The Perils of Periwinkle Pitstop page 5

[Periwinkle]

So...I think September 8 was the last time I had a significant amount of caffeine with a few exceptions. Sept 21, after getting up at 5:30, working all day, then picking up the kids, and getting on the road for a two hour drive to meet my soon to be ex to hand off the kids, I stopped and got a breve one pump mocha that had a shot of espresso to get me through the 4 hour round trip. This morning, I had a tall Pike's Place with 2 inches of cream. But otherwise, my caffeine intake has been around 8-10 mg a day from either cocoa or chocolate or decaf coffee. I chose real coffee this morning b/c my daughter woke me three times between 12 am and 3 am and my son woke once.

In other shocking news, I have not had raw milk since Friday night. Today is day 4 with no milk. Nor have I had chocolate. At this time, I have decided that to eliminate all dairy isnt what I am going for. I plan to eliminate milk, and vastly reduce dairy and caffiene for now. I accept that some mornings I am going to have a tall coffee with cream.

I ordered some Brewing cocoa (like Crio Bru) and hope it arrives soon. If I like it, I'll have some of that with raw cream every morning instead of coffee, saving coffee for times when I need caffiene.

I am beginning to think, though, that as long as I can not get a full night's sleep, I am just not going to be in optimal health. I have always been the sort who needed 10 hours instead of 8 to feel my best, and now I get 4 hours and then 2 or 3 hours after waking for 20 min...it isnt promoting health for me. I try to remind myself of how much worse I'd feel if I wasnt eating primal, and limiting caffiene and dairy, etc...but it is frustrating to me that my best will only earn me medium results b/c of somthing that is out of my control.

I started limiting my daughter's fluids near bedtime. Nothing to drink after 7 pm b/c she was wetting the bed every other night as a reaction to her dad's absence. I really hoped this would result in not waking at night at all...but she still wakes at 12-2 am every night...but at least she stopped wetting the bed.

Otherwise, eating primal, taking adrenal supplements, and going to bed before 10 pm every night. The next time I see my OB/GYN (because I dont have a primary care doctor) I'll get my adrenals tested. If that test comes back normal, I dont know what is wrong with me. Other than lack of sleep. Still happy that I havent needed pharmacological assistance to sleep in 2 months.

I imagine my divorce will be final the last week of October or the first week in November, which makes me a little sad, but ready to move on. If I didnt believe this was the healthiest choice, I couldnt do it. It's really hard. And it makes me angry still, and may always sometimes, that he chose his addictions over his family.

[Periwinkle]

WOW coffee this am and I got so much DONE! I was focused and had energy. This is not good. It makes me want coffee every morning. It is hard to get to work and take care of everything I have to take care of when I feel like I got run over by a truck...which is every morning I dont have caffiene. Maybe caffeine-free and not sleeping a full night are just not going to go hand in hand. I wont know if my adrenals recover, b/c Im exhausted all the time anyway. :P

[Periwinkle]

So today is day 7 with no chocolate and no milk. I made no other changes to my diet and I have lost 0 pounds this week. I am stuck stuck stuck at 176. I wasnt trying to lose weight, but it would have been a nice treat. Ah well...we'll see what the scale looks like next week.

I did pick the caffeine habit back up. I guess maybe once I get a little more sleep on a regular basis, I'll give it another go. But I am now drinking coffee with raw cream instead of triple grande mochas. I love triple grande mochas. I think I'll save mocha for that 4 hour round trip to drop the kids off, on the rare occasion that my ex wants the kids.

My 4 year old slept all night long (well till 4:30 when she climbed in bed with me and went back to sleep) 2 times this week, which is a real blessing. Will continue the "no sippies after 7 rule."

I am beginning to think about trying to lose weight and am thinking that I am going to have to do some calorie restriction and some carb restriction. B/c just eating primal hasnt done it. Though, I may just be screwed b/c it will be years before I get "enough" sleep. But at least I dont have random abdominal pain. And I dont have insomnia anymore. Of course, that isnt from primal, that is b/c I just dont get enough sleep. My body is always 15 minutes of inactivity away from a coma.

But I am much happier in my new living environment. I finally got a paycheck that reflects the changes to my health insurance after taking my ex off and every year with the school district you get like $50 more a month (oooo big money in education, I get what the teachers get) and the check was about $80 more than I had estimated. So that was a nice suprise. So I got to add a bit more to my grocery budget. But the budget is tight folks. Well...if my ex paid child support, I'd even have money to put in savings, but I didnt budget based on receiving support b/c I saw how he was with his first wife...and next year when the 4 year old turns 5 and goes to Kindergarten, I'll get a $350 dollar raise every month from her quitting daycare. Looking forward to next July. I am glad they are young, b/c I have no money for extra activities right now. (When I mean tight, I mean we dont have cable, no land line...Im talking rent, electric, water, internet, car insurance, groceries, gas, and then a small Misc envelope that coveres things like shoes, clothes, car maintaince...) I have an envelope for groceries and Misc and when the cash is gone...it's gone. So anyway...they dont notice that they dont go to dance classes or T ball or what ever. And by the time they are old enough to do those things, I'll have my MSN, and they wont be in daycare and I can afford an activity for each of them. Single motherhood was harder to get started than I thought it would be, and I knew it would be hard...but I'd do it again in a heartbeat...b/c living with an addict SUCKS.

