmodeuskraemer]

Its been a good couple weeks! I'm pretty pleased with myself. I feel like I'm loosing some weight. I haven't weighed myself, I'm too scared to, but my face looks a little thinner.
Having lunch with some family today. We're going out of thai food. My friend started his own bakery and makes the most delicious coffee cakes ever. I ordered a couple for them as gifts. I think I can manage not to eat any. It seems easier to avoid temptation if I "keep my eyes on the prize". I haven't been doing so well long enough that I can justify a treat.
Breakfast today:
3 Eggs
1 cup marinated beef cubes
Tea?

[Gadsie]

I was thinking tonight, I think the hardest thing for me is saying no to people and then trying to explain why. "What, you don't want bread/pasta/rice/sugary snacks? Why not?" I feel guilty! Because I don't want to hurt their feelings and I don't have all the words to say why. I know that doesn't make much sense but its the truth. I know I need to be able to say "I don't eat those foods anymore" but I also don't want to deal with all the idiotic questions. I know people who (I feel) are unable to think for themselves. I can imagine them staring at me and thinking "freak", then dismissing what I'm saying as "being difficult" and "being different just to be different" and "not caring who I offend"-this is my boyfriend's family talking and it would be the hardest to explain it to them.
Ug. Just venting.

I had the same problem. But what I do when people offer a lot of crap food, is taking a very little bit to show that I appreciate the offer but after that just say "no thanks". Plus you're not actually hurting them. It's them making a problem of your conscious choices.

[Asmodeuskraemer]

I ate coffee cake. I don't regret it and I'm glad for that. I hate the guilt and shame that I used to feel. it was delicious.
Family was bizarre, as always but dinner was good. Had a bunch of rice with my curry and that didn't make me feel as weird as the sweet potato I had the other day. I've noticed that Japanese sweet potatoes don't affect me like the normal ones do. Or maybe that's just a thought I'm having, I will have to wait until I can get the Japanese ones again before really making a claim. I did notice that I felt pretty crappy after eating the sweet potato the other day though. I thought that was interesting. But the rice, beyond me being over full, didn't make me feel bad.
Well, at least I don't think. I had some serious period cramping after dinner and was rolling around in bed VERY miserable.
My jawline is gone today. I'm unhappy about that. Makes me not want to take left overs for lunch. I think I'll leave them for my boyfriend instead.

I am unhappy that I over ate. I am upset that I still do that, there's no reason to. Its an old fear that "the food wont be there" later on. It hurts my body, its not good for it and hurting myself isn't something that I want to do.
I'm sort of having a dilemma. On one hand, I don't want anymore sugary snacks and things and I think I can easily say no. But on the other hand, my "lower brain" (the part of me with all the bad habits) wants all that junk food. Its an interesting fight that makes it harder, but not impossible, to say no to junk.

[Asmodeuskraemer]

Oooohh my. A customer brought us a box of succulent, enormous, juicy Georgia peaches. I've eaten 5 and I brought 5 more home. I am stuffed to the brim with peach.