Workout today: Simplefit L3D1. Today is my light week
I CAN DO PUSH-UPS AGAIN! YEAH! I've been doing knee push-ups for a couple weeks now and since this week is my light week, I decided to challenge myself a little bit. I substituted some lunged for the squats and tried doing a push-up. Then I did another and another!! I did nearly 15 rounds with full push-ups! I'm so f-ing stocked right now!!!
I RULE! WOOOOO!
Feeling guilty for being fat and over eating and not eating well and not exercising like I should be and blah blah blah. The same old, same old.
I'm especially upset that I get to this point and make a resolution to eat better, loose weight, etc and it never seems to stick. Well, I guess I should say "eat less" not "eat better" because my eating is decent. 80/20 when its not almost 100%. Its that I eat too much or when I'm not hungry or both. Listening to my body and giving it what it needs is still something I have to think about and pay attention to. I have to actively DO it, its not second nature. That depresses me because it says how messed up I still am.
In other news, those push-ups on monday really made a difference in my muscles. My abs, all the way down past my belly button were sore. Pretty sweet feeling! I couldn't do as many push-ups on wednesday..I made the mistake of eating shortly before exercising...bad idea. I was sluggish the whole way through.
I'm going camping next week for 5 days, 4 nights and am pretty excited. Making some bulk jerky for the trip so I don't have to worry too much about what I'll be eating. I know there will be smores and I know I will eat them. Nomz!
The hardest part is sticking with it. I love sugar. I can seem to avoid breads, pasta, potatoes and stuff like that with ease. I'm finding that my body likes rice better than potatoes, so that's kinda cool.
But sugar man..sugar. I find myself justifying it, or I just want it and it makes me angry. WHY do I want it? What is wrong with me that I can't not eat that marshmallow, or piece of candy? And then when that starts, it aaaaall comes flooding back. I think the turning point was that stupid coffee cake last weekend. It was delicious but I now see that it triggered me to start eating sugary stuff again.
I'm also dealing with bad tendinitis in my right foot, so no sprinting and minimal walking. I still haven't gotten my bike out really. I'm scared to ride it. What if I get too tired and then don't want to do it again? The voice in my head says: "You have a lot of fear holding you back." That voice is right. Why can't I get my bike out, pack a book and bike downtown to read by the lake? Why can't I leave early and bike to work?
I'm afraid people will judge me and say things to me. I went for a bike ride a couple weeks ago around my neighborhood. It was really nice. Then some assholes drove by and yelled out the car window "fat girl on a bike". Well, no shit sherlock, I'm a fat girl on a bike. You think I don't know this? People like that have been shaming me for my whole life. That behavior...I think it hits me harder than I want to admit. What those jerks said really hurt and I internalized it, so now I'm scared to get back out there, which is dumb. I want to take care of myself and biking is one of the best ways to get around. I am just afraid of being ridiculed and that's hard to over come. *sigh*
I got some sweet slow movement in last night. My friend convinced me to come on a bike ride with her and her boyfriend's mom. We went around the lake, about 11.5 miles and it was great! A beautiful night and an easy route. I gained a lot of my confidence on my bike back. 2 smallish hills and I powered through them. It took us about 2 hours, I think. We stopped for ice cream (I didn't have any) and had a nice, leisurely pace. I'm very happy I went and am really looking forward to going again!
Gotta get a better place to store my bike. The basement works but its a pain to get it in and out.
Dinner was a hunk-o-hamburger fried in some butter with onions, peppers, Jerusalem artichoke, mushrooms and an avocado. Nomz! Breakfast was the same, no artichoke though.
Back from a camping trip last night. Wasn't able to stay primal on that at all. Had gluteny chinese for dinner last night and I noticed on the trip that I'm a bit more puffy and that sucks. Hopefully all the biking and walking we did helped to curb that some. I see that my jawline is gone again.
Sometimes, I feel like I can't do this. Actually, I feel like that a lot. I feel like I could give up sugar OR carbs but not both. I'm determined to start eating good again today but I hate this cycle. Its like rinse and repeat all the time...I always mess up and then I always get back on. Why can't I just stay on for good? Maybe this isn't for me? Why should I even bother when I can't do it? I've gotten stronger but haven't lost any weight and I'm still just as big as I was 2 months ago. Anyone have any advice?
Last edited by Asmodeuskraemer; 07-30-2012 at 04:06 AM.