[Periwinkle]

We had store bought cake in the break room today for the monthly birthdays. I had 0 desire to eat it. It DID make me want to make a homemade chocolate cupcake with cocoa butter. But I had no desire to eat the cake that was actually in there.

[Periwinkle]

Dinner tonight was roast pastured chicken, organic wild rice (hey...dont judge) and green beans followed by apples roasted in cinnamon and raw butter and topped with whipped (well actually I just shook it for 10 min) cream. Wild rice doesnt bother me the way white and brown rice or quinoa do. But I still only have it about once every 8 weeks. Planning to make broth with the chicken bones and I got ox tails today to make broth too. Then the kids and I went for a walk and played on the wet playground and then got rained on walking back. good day!

[Periwinkle]

Wooot. 4 year old slept through the night again...2 year old got me up at 5...but hey...7 hours in a row is rare around here. Limiting sippies is really working for me. I feel like a horrible mom to deny my kids milk when they say they are thirsty...but wetting the bed every night isnt the way to go either. And yes...I go almost straight to bed as soon as they fall asleep. Some nights I am out by 9:45...it is usually after 9pm that I finally get them asleep.

Chicken broth in the crock pot since yesterday afternoon and ox tails browned and boiling on the stove. I had sausage and pastured eggs for breakfast and am sipping coffee with raw cream and a tad of sugar. Today is a day of cleaning and getting ready for the week ahead.

[Periwinkle]

I ended up eating more sausage and 2 more eggs for lunch. I had some dark chocolate and then for dinner I ate soup with carrots, dark meat from the pastured chicken and garlic in the chicken broth I made. It was one of my best broths. I cooked the ox tails all day and then put the tail bones in the crock pot with new water and put the regular pot with the newly made bone broth in the fridge to cool I'll add some neck bones to the crock pot tomorrow and cook it another day or so. I love bone broth. and pastured chicken.

The kids and I walked a trail at the apartment compelx today and then spent 1.5 hours at the playground. No nap and lavender oil in the bath and the kids were passed out in about 4 minutes. Didnt fight, didnt play. Even the 2 year old crawled in to bed and laid down and let me cover him with the blanket and went right to sleep. I hate that they take a nap at daycare. It messes up their sleep habits. Now that Houston is bearable outside, we have to go to the playground every evening, I guess.

Might go ahead and wander to bed...asleep by 9 am...how nice.

[Periwinkle]

Getting a little bit frustrated. Today is day 11 with no milk. When I drink milk, I drink 16-20 ounces of it a day. I would have thought after 10 days of water instead of milk...I'd have lost a little weight. I have maintained for 6 months now. I havent lost anything since April, 3 months before I started eating primal. I feel like...Im never going to get a full night's sleep, I havent been able to exercise or "play" since August...I barely have the time or energy to keep the house reasonably clean, make sure the kids have clean clothes for the next day, make lunches, get my stuff ready...not to mention grad school. And I dont see this ending for a couple years. I'll be in grad school for the next 5 years, I expect. I get no help from my ex. About once a month, my dad watches the kids for a couple hours so I can pound out some school work...or I have to do it at work when I am supposed to be working.

I guess I am going to have to figure out how to stretch myself even thinner and try to add 40 min of walking every day before I pick the kids up, but that is 40 min I dont get to spend WITH the kids. and start calorie counting and maybe carb restricting.

Very tired and frustrated this am.

[Periwinkle]

So I was "asked" to organize a Biggest Loser contest at work. As the school nurse, anything "well-ness related" usually ends up in my in box and one of my assistant principals loves having Biggest Loser. So anyway...Im trying to decide if it is unethical to eat SAD food on Sunday, knowing it will add 3 pounds of water weight to my initial weigh in...The winner does get 60% of the total pay in...and then the plan is to go paleo for the next 10 weeks and walk 40 min after school every day before I pick up my kids.

Starting drinking milk again on Wednesday...I'll probably always drink milk with 7-10 day breaks...I just like milk. I say I'll go paleo for 10 week, but I know milk will be involved from time to time...it is always raw...I cant even drink pasturized milk...it doesnt taste like milk anymore.

The ex didnt pick up the kids again...he had to study for midterms....hmmmmm...he had $50 to buy the WOW expansion and the time to level his lock to 90...but now he doesnt have time for his kids...I wonder if he made the connection...